雙語·面紗 第三十六章

36

When Waddington left her Kitty thought over what he had so carelessly said. It hadn't been very pleasant to hear and she had had to make something of an effort not to show how much it touched her. It was bitter to think that all he said was true. She knew that Charlie was stupid and vain, hungry for flattery, and she remembered the complacency with which he had told her little stories to prove his cleverness. He was proud of a low cunning. How worthless must she be if she had given her heart so passionately to such a man because--because he had nice eyes and a good figure! She wished to despise him, because so long as she only hated him she knew that she was very near loving him. The way he had treated her should have opened her eyes. Walter had always held him in contempt. Oh, if she could only get him out of her mind altogether! And had his wife chaffed him about her obvious infatuation for him? Dorothy would have liked to make a friend of her, but that she found her second-rate. Kitty smiled a little: how indignant her mother would be to know that her daughter was considered that!

But at night she dreamt of him again. She felt his arms pressing her close and the hot passion of his kisses on her lips. What did it matter if he was fat and forty? She laughed with soft affection because he minded so much; she loved him all the more for his childlike vanity and she could be sorry for him and comfort him. When she awoke tears were streaming from her eyes.

She did not know why it seemed to her so tragic to cry in her sleep.

第三十六章

當威廷頓離開以后，凱蒂對他無心中說的那些話，想了又想。他的話讓她聽后很不舒服，她盡力裝作若無其事的樣子，顯示出不為所動。但想想他說的句句是實話，也著實讓她心里又苦又澀。她知道查理愚蠢而又虛榮，渴望人們對他奉承巴結(jié)。她現(xiàn)在還清晰地記得他自鳴得意地告訴她一些能證明他聰明的小段子，他對那些自以為聰明的小伎倆還很自豪。她曾經(jīng)把自己的一顆真心動情地交到這樣一個男人手中，只因為——因為他有一雙好看的眼睛和優(yōu)雅的外表，她多么不值呀！她希望自己鄙視他，因為只要她恨他，就說明自己還在愛著他，想想他是怎么對待她的，她真應(yīng)該醒醒了。沃爾特也總是對他不屑一顧。噢，如果她能把他從她的思想里連根拔掉就好了！他的妻子是不是拿她對他的癡心迷戀來跟他打趣呢？多蘿西好像喜歡跟她交朋友，但是內(nèi)心卻把她當成二流貨色。凱蒂真是哭笑不得，如果她的母親知道她的女兒被別人看成二流貨色，她老人家該是多么生氣呀！

然而，當天晚上她又夢見了他，她覺出他的雙臂把她抱得緊緊的，熱辣辣的吻印在她的唇上。他身體發(fā)福，人到四十又有什么關(guān)系？她心里充滿柔情地笑著，因為他很介意他的年齡和體型。他孩子般的虛榮心反而讓她更加愛他，同情他，安慰他。當她醒來的時候，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己淚如泉涌。

她不知道何種緣由，這夢境對她來說是悲劇性的，讓她在睡夢中都在哭泣。