雙語·返老還童：菲茨杰拉德短篇小說選 五一節(jié) 二

MAY DAY II

Fifth Avenue and Forty-fourth Street swarmed with the noon crowd. The wealthy, happy sun glittered in transient gold through the thick windows of the smart shops, lighting upon mesh bags and purses and strings of pearls in gray velvet cases; upon gaudy feather fans of many colors; upon the laces and silks of expensive dresses; upon the bad paintings and the fine period furniture in the elaborate show rooms of interior decorators.

Working-girls, in pairs and groups and swarms, loitered by these windows, choosing their future boudoirs from some resplendent display which included even a man's silk pajamas laid domestically across the bed. They stood in front of the jewelry stores and picked out their engagement rings, and their wedding rings and their platinum wrist watches, and then drifted on to inspect the feather fans and opera cloaks; meanwhile digesting the sandwiches and sundaes they had eaten for lunch.

All through the crowd were men in uniform, sailors from the great fleet anchored in the Hudson, soldiers with divisional insignia from Massachusetts to California, wanting fearfully to be noticed, and finding the great city thoroughly fed up with soldiers unless they were nicely massed into pretty formations and uncomfortable under the weight of a pack and rifle. Through this medley Dean and Gordon wandered; the former interested, made alert by the display of humanity at its frothiest and gaudiest; the latter reminded of how often he had been one of the crowd, tired, casually fed, overworked, and dissipated. To Dean the struggle was significant, young, cheerful; to Gordon it was dismal, meaningless, endless.

In the Yale Club they met a group of their former classmates who greeted the visiting Dean vociferously. Sitting in a semicircle of lounges and great chairs, they had a highball all around.

Gordon found the conversation tiresome and interminable. They lunched together en masse, warmed with liquor as the afternoon began. They were all going to the Gamma Psi dance that night—it promised to be the best party since the war.

“Edith Bradin's coming,” said some one to Gordon. “Didn't she used to be an old flame of yours? Aren't you both from Harrisburg?”

“Yes.” He tried to change the subject. “I see her brother occasionally. He's sort of a socialistic nut. Runs a paper or something here in New York.”

“Not like his gay sister, eh?” continued his eager informant. “Well, she's coming to-night—with a junior named Peter Himmel.”

Gordon was to meet Jewel Hudson at eight o'clock—he had promised to have some money for her. Several times he glanced nervously at his wrist watch. At four, to his relief, Dean rose and announced that he was going over to Rivers Brothers to buy some collars and ties. But as they left the Club another of the party joined them, to Gordon's great dismay. Dean was in a jovial mood now, happy, expectant of the evening's party, faintly hilarious. Over in Rivers' he chose a dozen neckties, selecting each one after long consultations with the other man. Did he think narrow ties were coming back? And wasn't it a shame that Rivers couldn't get any more Welsh Margotson collars? There never was a collar like the“Covington.”

Gordon was in something of a panic. He wanted the money immediately. And he was now inspired also with a vague idea of attending the Gamma Psi dance. He wanted to see Edith—Edith whom he hadn't met since one romantic night at the Harrisburg Country Club just before he went to France. The affair had died, drowned in the turmoil of the war and quite forgotten in the arabesque of these three months, but a picture of her, poignant, debonnaire, immersed in her own inconsequential chatter, recurred to him unexpectedly and brought a hundred memories with it. It was Edith's face that he had cherished through college with a sort of detached yet affectionate admiration. He had loved to draw her—around his room had been a dozen sketches of her—playing golf, swimming—he could draw her pert, arresting profile with his eyes shut.

They left Rivers' at five-thirty and parsed for a moment on the sidewalk.

“Well,” said Dean genially, “I'm all set now. Think I'll go back to the hotel and get a shave, haircut, and massage.”

“Good enough,” said the other man, “I think I'll join you.”

Gordon wondered if he was to be beaten after all. With difficulty he restrained himself from turning to the man and snarling out, “Go on away, damn you!” In despair he suspected that perhaps Dean had spoken to him, was keeping him along in order to avoid a dispute about the money.

They went into the Biltmore—a Biltmore alive with girls—mostly from the West and South, the stellar débutantes of many cities gathered for the dance of a famous fraternity of a famous university. But to Gordon they were faces in a dream. He gathered together his forces for a last appeal, was about to come out with he knew not what, when Dean suddenly excused himself to the other man and taking Gordon's arm led him aside.

“Gordy,” he said quickly, “I've thought the whole thing over carefully and I've decided that I can't lend you that money. I'd like to oblige you, but I don't feel I ought to—it'd put a crimp in me for a month.”

Gordon, watching him dully, wondered why he had never before noticed how much those upper teeth projected.

“—I'm mighty sorry, Gordon,” continued Dean, “but that's the way it is.”

He took out his wallet and deliberately counted out seventy-five dollars in bills.

“Here,” he said, holding them out, “here's seventy-five; that makes eighty all together. That's all the actual cash I have with me, besides what I'll actually spend on the trip.”

Gordon raised his clenched hand automatically, opened it as though it were a tongs he was holding, and clenched it again on the money.

“I'll see you at the dance,” continued Dean. “I've got to get along to the barber shop.”

“So-long,” said Gordon in a strained and husky voice.

“So-long.”

Dean, began to smile, but seemed to change his mind. He nodded briskly and disappeared.

But Gordon stood there, his handsome face awry with distress, the roll of bills clenched tightly in his hand. Then, blinded by sudden tears, he stumbled clumsily down the Biltmore steps.

五一節(jié) 二

中午，第五大街和第五十四大街上人山人海。開心又闊氣的太陽將瞬息萬變的金色光芒透過豪華商場的厚玻璃窗，照在里面的網(wǎng)格包、錢包、灰色天鵝絨包裝盒里的串串珍珠上；照在五顏六色、花里胡哨的羽毛扇子上；照在豪華禮服的蕾絲花邊兒和真絲布料上；照在室內(nèi)裝潢者精心設(shè)計的展覽室內(nèi)展出的劣質(zhì)繪畫和精致的古典家具上。

正值韶華的職業(yè)女性們?nèi)齼蓛?、成群結(jié)隊地在這些櫥窗前流連忘返，從奢華的展品中挑選未來的閨房用品，展品中甚至還有一套擺在床上、富有家庭氣息的男士真絲睡衣。她們站在珠寶店櫥窗前，挑選訂婚戒指、結(jié)婚戒指和白金手表，然后又隨意逛著去細(xì)細(xì)查看羽毛扇子和晚禮服斗篷，順便把午餐吃的三明治和圣代消化掉。

人群中總是混有穿軍裝的人，從駐扎在哈德森河上那龐大的艦隊里來的水手，佩戴著從馬薩諸塞到加利福尼亞師部番號的士兵，他們迫不及待地想引起人們的關(guān)注，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)，除非他們英姿颯爽地排成漂亮的隊形，背上那令人討厭的行軍包和步槍，否則這座偉大的城市已經(jīng)厭棄他們了。

迪恩和戈登在這魚龍混雜的人群中閑逛；迪恩興致勃勃地感受人類展現(xiàn)出的浮華絢麗的一面，變得活潑起來；戈登卻回想起過去他曾怎樣頻繁地在這樣的人群中穿梭，疲憊不堪，三餐不定，超負(fù)荷工作，身體都被掏空了。對迪恩而言，奮斗是意義非凡的，是年輕人的專利，是令人振奮的；而對戈登而言，奮斗卻是苦不堪言、毫無意義、無休無止的。

他們在耶魯俱樂部遇到了一群以前的同班同學(xué)，大家吵吵嚷嚷地向遠(yuǎn)道而來的迪恩問好。他們坐在躺椅和大椅子上，圍成半圓形，喝著四周擺滿的、摻有冰水的威士忌飲料。

戈登覺得他們的談話令人心煩、沒完沒了。他們一起吃了午飯，又打了雞血似的喝了一下午的酒。他們都要去參加那天晚上的伽馬普賽舞會——這場舞會將會是戰(zhàn)后最熱鬧的派對。

“伊迪絲·布拉丁會來的，”有人對戈登說，“她以前不是你的老相好嗎？你們兩個不都是從哈里斯堡來的嗎？”

“是的?！彼噲D轉(zhuǎn)換話題，“我偶爾見到她哥哥。他是個堅定的社會主義者，好像在紐約經(jīng)營了一家報紙什么的?！?/p>

“呃？這可不像他那位追求享樂的妹妹?！彼俏粺崆榈那閳髥T接著說，“哦，她今晚和一個名叫彼得·希梅爾的三年級學(xué)弟一起來?！?/p>

戈登八點(diǎn)鐘必須和朱沃爾·哈德森見面——他答應(yīng)為她籌些錢。他心急如焚地看了幾次手表。令他感到釋然的是，四點(diǎn)鐘的時候，迪恩站起來聲稱他要去里夫斯兄弟商店買幾條領(lǐng)子和幾條領(lǐng)帶。然而，令戈登懊惱的是，這群人中還有一個人也跟著他們一起離開了俱樂部。此刻，迪恩的心情好極了，他愉快地期待著晚上的舞會趕快到來，簡直有點(diǎn)喜出望外。到了里夫斯商店，他買了一打領(lǐng)帶，每買一條，他都要和另外那個人討論很久。他是否覺得窄領(lǐng)帶又會重新流行起來？里夫斯商店不再出售韋爾奇·馬吉特森領(lǐng)子是不是很遺憾？再也找不到像“科溫頓”牌那樣的領(lǐng)子了。

戈登感到心頭有點(diǎn)發(fā)慌，他想馬上拿到錢。此刻，他也隱隱約約地想去參加伽馬普賽舞會，而且被這個想法鼓舞著。他渴望見到伊迪絲——伊迪絲，就在他去法國的前一天，他在哈里斯堡的鄉(xiāng)村俱樂部和她度過了一個浪漫的夜晚后，就再也沒有見過她。這場戀愛結(jié)束了，被戰(zhàn)爭的旋渦吞沒了，而且這三個月以來他歷經(jīng)坎坷，已經(jīng)完全把它棄于腦后了。然而，她的形象突然跳進(jìn)他的腦海，激起他千百個回憶。她活潑、開朗，津津有味地說著閑話。正是伊迪絲的音容笑貌使他如獲至寶，他懷著一種若即若離卻又情深意長的愛慕之情度過了大學(xué)生活。他喜歡為她畫像——他的房間里擺了十幾幅她的素描畫像——打高爾夫的，游泳的——他閉著眼睛都能畫出她那嬌俏玲瓏、令人心醉的輪廓。

他們五點(diǎn)半離開了里夫斯商店，在人行道上站了一會兒。

“哦，”迪恩快活地說，“現(xiàn)在，我的東西都買齊了。我想我要回酒店刮刮胡子，理個發(fā)，做個按摩?！?/p>

“好極了，”另一個人說，“我想我和你一起吧?！?/p>

戈登想弄明白他是否被人耍了。他艱難地抑制住自己的情緒，讓自己不要對那人咆哮，“滾開，你這個渾蛋！”戈登在絕望中產(chǎn)生了懷疑，也許，迪恩之前已經(jīng)和他串通好了，讓他一直跟著他們，以免為了錢的事發(fā)生爭執(zhí)。

他們走進(jìn)巴爾的摩酒店——一家住滿女孩子、充滿生機(jī)的酒店——她們大都來自西部和南部，是許多大城市中初涉社交界的、燦如星河的名門閨秀。她們聚集在這里，是為了參加一所知名大學(xué)的一個知名的校友會舉辦的舞會。然而她們的音容笑貌在戈登看來卻恍然如在夢中。他竭盡全力想做最后的請求，他正要開口說出連自己都不知所云的話，迪恩卻突然向那個人表示出歉意，然后拽著戈登的胳膊把他拉到一邊。

“戈迪，”他匆匆地說，“我已經(jīng)對這件事情做了全面、仔細(xì)的考慮，我決定不能借給你那筆錢。我也想幫你，可是我覺得我不該那么做——這會給我的生活帶來一個月的不方便?！?/p>

戈登呆呆地望著他，奇怪地想，為什么自己以前從來沒有注意到他上面的那排齙牙凸得那么厲害。

“——非常抱歉，戈登，”迪恩接著說，“不過，情況本來就是這樣?！?/p>

他掏出錢包，不緊不慢地數(shù)了七十五美元。

“這是，”他說著，伸出手，“這是七十五美元，總共八十美元。實(shí)際上我身上帶的現(xiàn)金除了旅游的必要開支，也就只有這么多了?！?/p>

戈登不假思索地舉起一只攥得緊緊的手，如打開握著的鉗子般把手指伸開，接過錢，又重新攥起來。

“舞會上見，”迪恩接著說，“我得去理發(fā)店了?！?/p>

“再見?！备甑钦f，他的聲音僵硬而沙啞。

“再見?！?/p>

迪恩開始微笑，不過似乎又突然改變了注意，匆匆地點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭，走開了。

戈登卻站在那里，英俊的臉龐痛苦地扭曲著，手里緊緊攥著一卷鈔票。接著，淚水突然模糊了他的雙眼，他跌跌撞撞地從巴爾的摩酒店的樓梯上走下來。