《柯南脫口秀》第14期:跟談戀愛一樣

I am trying to decide whether I want to be single or in a . 我想決定我是想單身還是談戀愛

Now,when you're single,it's a lot like . 當(dāng)你單身的時(shí)候 就跟沒工作差不多

you say you want a job,but really,you just want money. 你說你想要一份工作 但實(shí)際上 你只是想要錢

Because two weeks into the job you're like ah,that's right. 因?yàn)樯狭藘蓚€(gè)星期的班 你就會(huì)說 對(duì)

I hate working.Exactly the same in a relationship. 我討厭工作 就跟談戀愛一樣

Two weeks in you're like ah,that's right.I hate people. 談了兩周戀愛 你就會(huì)說 對(duì) 我討厭人們

But I'm really lucky because I have this voice in my head 但我真的很走運(yùn) 因?yàn)槲业念^腦里有一個(gè)聲音

which keeps me very accountable so if I see a beautiful woman in the street 讓我很有責(zé)任心 如果我在大街上看到一個(gè)美女

and I'm like ah,I would do anything to be with her,then the voice kicks in.It's like really? 我想說 只要能跟她在一起 我愿意做任何事 腦海里的聲音說 真的嗎

What would you do? Would you go to the gym? Would you get a job? No,you wouldn't,would you? 你會(huì)做什么事 你會(huì)去健身房嗎 你會(huì)找工作嗎 你不會(huì) 對(duì)吧

See why you're not with her? Yeah,that's pretty clear.Than you,inner voice. 知道你為什么沒跟她在一起了嗎 對(duì) 很明顯 謝謝你 頭腦里的聲音

I guess if the woman said listen,if you go to the gym and get a job,I will go out with you. 我想如果那個(gè)女人說 聽著 如果你去健身房 找份工作 我就跟你約會(huì)

Then I'd probably work towards it,as a .But I just refuse to do it on . 那我也許就會(huì)以此為目標(biāo) 但我拒絕冒險(xiǎn)

I'm not walking around all fit with a great job just in case. 我不會(huì)身材很好 還有工作地到處瞎逛 僅僅是為了有備無患