(雙語(yǔ))月亮和六便士 第41章(8)

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He spoke as though I were a child that needed to be distracted. I was sore, but not with him so much as with myself. I thought of the happy life that pair had led in the cosy studio in Montmartre, Stroeve and his wife, their simplicity, kindness, and hospitality; it seemed to me cruel that it should have been broken to pieces by a ruthless chance; but the cruellest thing of all was that in fact it made no great difference. The world went on, and no one was a penny the worse for all that wretchedness. I had an idea that Dirk, a man of greater emotional reactions than depth of feeling, would soon forget; and Blanche's life, begun with who knows what bright hopes and what dreams, might just as well have never been lived. It all seemed useless and inane.

他說(shuō)話的樣子，倒好象我是個(gè)小孩子，需要他把我的精神岔開(kāi)似的。我氣得要命，但與其說(shuō)是對(duì)他倒不如說(shuō)對(duì)我自己。我回想起這一對(duì)夫妻——施特略夫同他的妻子，在蒙特瑪特爾區(qū)一間舒適的畫室中過(guò)的幸福生活，他們兩人淳樸、善良、殷勤好客，這種生活竟由于一件無(wú)情的偶然事件被打得粉碎，我覺(jué)得這真是非常殘忍的；但是最最殘忍的還是，這件事對(duì)別人并沒(méi)有什么影響。人們繼續(xù)生活下去，誰(shuí)也沒(méi)有因?yàn)檫@個(gè)悲劇而活得更糟。我猜想，就連戴爾克不久也會(huì)把這件事遺忘，因?yàn)楸M管他反應(yīng)強(qiáng)烈，一時(shí)悲慟欲絕，感情卻沒(méi)有深度。至于勃朗什自己，不論她最初步入生活時(shí)曾懷有何等美妙的希望與夢(mèng)想，死了以后，同她根本沒(méi)有降臨人世又有什么兩樣？一切都是空虛的，沒(méi)有意義的。

Strickland had found his hat, and stood looking at me.

思特里克蘭德拿起了帽子，站在那里看著我。

"Are you coming?"

“你來(lái)嗎？”

"Why do you seek my acquaintance?" I asked him. "You know that I hate and despise you."

“你為什么要同我來(lái)往？”我問(wèn)他，“你知道我討厭你，鄙視你?！?/p>

He chuckled good-humouredly.

他咯咯地笑了笑，一點(diǎn)也沒(méi)有惱怒。

"Your only quarrel with me really is that I don't care a twopenny damn what you think about me."

“你同我吵嘴，實(shí)際上是因?yàn)槲腋静辉诤跄銓?duì)我的看法?！?/p>

I felt my cheeks grow red with sudden anger. It was impossible to make him understand that one might be outraged by his callous selfishness. I longed to pierce his armour of complete indifference. I knew also that in the end there was truth in what he said. Unconsciously, perhaps, we treasure the power we have over people by their regard for our opinion of them, and we hate those upon whom we have no such influence. I suppose it is the bitterest wound to human pride. But I would not let him see that I was put out.

我感到自己的面頰氣得通紅。你根本無(wú)法使他了解，他的冷酷、自私能叫人氣得火冒三丈。我恨不得一下子刺穿了他那副冷漠的甲胄。但是我也知道，歸根結(jié)底，他的話也不無(wú)道理。雖然我們沒(méi)有明確意識(shí)到，說(shuō)不定我們還是非常重視別人看重不看重我們的意見(jiàn)、我們?cè)趧e人身上是否有影響力的；如果我們對(duì)一個(gè)人的看法受到他的重視，我們就沾沾自喜，如果他對(duì)這種意見(jiàn)絲毫也不理會(huì)，我們就討厭他。我想這就是自尊心中最厲害的創(chuàng)傷。但是我并不想叫思特里克蘭德看出我這種氣惱。

"Is it possible for any man to disregard others entirely?" I said, though more to myself than to him. "You're dependent on others for everything in existence. It's a preposterous attempt to try to live only for yourself and by yourself. Sooner or later you'll be ill and tired and old, and then you'll crawl back into the herd. Won't you be ashamed when you feel in your heart the desire for comfort and sympathy? You're trying an impossible thing. Sooner or later the human being in you will yearn for the common bonds of humanity."

“一個(gè)人可能完全不理會(huì)別人嗎？”我說(shuō)，與其說(shuō)是問(wèn)他還不如說(shuō)是問(wèn)我自己，“生活中無(wú)論什么事都和別人息息相關(guān)，要想只為自己、孤零零地一個(gè)人活下去是個(gè)十分荒謬的想法。早晚有一天你會(huì)生病，會(huì)變得老態(tài)龍鐘，到那時(shí)候你還得爬著回去找你的同伙。當(dāng)你感到需要?jiǎng)e人的安慰和同情的時(shí)候，你不羞愧嗎？你現(xiàn)在要做的是一件根本不可能的事。你身上的人性早晚會(huì)渴望同其他的人建立聯(lián)系的?！?/p>

"Come and look at my pictures."

“去看看我的畫吧！”

"Have you ever thought of death?"

“你想到過(guò)死嗎？”

"Why should I? It doesn't matter."

“何必想到死？死有什么關(guān)系？”

I stared at him. He stood before me, motionless, with a mocking smile in his eyes; but for all that, for a moment I had an inkling of a fiery, tortured spirit, aiming at something greater than could be conceived by anything that was bound up with the flesh. I had a fleeting glimpse of a pursuit of the ineffable. I looked at the man before me in his shabby clothes, with his great nose and shining eyes, his red beard and untidy hair; and I had a strange sensation that it was only an envelope, and I was in the presence of a disembodied spirit.

我凝望著他。他一動(dòng)不動(dòng)地站在我面前，眼睛里閃著譏嘲的笑容。但是盡管他臉上是這種神情，一瞬間我好象還是看到一個(gè)受折磨的、熾熱的靈魂正在追逐某種遠(yuǎn)非血肉之軀所能想象的偉大的東西。我瞥見(jiàn)的是對(duì)某種無(wú)法描述的事物的熱烈追求。我凝視著站在我