My days are as happy as those reserved by God for his elect; and, whatever be my fate hereafter, I can never say that I have not tasted joy,— the purest joy of life. You know Walheim. I am now completely settled there. In that spot I am only half a league from Lotte; and there I enjoy myself, and taste all the pleasure which can fall to the lot of man.
Little did I imagine, when I selected Walheim for my pedestrian excursions, that all heaven lay so near it. How often in my wanderings from the hillside or from the meadows across the river, have I beheld this hunting-lodge, which now contains within it all the joy of my heart!
I have often, my dear Wilhelm, reflected on the eagerness men feel to wander and make new discoveries, and upon that secret impulse which afterward inclines them to return to their narrow circle, conform to the laws of custom, and embarrass themselves no longer with what passes around them.
It is so strange how, when I came here first, and gazed upon that lovely valley from the hillside, I felt charmed with the entire scene surrounding me. The little wood opposite—how delightful to sit under its shade! How fine the view from that point of rock! Then, that delightful chain of hills, and the exquisite valleys at their feet! Could I but wander and lose myself amongst them! I went, and returned without finding what I wished. Distance, my friend, is like futurity. A dim vastness is spread before our souls: the perceptions of our mind are as obscure as those of our vision; and we desire earnestly to surrender up our whole being, that it may be filled with the complete and perfect bliss of one glorious emotion. But alas! when we have attained our object, when the distant there becomes the present here, all is changed: we are as poor and circumscribed as ever, and our souls still languish for unattainable happiness.
So does the restless traveller pant for his native soil, and find in his own cottage, in the arms of his wife, in the affections of his children, and in the labour necessary for their support, that happiness which he had sought in vain through the wide world.
When, in the morning at sunrise, I go out to Walheim, and with my own hands gather in the garden the pease which are to serve for my dinner, when I sit down to shell them, and read my Homer during the intervals, and then, selecting a saucepan from the kitchen, fetch my own butter, put my mess on the fire, cover it up, and sit down to stir it as occasion requires, I figure to myself the illustrious suitors of Penelope, killing, dressing, and preparing their own oxen and swine. Nothing fills me with a more pure and genuine sense of happiness than those traits of patriarchal life which, thank Heaven! I can imitate without affectation. Happy is it, indeed, for me that my heart is capable of feeling the same simple and innocent pleasure as the peasant whose table is covered with food of his own rearing, and who not only enjoys his meal, but remembers with delight the happy days and sunny mornings when he planted it, the soft evenings when he watered it, and the pleasure he experienced in watching its daily growth.
我過著極其幸福的日子,上帝能留給他那些圣徒們過的日子,想來也不過如此吧。不管我將來會(huì)怎樣,反正我不能再說,我沒有享受過歡樂,沒有享受過最純凈的生之樂趣?!闶橇私馕业?,威廉;我在這兒已完全定居下來,此處離綠蒂家只有半小時(shí)路程,在這兒我才充分感覺到自身的存在以及作為一個(gè)人所能享有的全部幸福。
過去我也曾一次次地到瓦爾海姆散步,但何嘗想到它竟然離天國這么近!我在作長距離漫游的途中,有時(shí)從山頂上,有時(shí)從河對(duì)岸的平野里,不是已無數(shù)次地眺望過如今珍藏著我的全部希望的獵莊么!
親愛的威廉,對(duì)于人們心中那種想要自我擴(kuò)張,想要發(fā)現(xiàn)新鮮事物,想要四處走走、見見世面的欲望,我曾經(jīng)考慮得很多很多;后來,對(duì)于他們的逆來順受,循規(guī)蹈矩,對(duì)周圍任何事情都漠不關(guān)心的本能,我又作了種種思索。
真美啊,我能來到這兒的小丘上,眺望那道美麗的峽谷,那周圍的景物竟是如此地吸引著我。——那兒有一座小小的樹林!——你要能到林蔭中去有多好!——那兒有一座高高的山峰!——你要能從峰頂俯瞰遼闊的原野有多好!——那兒有連綿的丘陵,幽靜的溝壑,你要能徜徉其中,流連忘返有多好!
我匆匆趕去,去而復(fù)返,卻不曾找到我所希望的東西。呵,對(duì)遠(yuǎn)方的希冀猶如對(duì)未來的憧憬!它像一個(gè)巨大的、朦朧的整體,靜靜地呈現(xiàn)在我們的靈魂面前,我們的感覺卻和我們的視覺一樣,在它里邊也變得迷茫模糊了;但我們?nèi)匀豢释?,唉!渴望著獻(xiàn)出自己的整個(gè)生命,渴望著讓那唯一的偉大而奇妙的感情來充溢自己的心?!墒?,當(dāng)我們真的趕上去,當(dāng)那兒成了這兒,當(dāng)未來的一切仍一如既往,唉!我們就發(fā)現(xiàn)自己仍然平庸,仍然淺陋;我們的靈魂仍然焦渴難當(dāng),切盼著吸吮那已經(jīng)流走了的甘霖。
這樣,浪跡天涯的游子最終又會(huì)思戀故土,并在自己的茅屋內(nèi),在妻子的懷抱里,在兒女們的簇?fù)硐?,在為維持生計(jì)的忙碌操勞中,找到他在廣大的世界上不曾尋得的歡樂。
清晨,我隨日出而出,去到我的瓦爾海姆,在那兒的菜園中采摘豌豆莢,采夠了就隱坐在地上撕去莢兒上的筋,邊撕邊讀我的荷馬?;氐綇N下,我又挑選一只鍋?zhàn)?,切下一塊黃油,把黃油和豆莢一塊兒倒進(jìn)鍋中,把鍋燉在爐子上,蓋好蓋兒,自己坐在一旁,時(shí)不時(shí)地把鍋里的豆莢攪兩下——這當(dāng)兒,珀涅羅珀那些高傲的求婚者們屠牛宰豬、剔骨烹肉的情景,便栩栩如生地讓我體驗(yàn)到了。感謝上帝,古代宗法社會(huì)的特殊生活習(xí)俗竟如此自然地與我的生活交融在一起,這比什么都更使我心中充滿了寧帖與踏實(shí)的感覺。
我真快活喲,我的心竟還能感受到一個(gè)人將自己種的蔬菜端上飯桌來時(shí)那種純真的歡樂;此刻擺在你面前的,可不僅僅是這么棵卷心菜啊,那栽插秧苗的美麗清晨,那灑水澆灌的可愛黃昏,所有那些為它的不斷生長而滿懷欣喜的好時(shí)光,統(tǒng)統(tǒng)都在一瞬間讓你再次享受到了。
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