演講MP3+雙語文稿:“你有儀式"——一位父親對兒子說的話

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【演講者及介紹】Marc Bamuthi Joseph

作家，演員馬克·巴木提·約瑟夫(Marc Bamuthi Joseph)通過從歌劇到舞蹈劇場的各種表演，研究對文化的抹殺。

【演講主題】"你有儀式"

【中英文字幕】

翻譯者 psjmz mz 校對者Cong Liu

00:14

Me and the boy wear the same shoe size. Hewants a pair of Air Jordan 4s for Christmas. I buy them, and then I steal themfrom his closet, like a twisted Grinch-themed episode of "Black-ish."

我和我兒子的鞋碼是一樣的。他想要一雙Air Jordan 4s的鞋作為圣誕禮物。于是我買了一雙，但又從他的衣柜里偷出了這雙鞋，就像黑人家庭劇里出現(xiàn)了偷走圣誕禮物的綠毛鬼精靈。

00:30

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

00:31

The kicks are totems to my youth. I wearthem like mercury on my Black man feet. I can't get those young freedom daysback fast enough. Last time I was really fast I was 16, outrunning a doorman onthe Upper East Side. He caught me vandalizing his building, not even on someartsy stuff, just ... stupid. Of all the genders, boys are the stupidest.

在我年輕時，這些鞋就像圖騰一般。我穿上它們就像踩著福特水星汽車，但跑得再快也找不回那些年輕的自由時光。16歲的我跑得飛快，有一次我狂奔著想甩掉上東區(qū)的一個看門人。他抓到我在破壞他看守的建筑，甚至是點兒藝術(shù)品也不行，我那時候太傻了。在所有性別中，男孩是最傻的。

00:57

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

00:59

Sixteen was a series of barely getting awayand never telling my parents. I assume that my son is stewarding this traditionwell. Sixteen was "The Low End Theory" and Marvin Gaye on repeat.Sixteen is younger than Trayvon and older than Emmett Till. At the DMV, myboy's in line to officially enter his prime suspect years: young, brown andbehind the wheel, a moving semaphore, signaling the threat of communities frombelow. On top of the food chain, humans have no natural predator, but Americaplays out something genetically embedded and instinctual in its appetite forthe Black body. America guns down Black bodies and then walks around them,bored, like laconic lions next to half-eaten gazelles, bloody lips ..."America and the Black Body" on some Nat Geo shit.

16歲時，我好幾次差點被警察抓到，而我從不告訴我的父母。我覺得我的兒子 也很好繼承了這一傳統(tǒng)。16歲是循環(huán)播放《低端理論》專輯 和沉浸在馬文·蓋伊歌聲的年紀(jì)。16歲比被警察槍殺的特拉伊馮年輕，比無辜被殘害致死的艾默特·蒂爾年長。在車管所，我兒子在排隊領(lǐng)取駕照，等待正式邁入“頭號犯罪嫌疑人”生涯：年紀(jì)輕輕，棕色皮膚，可以駕車，他如同一個移動的標(biāo)識，是從下層社區(qū)發(fā)出的威脅信號。在食物鏈的頂端，人類沒有天敵，但美國人對黑人的“興趣”卻是與生俱來的。美國人槍殺黑人，然后從他們身邊走過，百無聊賴，就像在瞪羚被啃食過的尸體旁悄無聲息的獅子，滿嘴鮮血——仿佛活生生就出自國家地理的《美國與黑體》。

01:53

Well, he passes his road test at the DMV.He does this strut C-Walk broken "Fortnite" thing on the way in tofinish his paperwork, true joy and calibrated cool under the eye of my filmingiPhone, the victory dance of someone who has just salvaged a draw. He's earnedthis win, but he's so 16 he can't quite let his body be fully free.

他通過了車管所的路考。在去完成相關(guān)手續(xù)的上，他得意洋洋的扭著歡快的舞步，我手機鏡頭中的他是那么快樂無比，朝氣蓬勃，如同跳著剛剛扳回一球的勝利之舞。他贏了，但他才16歲，身體還不能完全放開。

02:13

When he's three, I'm in handcuffs indowntown Oakland. Five minutes ago, I was illegally parked. Now I'm in the backof a squad car, considering the odds that I'm going to die here, 15 minutesaway from my son who expects that in 18 minutes, daddy's gonna pick him up frompreschool. There are no pocket-size cameras to capture this moment, so. Ilearned a lot of big words when I was 16 getting ready for the SAT, but none ofthem come to me now. In the police car, the only thing that really speaks is myskin.

當(dāng)他3歲時，我在奧克蘭市中心被捕了。5分鐘前，我非法停車?，F(xiàn)在我坐在警車的后面，想著自己可能要完蛋了，這里離我兒子的幼兒園只有15分鐘的路程，他還在期待18分鐘后爸爸會去接他。那時候還沒有口袋大小的相機來捕捉這一刻。當(dāng)我16歲準(zhǔn)備SAT的時候，我學(xué)到了很多重要的單詞，但現(xiàn)在我一個都不記得了。在警車上，我的膚色仿佛說明了一切。

02:45

I know this: I was parked on a bus zone on12th and Broadway, running to the ATM on the corner. I pull the cash out justas a police car pulls up behind me, give him the "Aw shucks, my bad,"that earnest Black man face. He waits till I'm back in the car and then hitsthe siren, takes my license with his hand on the gun, comes back two minuteslater, gun drawn, another patrol car now, four cops now, my face on the curb,hands behind my back, shackled. I'm angry and humiliated, only until I'm scaredand then sad. I smell like the last gasp before my own death. I think how longthe boy will wait before he realizes that daddy is not on his way. I think hislast barely formed memory of me will be the story of how I never came for him.

我只知道：我把車停在12街和百老匯大街的公共汽車站上，跑向拐角處的自動取款機。警察把車停到我后面時，我正好把錢掏出來，我那黑色的面孔仿佛給了他一種“哎呀，被抓到了?！钡谋砬?，他一直等我回到車上，然后按響了警鈴，他手握著槍拿走了我的駕照，兩分鐘后回來，拔出了槍，又來了一輛巡邏車，現(xiàn)在是四個警察了，我的臉被按在路邊，雙手被扭在身后，戴上了鐐銬。我感到憤怒和羞辱，后來又變成害怕和悲傷，覺得自己馬上就要一命嗚呼了。我在想，兒子要等多久才知道爸爸不會來了。我想，他對我的最后模糊記憶將會是我沒有如約而來，讓他失望至極。

03:32

I try to telepathically say goodbye. Thesilence brings me no peace. The quiet makes it hard to rest. In the void thereis anger mushrooming in the moss at the base of my thoughts, a fungus growingon the spine of my freedom attempts. I'm free from all except contempt, thespirit of an unarmed civilian in the time of civil unrest, no peace, justMarvin Gaye falsettos arching like a broken-winged sparrow, competing againstthe empty sirens, singing the police. Apparently some cat from Richmond had awarrant out on him, and when the cop says my name to dispatch, dude doesn'thear "Marc Joseph," he hears "Mike Johnson." I count sevencars and 18 cops on the corner now, a pride around a pound of flesh. By thegrace of God, I'm not fed to the beast today. Magnanimously, the first copmakes sure to give me a ticket for parking in a bus zone, before he sets mefree.

我試著用心靈感應(yīng)的方式說再見。沉默沒給我?guī)砥届o。寂靜更讓我如坐針氈。我的大腦一片空白，而思緒深處的憤怒卻如雨后春筍般不斷涌現(xiàn)，我在爭取自由的路上舉步維艱。除了蔑視之外，我什么都沒有，這是一個手無寸鐵的平民在社會動蕩時期的精神，沒有平靜，只有馬文·蓋伊的假音如斷翅的麻雀在空中飄蕩，對抗蒼白的警笛聲。顯然里士滿市有人吃了張搜查令，當(dāng)警察叫我的名字時，這家伙沒聽見“馬克·約瑟夫”，而是聽成了“邁克·約翰遜?！蔽覕?shù)到現(xiàn)在，街角一共有 7輛車和18個警察，對著我這囊中之物得意洋洋。感謝上帝，我今天逃過一劫。第一個警察高抬貴手，給我開了張公交車區(qū)違規(guī)停車的罰單，然后就讓我走了。

04:29

The boy is 16. He has a license to drive inthe hollow city, enough body to fill my shoes. I have grey in my beard, and ittells the truth. He can navigate traffic in the age of autonomous vehicles. Youknow, people say "the talk," like the thing happens just once, likemy memory's been erased and my internet is broken, like I can't read today'smartyred name, like today's the day that I don't love my son enough to tellhim, "Bro, I really don't care about your rights, yo. Your mission is toget home to me. Live to tell me the story, boy. Get home to me."

孩子16歲了。他有了駕照，可以在這座空空蕩蕩的城里開車, 個子高到能穿得上我的鞋。我的胡子開始變白了，暴露了我日漸蒼老的真相。在自動駕駛時代，他能在車流中自由穿行。人們說的“談話”，就像事情只發(fā)生一次，好像我的記憶被抹去了，好像我的互聯(lián)網(wǎng)掉線了，好像我讀不懂今天的殉道者名字一樣，好像今天我不夠愛孩子，無法告訴他，“小伙子，我真不在乎你的權(quán)利，你的任務(wù)是安全回家。活著告訴我你的故事，孩子，安全回家，回到我身邊?！?/p>

05:06

Today's talk is mostly happening in my headas he pulls onto the freeway and Marvin Gaye comes on the radio. I'm wearingthe boy's shoes, and the tune in my head is the goodbye that I almost neversaid, a goodbye the length of a requiem, a kiss, a whiff of his neck, thelength of a revelation and a request flying high in the friendly sky withoutever leaving the ground. My pain is a walking bass line, a refrain, placatedstress against the fading baseline.

今天，當(dāng)他把車開上高速公路，馬文·蓋伊的聲音從收音機里傳出，這段談話就在我的腦海里浮現(xiàn)。我穿著這孩子的鞋子，腦海中的旋律是我?guī)缀鯊奈凑f過的再見，如安魂曲般綿長，如同一個吻，他脖子上的一縷氣味，又長如啟示錄, 帶著在親切寧靜的天空中高高飛翔的一個請求，卻沒有離開地面。我的痛苦低沉的徘徊著，如同一段旋律在緩解壓力，對抗不斷消逝的底線。

05:34

Listen, this is not to be romantic, but toassert a plausible scenario for the existential moment. Driving while Black isits own genre of experience. Ask Marvin. It may not be the reason why you singlike an angel, but it surely has something to do with why heaven bends to yourvoice. The boy driving, the cop in the rearview mirror is a ticket to ride ordie. When you give a Black boy "the talk," you pray he is of the factionof the fraction that survives. You pitch him the frequency of your telepathicgoodbye, channel the love sustained in Marvin's upper register under hisskullcap. Black music at its best is an exploded black hole responding to thecall of America at its worst. Strike us down, the music lives, dark, like taror tobacco or cotton in muddy water.

各位，這毫無浪漫可言，而是為當(dāng)下找到一個合理的解釋。黑人駕駛是一種獨特的體驗。問一問馬文。這可能不是你有天使般嗓音的原因，但肯定與上天為什么俯聽你的聲音有關(guān)。男孩在前面開車，后視鏡里的警察可能隨時開出一張生死攸關(guān)的罰單。當(dāng)你跟一個黑人男孩“交談”時，你祈禱他是幸存下來的那一小部分人。你不斷向他投去你心靈感應(yīng)式的告別，通過馬文無邊帽檐下的上音區(qū)把持續(xù)的愛傳遞給他。最好的黑人音樂是一個爆炸的黑洞，回應(yīng)著美國在最糟情況下的號召。我們會倒下，但音樂永存，深色如焦油或煙草，或在泥水中的棉花。

06:30

Get home to me, son. Like a love supreme, agod as love, a love overrules, feathers for the angelic lift of the restlessdead, like a theme for trouble man, or a 16-year-old boy, free to make mistakesand live through them, grow from them, holy, holy, mercy, mercy me, mercy,mercy.

安全回家，孩子。像至高無上的愛，神之愛，壓倒一切的愛，像幫助不安的亡靈升入天國的羽毛，像一個馬文的《麻煩者》主題，或一個16歲的男孩，可以自由地犯錯誤，并在錯誤中生活，在錯誤中成長，上帝，上帝，憐憫我，寬恕我，憐憫我，寬恕我吧。

07:02

Thank you.

謝謝。

07:03

(Applause)

（鼓掌）