雙語·面紗 第七十五章

75

Kitty did not know whether it was by chance or by design that she never found herself for a moment alone with Charlie. His tact was exquisite. He remained kindly, sympathetic, pleasant, and amiable. No one could have guessed that they had ever been more than acquaintances. But one afternoon when she was lying on a sofa outside her room reading he passed along the verandah and stopped.

“What is that you're reading?” he asked.

“A book.”

She looked at him with irony. He smiled.

“Dorothy's gone to a garden-party at Government House.”

“I know. Why haven't you gone too?”

“I didn't feel I could face it and I thought I'd come back and keep you company. The car's outside, would you like to come for a drive round the island?”

“No, thank you.”

He sat down on the foot of the sofa on which she lay.

“We haven't had the chance of a talk by ourselves since you got here.”

She looked straight into his eyes with cool insolence.

“Do you think we have anything to say to one another?”

“Volumes.”

She shifted her feet so that she should not touch him.

“Are you still angry with me?” he asked, the shadow of a smile on his lips and his eyes melting.

“Not a bit,” she laughed.

“I don't think you'd laugh if you weren't.”

“You're mistaken; I despise you much too much to be angry with you.”

He was unruffled.

“I think you're rather hard on me. Looking back calmly, don't you honestly think I was right?”

“From your standpoint.”

“Now that you know Dorothy, you must admit she's rather nice?”

“Of course. I shall always be grateful for her great kindness to me.”

“She's one in a thousand. I should never have had a moment's peace if We'd bolted. It would have been a rotten trick to play on her. And after all I had to think of my children; it would have been an awful handicap for them.”

For a minute she held him in her reflective gaze. She felt completely mistress of the situation.

“I've watched you very carefully during the week I've been here. I've come to the conclusion that you really are fond of Dorothy. I should never have thought you capable of it.”

“I told you I was fond of her. I wouldn't do anything to cause her a moment's uneasiness. She's the best wife a man ever had.”

“Have you never thought that you owed her any loyalty?”

“What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve for,” he smiled.

She shrugged her shoulders.

“You're despicable.”

“I'm human. I don't know why you should think me such a cad because I fell head over ears in love with you. I didn't particularly want to, you know.”

It gave her a little twist of the heart-strings to hear him say that.

“I was fair game,” she answered bitterly.

“Naturally I couldn't foresee that we were going to get into such a devil of a scrape.”

“And in any case you had a pretty shrewd idea that if any one suffered it wouldn't be you.”

“I think that's a bit thick. After all, now it's all over, you must see I acted for the best for both of us. You lost your head and you ought to be jolly glad that I kept mine. Do you think it would have been a success if I'd done what you wanted me to? We were dashed uncomfortable in the frying-pan, but we should have been a damned sight worse off in the fire. And you haven't come to any harm. Why can't we kiss and make friends?”

She almost laughed.

“You can hardly expect me to forget that you sent me to almost certain death without a shadow of compunction?”

“Oh, what nonsense! I told you there was no risk if you took reasonable precautions. Do you think I'd have let you go for a moment if I hadn't been perfectly convinced of that?”

“You were convinced because you wanted to be. You're one of those cowards who only think what it's profitable for them to think.”

“Well, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. You have come back, and if you don't mind my saying anything so objectionable you've come back prettier than ever.”

“And Walter?”

He could not resist the facetious answer which came to his mind. Charlie smiled.

“Nothing suits you so well as black.”

She stared at him for a moment. Tears filled her eyes and she began to cry. Her beautiful face was distorted with grief. She did not seek to hide it, but lay on her back with her hands along her sides.

“For God's sake don't cry like that. I didn't mean to say anything unkind. It was only a joke. You know how sincerely I feel for you in your bereavement.”

“Oh, hold your stupid tongue.”

“I'd give anything to have Walter back again.”

“He died because of you and me.”

He took her hand, but she snatched it away from him.

“Please go away,” she sobbed. “That's the only thing you can do for me now. I hate and despise you. Walter was worth ten of you and I was too big a fool to see it. Go away. Go away.”

She saw he was going to speak again and she sprang to her feet and went into her room. He followed her, and as he entered, with instinctive prudence, drew the shutter so that they were almost in darkness.

“I can't leave you like this,” he said, putting his arms round her.“You know I didn't mean to hurt you.”

“Don't touch me. For God's sake go. Go away.”

She tried to tear herself from him, but he would not let her. She was crying hysterically now.

“Darling, don't you know that I've always loved you,” he said in his deep, charming voice. “I love you more than ever.”

“How can you tell such lies! Let me go. Damn you, let me go.”

“Don't be unkind to me, Kitty. I know I've been a brute to you, but forgive me.”

She was shaking and sobbing, struggling to get away from him, but the pressure of his arms was strangely comforting. She had so longed to feel them round her once more, just once, and all her body trembled. She felt dreadfully weak. It seemed as though her bones were melting, and the sorrow she felt for Walter shifted into pity for herself.

“Oh, how could you be so unkind to me?” she sobbed. “Don't you know that I loved you with all my heart? No one has ever loved you as I loved you.”

“Darling.”

He began to kiss her.

“No, no,” she cried.

He sought her face, but she turned it away; he sought her lips; she did not know what he was saying, broken, passionate words of love; and his arms held her so firmly that she felt like a child that has been lost and now at last is safe at home. She moaned faintly. Her eyes were closed and her face was wet with tears. And then he found her lips and the pressure of his upon them shot through her body like the flame of God. It was an ecstasy and she was burnt to a cinder and she glowed as though she were transfigured. In her dreams, in her dreams she had known this rapture. What was he doing with her now? She did not know. She was not a woman, her personality was dissolved, she was nothing but desire. He lifted her off her feet, she was very light in his arms, he carried her and she clung to him, desperate and adoring; her head sank on the pillow and his lips clung to hers.

第七十五章

凱蒂發(fā)現(xiàn)，不知是有意還是無意，她沒有一刻能夠和查理單獨(dú)相處。他圓滑、老到，保持著友善、同情、愉快和可親。沒人能猜到他們曾經(jīng)有一段超越了友誼的關(guān)系。但有一天午后，當(dāng)她正躺在她房間外的沙發(fā)上看書的時候，他沿著陽臺走過來，而且停住了腳步。

“你正在讀什么？”他問道。

“一本書?！?/p>

她嘲弄地看著他，他笑著說：

“多蘿西去參加一場在總督府舉行的花園聚會了?！?/p>

“我知道，你為什么沒去？”

“我覺得我受不了那種場合，我想我還是回來陪會兒你吧。車就在外面，你愿意出去環(huán)島兜兜風(fēng)嗎？”

“不了，謝謝你?！?/p>

他坐在了她躺著的沙發(fā)的一角。

“自從你來了這兒以后，我們還沒有機(jī)會單獨(dú)談一談?！?/p>

她用一種冷冷的目光傲慢地直視他的眼睛。

“你認(rèn)為我們還有什么要說的嗎？”

“很多呀?！?/p>

她移動了一下她的腳，以免碰到他。

“你還在生我的氣嗎？”他問道，一絲笑意掛在他的嘴角，眼神十分柔和。

“一點(diǎn)兒也不。”她笑出了聲。

“如果你不生氣，我覺得你就不會笑了。”

“你搞錯了，我太鄙視你了，都生不起氣來了?！?/p>

他依然鎮(zhèn)定自若。

“我想你對我太苛刻了，冷靜地回想一下，說實(shí)話難道你不認(rèn)為我是對的嗎？”

“站在你的角度，當(dāng)然是對的。”

“既然你了解多蘿西了，難道你不承認(rèn)她人真的很好嗎？”

“當(dāng)然，我會永遠(yuǎn)感激她對我的好的?！?/p>

“她是一個百里挑一的人，如果當(dāng)初我們真的逃跑了，我一刻也不會得到安寧的。那是對她耍了卑鄙的手段，而且，不管怎樣，我還得考慮我的孩子們，那對他們的成長會造成可怕的障礙?！?/p>

她若有所思地盯著他足有一分鐘的時間，覺得自己完全掌控了局勢。

“在我來這兒的一周時間里，我仔細(xì)觀察過你，我得出的結(jié)論是你真心喜歡多蘿西。我原以為你從來沒喜歡過她?！?/p>

“我告訴過你我喜歡她，我不會做任何讓她感到片刻不安的事情，她是一個男人所能擁有的最好的妻子?！?/p>

“你想沒想過你曾經(jīng)對她不忠呢？”

“只要她眼睛沒有看到，心里就不會難過?！彼χf。

她聳了聳肩。

“你可真夠卑鄙的?！?/p>

“我是個有血有肉的人，我不知道為什么你認(rèn)為我是個卑鄙的男人，就因?yàn)槲冶荒阃耆缘沽?，我也不是特別想那樣，這你是知道的。”

聽到他這么說，她的心弦被撥動了一下。

“我也脫不了干系?！彼诳嗟鼗卮鸬?。

“當(dāng)然，我也無法預(yù)測到我們會走到這一步境地?！?/p>

“不管怎么樣，你有一個相當(dāng)精明的念頭，如果有人遭罪的話，那一定不是你?！?/p>

“我想你言重了，畢竟現(xiàn)在一切都結(jié)束了，你必須看到為了我們兩個人，我采取了最好的行動。你失去了理智，而你應(yīng)該高興地看到我還是很冷靜。如果我按照你想讓我做的去行動，你認(rèn)為可能成功嗎？我們當(dāng)初是熱鍋上的螞蟻，我們可能會落個更糟的結(jié)局，就是掉到火里。而事實(shí)上你沒有受到任何傷害，為什么我們不能親吻對方，再次成為朋友呢？”

她差點(diǎn)兒要笑出了聲。

“你不會指望我忘記你曾經(jīng)把我往絕路上逼，而你絲毫沒有內(nèi)疚之情吧？”

“哦，真是胡說！我告訴過你如果采取適當(dāng)?shù)念A(yù)防措施，就根本不會有危險。如果我不是絕對地相信這一點(diǎn)，你認(rèn)為我會讓你去嗎？”

“你相信這一點(diǎn)是因?yàn)槟阆胂嘈?。你是個懦夫，這種人考慮問題從來只是從自己利益最大化的角度來考慮的。”

“好吧，但事實(shí)勝于雄辯，你已經(jīng)回來了，而且如果你不介意我說的讓你不快的話，你比以前氣色還好地安然無恙地回來了?！?/p>

“那沃爾特呢？”

靈光一現(xiàn)的玩笑話突然到了嘴邊，他忍不住笑著脫口而出：

“沒有什么比黑色更適合你的了?！?/p>

她死盯著他，足足有好一會兒，淚水充滿了眼眶，她開始哭了起來。她美麗的臉龐由于悲痛而扭曲了。她并不想掩藏悲痛，只是仰面躺下了，雙手?jǐn)傇诹松韨?cè)。

“看在上帝的分兒上，別這樣哭，我不是想說什么不好的話，那只是句玩笑，你知道我理解你的喪夫之痛，我真誠地為你感到難過。”

“哦，閉上你那張臭嘴?！?/p>

“我愿意付出一切換回沃爾特?！?/p>

“他的死是因?yàn)槟愫臀??！?/p>

他抓住了她的手，但她把手從他的手里抽了出來。

“請走開吧?！彼槠卣f道，“那是你現(xiàn)在唯一能為我做的事。我討厭你，鄙視你。沃爾特比你好上十倍，只是我太傻了，看不到這一點(diǎn)。走開，走開。”

她看出他又要開口說話了，她從沙發(fā)上跳起來，進(jìn)到了自己屋里。他跟著她，當(dāng)他進(jìn)來的時候，出于本能的謹(jǐn)慎，他把百葉窗拉了下來，他們幾乎處于黑暗之中了。

“我不能讓你像這樣離開?！彼f道，用雙手摟著她，“你知道我沒有打算傷害你?！?/p>

“別碰我，看在上帝的分兒上，走開，趕緊走開?！?/p>

她設(shè)法掙脫他的摟抱，但是他不松手，她又歇斯底里地哭開了。

“寶貝兒，難道你不知道我一直愛著你?！彼玫统?、迷人的聲音說道，“我比以前更愛你了。”

“你怎么能說出這么無恥的謊言，讓我走，該死，放開我。”

“別對我這樣，凱蒂，我知道我一度對你很殘忍，但你得原諒我。”

她搖動著身體，抽泣著，掙扎著想擺脫他，但是他手臂的壓力有種奇怪的慰藉，她多么渴望他再抱她一次，就一次。她渾身顫抖著，突然覺得非常虛弱，好像她的骨頭都融化了，她從為沃爾特感到悲傷轉(zhuǎn)移到為自己感到惋惜上來了。

“哦，你怎么能這樣對待我？”她哭著說，“你難道不知道我全身心地愛著你嗎？沒人愛你像我愛你那樣深？”

“寶貝兒?！?/p>

他開始吻她。

“不，不?！彼暗?。

他想親她的臉，但是她躲開了；他又想親她的嘴，她不知道他嘴里在說些什么，都是不成句的、激動的情話，他的胳膊緊緊摟著她，讓她覺得就像一個走丟的孩子，終于安全到家了。她虛弱地發(fā)出了一聲呻吟，眼睛緊閉著，臉被淚水打濕了。這時，他找到了她的嘴唇，把自己的嘴唇壓在了上面，她的身體就像過電一樣麻，那是一種狂喜，她感覺身體燃燒著，臉漲得通紅，就好像完全變了一個人似的。在她的夢中，她曾體驗(yàn)過這種狂喜。他現(xiàn)在正在和她干什么呢？她不知道，她不再是個女人，她整個人已經(jīng)融化了，只剩下欲望的火焰了。他把她整個人都抱了起來，在他的懷抱中，她變得輕飄飄的了。他抱著她，而她緊緊地貼著他的胸膛，絕望而溫順。她的頭陷入了枕頭里，他的雙唇貼了上去。