(雙語)月亮和六便士 第43章(1)

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Chapter 43

第四十三章

Looking back, I realise that what I have written about Charles Strickland must seem very unsatisfactory. I have given incidents that came to my knowledge, but they remain obscure because I do not know the reasons that led to them. The strangest, Strickland's determination to become a painter, seems to be arbitrary; and though it must have had causes in the circumstances of his life, I am ignorant of them. From his own conversation I was able to glean nothing. If I were writing a novel, rather than narrating such facts as I know of a curious personality, I should have invented much to account for this change of heart. I think I should have shown a strong vocation in boyhood, crushed by the will of his father or sacrificed to the necessity of earning a living; I should have pictured him impatient of the restraints of life; and in the struggle between his passion for art and the duties of his station I could have aroused sympathy for him. I should so have made him a more imposing figure. Perhaps it would have been possible to see in him a new Prometheus. There was here, maybe, the opportunity for a modern version of the hero who for the good of mankind exposes himself to the agonies of the damned. It is always a moving subject.

回過頭來看一下，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我寫的關(guān)于查理斯·思特里克蘭德的這些事似乎很難令人滿意。我把自己知道的一些事情記載下來，但是我寫得并不清楚，因為我不了解它們發(fā)生的真實原因。最令人費解的莫過于思特里克蘭德為什么決心要做畫家這件事，看來簡直沒有什么道理可尋。盡管從他的生活環(huán)境一定找得出原因來，我卻一無所知。從他的談話里我任何線索也沒有獲得。如果我是在寫一部小說，而不是敘述我知道的一個性格怪異的人的真人真事，我就會編造一些原因，解釋他生活上的這一突變。我會描寫他童年時期就感到繪畫是自己的天職，但迫于父親的嚴命或者必須為謀生奔走，這個夢想遭到破滅；我也可以描寫他如何對生活的桎梏感到痛恨，寫他對藝術(shù)的熱愛與生活的職責(zé)間的矛盾沖突，用以喚起讀者對他的同情。這樣我就可以把思特里克蘭德這個人寫得更加令人敬畏?；蛟S人們能夠在他身上看到另一個普羅米修斯。我也許會塑造一個為了替人類造福甘心忍受痛苦折磨的當(dāng)代英雄。這永遠是一個動人心弦的主題。

On the other hand, I might have found his motives in the influence of the married relation. There are a dozen ways in which this might be managed. A latent gift might reveal itself on acquaintance with the painters and writers whose society his wife sought; or domestic incompatability might turn him upon himself; a love affair might fan into bright flame a fire which I could have shown smouldering dimly in his heart. I think then I should have drawn Mrs. Strickland quite differently. I should have abandoned the facts and made her a nagging, tiresome woman, or else a bigoted one with no sympathy for the claims of the spirit. I should have made Strickland's marriage a long torment from which escape was the only possible issue. I think I should have emphasised his patience with the unsuitable mate, and the compassion which made him unwilling to throw off the yoke that oppressed him. I should certainly have eliminated the children.

另外，我也可以從思特里克蘭德的婚姻關(guān)系中找到他立志繪畫的動機。我可以有十幾種方法處理這個故事：因為他妻子喜歡同文藝界人士來往，他也有緣結(jié)識一些文人和畫家，因而喚醒了那隱伏在他身上的藝術(shù)才能；也可能是家庭不和睦使他把精力轉(zhuǎn)到自己身上；再不然也可以歸結(jié)于愛情，譬如說，我可以寫一下他心中早就埋著熱愛藝術(shù)的火種，因為愛上一個女人，一下子把悶火扇成熊熊的烈焰。我想，如果這樣寫的話，思特里克蘭德太太在我筆下也就要以另一副面貌出現(xiàn)了。我將不得不把事實篡改一下，把她寫成一個嘮嘮叨叨、惹人生厭的女人，再不然就是性格褊狹，根本不了解精神的需求。思特里克蘭德婚后生活是一場無盡無休的痛苦煎熬，離家出走將是他的唯一出路。我想我將在思特里克蘭德如何委曲求全這件事上多費些筆墨，他如何心存憐憫，不愿貿(mào)然甩掉折磨他的枷鎖。這樣寫，我當(dāng)然就不會提他們的兩個孩子了。