一個(gè)3年時(shí)間徒步10000英里的女人

The Woman Who Walked 10,000 Miles (No Exaggeration) in Three Years

一個(gè)3年時(shí)間徒步10000英里的女人

 

A hundred years ago, when Robert Falcon Scott set out for Antarctica on his Terra Nova expedition, his two primary goals were scientific discovery and reaching the geographic South Pole. Arguably, though, Scott was really chasing what contemporary observers call a sufferfest. He set himself up for trouble: Scott brought Manchurian and Siberian ponies that quickly fell through the snow and ice; he planned, in part, for his crew to “man-haul,” meaning that the men would pull sleds full of gear, instead of relying on dogs. Even when Scott’s men faltered, they continued collecting specimens, including rocks. The expedition ended terribly; everybody who made the push to the pole died. Miserable, starving and frostbitten, one of Scott’s last four men killed himself by walking into a blizzard without even bothering to put on his boots.

一百年前，羅伯特·法爾康·司各特(Robert Falcon Scott)開(kāi)始特拉諾瓦之旅，啟程前往南極洲的時(shí)候，目標(biāo)有兩個(gè)：一是科學(xué)發(fā)現(xiàn)，二是達(dá)到地理意義上的南極點(diǎn)。然而我們可以說(shuō)，司各特真的在追尋當(dāng)代觀(guān)察家所謂的“苦難迷戀”。他總是自找苦吃：出行時(shí)帶了滿(mǎn)族小馬和西伯利亞小馬，沒(méi)多久它們就墮入了冰雪;安排了“人拉雪橇”，也就是讓同行者全力拉動(dòng)雪橇，而不是依賴(lài)于狗。甚至當(dāng)司各特的隨從人員掙扎前行時(shí)，依然要收集各種標(biāo)本，包括巖石。這場(chǎng)探險(xiǎn)的結(jié)果非常慘烈，這群拼命前往南極的人全都死了。司各特的最后四個(gè)同行者之一，因不堪悲慘、饑餓和凍傷，走進(jìn)暴風(fēng)雪自殺，連靴子都沒(méi)穿。

In the taxonomy of travelers, the word “explorer” suggests a morally superior pioneer, a man or woman who braves the battle against nature to discover new terrain, expanding our species’ understanding of the world. “Adventurer,” by contrast, implies a self-indulgent adrenaline junkie, who scares loved ones by courting puerile risk. The former, obviously, is the far better title, but it’s tough to claim these days. The world is Google-mapped. Reaching the actual virgin territory of space or the deep ocean requires resources that few possess. In short, the noble fig leaf of terra incognita has fallen away and laid bare the peripatetic, outsize bravado of Scott’s kindred spirits. The resulting itineraries are pretty strange. We now have guys like Felix Baumgartner sky-diving from a balloon-borne capsule at 128,100 feet.

在旅行者的分類(lèi)學(xué)中，“探索者”一詞意味著道德高尚的先鋒，是某個(gè)男人抑或女人，勇敢地與大自然搏斗，發(fā)現(xiàn)新的領(lǐng)地，拓展人類(lèi)對(duì)世界的了解。與之相比，“冒險(xiǎn)家”一詞則暗指一個(gè)自我放縱的為腎上腺素驅(qū)使的癮君子，總在追求幼稚的驚險(xiǎn)，讓親人擔(dān)驚受怕。顯然，前者是個(gè)明顯褒義的頭銜，但近幾年來(lái)，我們卻很難這樣區(qū)分。全世界都可以使用谷歌地圖了。達(dá)到太空中真正的處女地，或者潛入深海，所需的資源太多，不是某個(gè)個(gè)體所能擁有的。簡(jiǎn)言之，未知領(lǐng)域尊貴的無(wú)花果葉已經(jīng)隨風(fēng)飄逝，更凸顯出浪跡天涯的司各特精神是何等的可貴。從那以后，人類(lèi)的探險(xiǎn)路線(xiàn)已經(jīng)相當(dāng)不同?，F(xiàn)在，我們有了菲利克斯·鮑加特納 (Felix Baumgartner)這樣的勇敢者，能在128100英尺的高空，從熱氣球的小艙里跳下去。

Baumgartner falls squarely — and for more than four minutes, breaking the speed of sound — into the adventurer camp. But then there’s Sarah Marquis, who perhaps should be seen as an explorer like Scott, born in the wrong age. She is 42 and Swiss, and has spent three of the past four years walking about 10,000 miles by herself, from Siberia through the Gobi Desert, China, Laos and Thailand, then taking a cargo boat to Brisbane, Australia, and walking across that continent. Along the way, like Scott, she has starved, she has frozen, she has (wo)man-hauled. She has pushed herself at great physical cost to places she wanted to love but ended up feeling, as Scott wrote of the South Pole in his journal: “Great God! This is an awful place.” Despite planning a ludicrous trip, and dying on it, Scott became beloved and, somewhat improbably, hugely respected. Marquis, meanwhile, can be confounding. “You tell people what you’re doing, and they say, ‘You’re crazy,’ ” Marquis told me. “It’s never: ‘Cool project, Sarah! Go for it.’ ” Perhaps this is because the territory Marquis explores is really internal — the nature of fear, the limits of stamina and self-reliance and the meaning of traveling in nature as a female human animal, alone.

鮑加特納直接跳了下去，經(jīng)歷了超音速的4分多鐘，跳入了冒險(xiǎn)家的陣營(yíng)。然而，我們又有了莎拉·馬奎斯(Sarah Marquis)，她或許應(yīng)該被視作一個(gè)司各特那樣的探索者，卻生不逢時(shí)。她42歲，瑞士人，在過(guò)去的四年中，用了三年時(shí)間，孤身徒步旅行了大約一萬(wàn)英里，從西伯利亞出發(fā)，穿越戈壁沙漠、中國(guó)、老撾和泰國(guó)，然后乘坐貨船到了澳大利亞布里斯班，又徒步橫跨了澳洲。一路上，她像司各特一樣，捱過(guò)了饑餓和嚴(yán)寒，也曾經(jīng)試過(guò)人拉雪橇。她強(qiáng)迫自己耗費(fèi)極大的體力到達(dá)了她本想熱愛(ài)卻最終只能略一感受的地方，正如司各特在日記中對(duì)南極點(diǎn)的描述：“偉大的上帝啊!這真是個(gè)糟糕的地方。”盡管司各特籌劃了那場(chǎng)荒謬的旅行并死在途中，但他卻因此深受熱愛(ài)，有時(shí)候難以置信地獲得了極高的尊崇。同樣，馬奎斯也令人不解。“我跟人們說(shuō)起我的所作所為，他們會(huì)說(shuō)，‘你瘋了。’”馬奎斯告訴我，“從來(lái)沒(méi)人說(shuō)：‘真是個(gè)超酷的計(jì)劃，莎拉!去做吧!’”也許這是因?yàn)轳R奎斯探索的領(lǐng)域本質(zhì)上是內(nèi)在的——她探究的是恐懼的本質(zhì)、耐力和自我依賴(lài)的極限以及一個(gè)女性人類(lèi)個(gè)體孤身一人在荒野中旅行的意義。

Meeting Marquis is strange if you’ve only seen her trip photos. In those, she is filthy, her hair is a rat’s nest and her eyes are introspective, beseeching and very alert. In person, she’s beautiful and charming; she always has a smile for waiters and cabdrivers, and her bangs are so well cut that they make her seem French. (Marquis’s hairdresser squashed her idea of shaving her head for her recent trek, saying, “After all the work we’ve done?!”)

如果你只見(jiàn)過(guò)馬奎斯的旅行照片，那么，與她見(jiàn)面會(huì)是一件奇怪的事。照片中她很骯臟，蓬頭垢面，頭發(fā)像個(gè)老鼠窩，目光內(nèi)省而警覺(jué)，充滿(mǎn)渴求。當(dāng)你與她面對(duì)面坐下，會(huì)發(fā)覺(jué)她美麗動(dòng)人：對(duì)待服務(wù)員和出租車(chē)司機(jī)她始終含著微笑，劉海修剪得如此精致，像個(gè)法國(guó)人。(馬奎斯的發(fā)型師粉碎了她最近一趟徒步旅行之前剃光頭發(fā)的主意。他說(shuō)：“什么?我們好不容易做好的發(fā)型你要剃掉?”)

Marquis grew up in Montsevelier, a village of 500 people in the Jura Mountains, in what Marquis describes as “the northern part of Switzerland — it’s not the nice part.” Her father, who worked as an engineer, paid Marquis one franc for every 100 slugs she picked out of the family garden. She befriended the family ewe, Moumou, and trained the pet rabbit to come when called. She liked people less. “My mom had nine sisters, and my dad had eight sisters and brothers, and those aunts and uncles all had three or four kids, so it was a big, screaming family, and for me it was a nightmare,” Marquis told me when I met her last winter in Washington. At age 8 she ran into the woods with her dog and spent the night in a cave. Marquis’s mother called the police, but when Marquis returned, her mother didn’t scold. Fighting Marquis’s wanderlust was hopeless.

馬奎斯在芒特塞維利耶長(zhǎng)大，那是侏羅山區(qū)一個(gè)五百人的村莊，馬奎斯說(shuō)那一帶位于“瑞士的北部，不算很好”。父親是個(gè)工程師，小時(shí)候，她在家中花園里每捉到一百只鼻涕蟲(chóng)，父親就會(huì)給她一瑞士法郎。家中的母羊茉茉是她的好朋友，她訓(xùn)練過(guò)的小兔子召之即來(lái)。她喜歡清凈。“媽媽有九個(gè)姐妹，爸爸有八個(gè)兄弟姐妹，七大姑八大姨們每人又有三四個(gè)孩子，這是個(gè)充滿(mǎn)刺耳尖叫的巨大家庭，在我看來(lái)無(wú)異于噩夢(mèng)。”去年冬天在華盛頓見(jiàn)面時(shí)，馬奎斯這樣告訴我。八歲那年她帶著狗跑進(jìn)森林，在山洞里住了一夜。馬奎斯的媽媽報(bào)了警，但馬奎斯回家后，媽媽卻沒(méi)有罵她。因?yàn)樗靼祝c馬奎斯的漫游癖作對(duì)，是一場(chǎng)必?cái)〉膽?zhàn)爭(zhēng)。

When she was 16, Marquis answered a classified ad for a train company that promised free travel. She loved the idea of seeing Paris and Milan, but once Marquis started work, her colleagues, almost all of whom were older men, harassed her relentlessly. On the first day one man claimed he could smell that Marquis had her period. The experience was a boot camp — punishing but character-strengthening. “I learned how to build myself,” she said. “I built the tough skin I needed for later on. I learned how men worked.”

馬奎斯十六歲那年，按照分類(lèi)廣告的指引，來(lái)到一家火車(chē)公司工作，因?yàn)樗兄Z可免費(fèi)旅行。能見(jiàn)到巴黎和米蘭，這個(gè)念頭讓她迷戀，但一開(kāi)始工作，她就發(fā)現(xiàn)同事幾乎都是老男人，而且她遭到了他們肆意的騷擾。上班的第一天，一個(gè)男人就宣稱(chēng)他可以聞出馬奎斯的例假來(lái)了。這種經(jīng)歷就像新兵訓(xùn)練營(yíng)，充滿(mǎn)懲罰，但卻錘煉性格。“我學(xué)會(huì)了如何鍛造自己，”她說(shuō)。“我練出了一身后來(lái)所需的堅(jiān)韌皮膚，也學(xué)會(huì)了男性的工作方式。”

Marquis’s desire to travel began to coalesce around the question of whether she could survive by herself in nature. First, she decided to ride a horse across Turkey. On that trip, she ate apricots off trees and slept with her head on her saddle. Muslim women bathed her in warm goat’s milk. But after that, Marquis’s itineraries veered away from romance and pleasure into solitude and suffering. In her early 20s she flew to New Zealand and set out on a four-day backpacking trip with some noodles, a huge radio and three or four books — “everything except what I needed.” The outing, by typical standards, was a fiasco. Day 1 it poured; Marquis didn’t know how to set up her tent, and she was freezing and bored because, she now said wryly, “at night there was nothing to do.” But near the end of the trip she had a sort-of epiphany. “Something happened,” she said. (Articulating her reasons for pursuing her travels is not one of Marquis’s strengths.) “Over the years I’ve had this feeling again and again.” Chasing that inexplicable sensation is why she walks.

馬奎斯對(duì)旅行的渴望越發(fā)深濃，最后歸結(jié)于一個(gè)疑問(wèn)：她能否孤身一人在荒野中逃出生天。一開(kāi)始，她決定騎馬穿越土耳其。在那次旅行中，她從杏樹(shù)上采果子吃，頭枕著馬鞍睡覺(jué)。穆斯林女人們讓她在溫暖的羊奶中洗澡。但從那以后，馬奎斯的路線(xiàn)就轉(zhuǎn)變了方向，從浪漫與歡愉轉(zhuǎn)向孤獨(dú)與苦難。二十出頭的時(shí)候，她飛到了新西蘭，帶了些面條、一臺(tái)巨大的無(wú)線(xiàn)電和三四本書(shū)，開(kāi)始了為期四天的背包徒步游。“除了我需要的東西，其他什么都帶了。”她那場(chǎng)遠(yuǎn)足用典型的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來(lái)看，是一場(chǎng)慘敗。第一天，大雨傾盆;馬奎斯不知道如何扎帳篷，凍得要死，百無(wú)聊賴(lài)，原因正如她現(xiàn)在含著苦笑所說(shuō)的那樣：“到了晚上，什么事都做不了。”但在苦旅即將結(jié)束時(shí)，她有了某種靈光一閃的領(lǐng)悟。“某件事發(fā)生了。”她說(shuō)。(把無(wú)休止旅行的原因說(shuō)得清清楚楚，并不是她的長(zhǎng)項(xiàng)。)“在過(guò)去的幾年中，我一次又一次地領(lǐng)略到這種感覺(jué)。”追尋這種難以言說(shuō)的感觸，就是她遠(yuǎn)足的原因。

Marquis spent the winter after that trip earning money by bartending in Verbier, a fancy off-piste ski resort in the Alps. The next summer she returned to New Zealand. This time she walked into the South Island’s Kahurangi National Park without food to see if she could survive for 30 days. That trip, too, was a trial. Marquis failed at spearfishing, consumed only mussels and lost 20 pounds. But she not only recaptured that inchoate feeling she craved; she also glimpsed the savageness of her desire. “That was the first time I actually got in touch with the wild,” Marquis said. “You know when you’re really, really hungry? You have to teach yourself that food is not a big issue. You just need sleep and sweet water.”

那次旅行回來(lái)之后，馬奎斯在威爾比爾當(dāng)酒吧招待，度過(guò)了一個(gè)冬天。威爾比爾是阿爾卑斯山脈一個(gè)極地滑雪勝地。次年夏天，她回到了新西蘭。這次，她走進(jìn)南島的卡胡朗吉國(guó)家公園，沒(méi)帶食物，想看看自己能不能荒野求生三十天。同樣，那趟旅行也是一場(chǎng)實(shí)驗(yàn)。馬奎斯用魚(yú)叉扎魚(yú)的計(jì)劃宣告失敗，她只有牡蠣可吃，瘦了二十磅。但她不僅重新得到了自己渴望的那種莫可名狀的體驗(yàn)，而且瞥見(jiàn)了自己欲望中的野性。“那是我第一次真正與大自然親密接觸，”馬奎斯說(shuō)。“你知道非常、非常饑餓是什么樣的感覺(jué)嗎?你必須告訴自己，食物不是什么大問(wèn)題。你所需的只是睡眠和淡水。”

Marquis returned to Switzerland and embraced the cycle — work for money, then leave on some extreme challenge she devised for herself. She canoed through Canada’s Algonquin park without knowing how to portage; she was attacked by beavers camping near water in Patagonia; she hiked the 2,650-mile Pacific Crest Trail. She remained captivated by what she describes as “this wild call from inside me” and decided to walk 8,700 miles around Australia.

馬奎斯回到瑞士，回到了生活的循環(huán)中——打工，賺夠錢(qián)之后就離開(kāi)，奔向下一項(xiàng)極限挑戰(zhàn)。她曾經(jīng)在不知道路線(xiàn)的情況下劃著獨(dú)木舟穿越了加拿大阿岡昆公園;在巴塔哥尼亞的河邊露營(yíng)時(shí)，她遭到了海貍的攻擊;她徒步走過(guò)了2650英里(約等于4265公里)長(zhǎng)的太平洋山脊步道。那種“來(lái)自?xún)?nèi)心的野性呼喚”讓她一直心醉神迷，于是，她決定在澳大利亞徒步8700英里。

For that trip, Marquis lined up her first sponsor, the North Face. She doesn’t think she impressed the company by her pitch. She believes it gave her a few backpacks, a couple of tents and some clothes because, she said, “when I told them what I was going to do, they thought, We can’t let that little thing go out without gear.” To supplement the inadequate supply of noodles she could carry, Marquis brought a slingshot, a blow gun, some wire to make snares and a net for catching insects. In the warm months, Marquis ate goannas, geckos and bearded dragons. In the cold months, when the reptiles hid, she subsisted on an Aboriginal standby, witchetty grubs — white, caterpillar-size moth larvae that live in the roots of Mulga trees. (Raw, Marquis said, they taste like unsweetened condensed milk; seared in hot sand, they crisp up nicely.) Throughout, Marquis tried to minimize human contact. She hid her femininity with loose clothes, big sunglasses, hair piled up in a hat. When water was scarce, she collected condensation, either by digging a deep hole and lining the cool bottom with plastic or by tying a tarp around a bush. If those techniques didn’t yield enough liquid — and they rarely did — she drank snake blood. At night Marquis slept close to the trunks of trees, touching the bark in a way that she describes as “almost carnal.” She fell in love with a particular twisted and wind-bent Western myall tree on Australia’s Nullarbor Plain.

為了那趟旅行，馬奎斯聯(lián)系了自己的第一個(gè)贊助商，北面公司。她感覺(jué)自己的旅行經(jīng)歷并沒(méi)有讓這個(gè)公司刮目相看。她想北面給了她幾只背包、兩頂帳篷和一些衣服，因?yàn)樗f(shuō)：“我告訴他們我的打算，他們想，我們可不能眼睜睜地看著這個(gè)小東西不帶裝備就出發(fā)。”馬奎斯隨身可以攜帶的面條不多，為了彌補(bǔ)食物的不足，她帶了彈弓、吹槍、制作繩套及結(jié)網(wǎng)的繩子用來(lái)捕食蟲(chóng)子。在溫暖的季節(jié)里，馬奎斯吃巨蜥、壁虎和鬃獅蜥。在寒冷的季節(jié)，爬行動(dòng)物都藏了起來(lái)，她就靠本土常見(jiàn)的巫蠐螬為食。那是一種白色的毛毛蟲(chóng)大小的蛾子幼蟲(chóng)，生活在金合歡樹(shù)根周?chē)耐晾铩?馬奎斯說(shuō)，這種蟲(chóng)子如果生吃，口味像是沒(méi)加糖的煉乳。在熾熱的沙地里烤過(guò)之后，變得酥脆可口。)自始至終，馬奎斯都盡量不與人類(lèi)社會(huì)接觸。她用寬松的衣服和大太陽(yáng)鏡遮住了自己的女性氣質(zhì)，把頭發(fā)挽起藏在帽子里。缺水時(shí)，她收集冷凝水，挖一個(gè)深坑，在陰涼的底部鋪上塑料袋，或者在灌木周?chē)ι戏浪迹占端?。如果這些技巧仍然不能帶來(lái)足夠的水——這種情況很少發(fā)生 ——她就喝蛇血。到了夜里，馬奎斯挨著樹(shù)干睡覺(jué)，用一種她所謂的“幾近肉欲”的方式貼著樹(shù)皮。她愛(ài)上了澳大利亞納拉伯平原上一棵被風(fēng)吹彎的格外扭曲的西部垂枝相思樹(shù)。

On June 20, 2010, Marquis’s 38th birthday, she set out to walk from Siberia through Asia and, once back in Australia, trek to her beloved tree. The video of Marquis walking away from her starting point in Irkutsk feels like the setup for a horror film. “Hello, O.K., so here we are,” she said just before turning away from the camera. “Time to go now!” On her back is a 75-pound pack, and trailing behind her, overflowing with gear secured by bungee cords, is a custom-made cart that looks like a cross between a wheelbarrow and a giant roller bag — her dry-land sled. After Australia, Marquis couldn’t handle slaughtering more animals; she says it felt “like killing a friend.” So she decided to carry rice and hard biscuits (the latter inedible without “a nice, hot cup of tea”), which meant she would need to pull a cart. It now weighed 120 pounds.

2010年6月20日，馬奎斯38歲生日那天，她開(kāi)始了那趟旅行，從西伯利亞出發(fā)，穿過(guò)亞洲，回到澳大利亞，徒步走到到她摯愛(ài)的那棵樹(shù)下。馬奎斯從伊爾庫(kù)茨克起點(diǎn)出發(fā)時(shí)錄制的那段視頻感覺(jué)就像一部恐怖片的背景。“你好!嗯，我們?cè)谶@里了。”她說(shuō)著就轉(zhuǎn)身離開(kāi)了鏡頭。“出發(fā)了!”她的背上是75磅重的背包，跟在她身后的是一輛滿(mǎn)載著戶(hù)外裝備的定制的小車(chē)，用蹦極繩子捆緊，模樣像個(gè)十字架，功能則兼具獨(dú)輪手推車(chē)和大拖輪行李箱的特點(diǎn)，也就是一輛旱地上的雪橇。離開(kāi)澳大利亞之后，馬奎斯無(wú)法接受殺戮更多的動(dòng)物，她說(shuō)感覺(jué)“就像殺害朋友”，于是決定攜帶米飯和硬餅干(后者哪怕沒(méi)有“可口的熱茶”也可以吃下去)，這意味著她需要拉著一輛車(chē)旅行。現(xiàn)在，這輛車(chē)重達(dá)120磅。

To prepare for the expedition, Marquis spent two years walking or snowshoeing 20 miles a day, wearing 75 pounds. On the trip itself, she carried, among other things, five pairs of underwear, a large pocketknife, wide-spectrum antibiotics, tea-tree oil for massaging her feet, a solar-powered charger, a beacon, a BlackBerry, a satellite phone, Crocs, a compass, a tiny emergency stash of amphetamines (“that’s the backup backup backup of the backup; in case you lose a foot and you need to get out and not feel a thing”) and pink merino-wool pajamas (“you put them on and you feel good, you feel gorgeous”).

為了準(zhǔn)備這場(chǎng)遠(yuǎn)足，馬奎斯花費(fèi)了兩年時(shí)間，每天負(fù)重75磅，徒步或穿著雪地靴步行二十英里。在旅途中，除了其他物品，她還要攜帶五套內(nèi)衣褲、一把隨身大折疊刀、廣譜抗生素、用于腳部按摩的茶樹(shù)油、太陽(yáng)能充電器、信標(biāo)、黑莓手機(jī)、衛(wèi)星電話(huà)、洞洞鞋、指南針、僅為緊急情況準(zhǔn)備的一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)安非他命(她說(shuō)： “這是最最最最無(wú)奈的備選方案。萬(wàn)一失去了一只腳，你需要毫無(wú)痛覺(jué)地走出困境。”)和一套粉色美利奴羊毛睡衣(“穿上以后感覺(jué)很好，覺(jué)得自己漂亮極了。”)。

The afternoon she departed from Irktusk, Marquis walked just a few miles and set down her load. “That first day I don’t even eat or do anything,” Marquis explains. “By that point, I’m so exhausted, it’s unbelievable.”

那天下午，馬奎斯離開(kāi)了伊爾庫(kù)茨克，才徒步了幾英里就卸下了重負(fù)。“那只是第一天，我什么都沒(méi)吃，什么都沒(méi)干。”馬奎斯解釋道。“那時(shí)我已經(jīng)筋疲力盡，太難以置信了。”

In truth, the first six months on Marquis’s trips are always harrowing. She describes it as “the washing machine”: endless agitation, physical pain, emotional pain, nonstop bargaining among opposing internal voices — the inner demons that whisper, Remember the delicious foam on the cafe latte? and the inner angels that reprimand, Coffee isn’t accessible now, so why talk about it? “You can’t move your hands, you can’t move your feet, you just want to die,” Marquis said. “You think about sleep all the time, because maybe sleep will set things straight.”

事實(shí)上，馬奎斯那趟旅行的最初六個(gè)月始終如此痛苦。她說(shuō)就像“洗衣機(jī)”：無(wú)窮無(wú)盡的焦灼、身體上的痛苦、情緒上的煎熬、內(nèi)心兩種相反意見(jiàn)無(wú)休止的爭(zhēng)吵——內(nèi)在的惡魔悄聲說(shuō)：還記得拿鐵咖啡上那層香濃的泡沫么?內(nèi)在的天使斥責(zé)道：現(xiàn)在又沒(méi)有咖啡，說(shuō)這個(gè)干什么!“你的手動(dòng)不了，腳也動(dòng)不了，只想死掉。”馬奎斯說(shuō)。“你隨時(shí)想躺下睡一覺(jué)，滿(mǎn)心希望一覺(jué)醒來(lái)后，一切恢復(fù)正常。”

A few months into her journey, Marquis shot a video of herself in her sleeping bag. Like a hostage clutching a newspaper, she holds a thermometer that reads minus 20 Celsius. “I don’t sleep much these days. I do not know what time it is. Maybe midnight, or something like that?” In the next day’s video, she looks wrecked. The previous night a wind- and sandstorm ripped across the Mongolian plains. To keep the nylon of her tent from tearing, Marquis removed the metal poles holding it up. But she still feared the gales would blow away her gear, so she unzipped herself from her collapsed shelter and lay atop her pack, tent and cart.

旅程開(kāi)始幾個(gè)月之后，馬奎斯錄制了一段自己在睡袋中的視頻。就像一個(gè)抓著報(bào)紙的人質(zhì)，她手里拿著溫度計(jì)，上面顯示零下20攝氏度。“這些天我睡得很少，不知道現(xiàn)在是什么時(shí)間，也許是午夜，或者午夜前后?”在第二天的視頻中，她看上去很憔悴。之前的夜晚，一場(chǎng)大風(fēng)夾雜沙塵暴席卷了蒙古平原。為了防止尼龍帳篷被撕裂，馬奎斯把支撐帳篷的金屬桿拆了下來(lái)。但還是害怕裝備被大風(fēng)刮跑，于是她拉開(kāi)坍塌的帳篷的拉鏈，躺下去，用身體壓住背包、帳篷和小車(chē)。

Another night during those first months, while Marquis camped on a vast, overgrazed steppe that she describes as looking like an ugly golf course, she heard horses galloping toward her. The visitors turned out to be Mongol horsemen, all in traditional overcoat-like deels, making a vodka-fueled raid on her camp. After trying to steal her tent, they rode off. But for weeks, in the evenings, the men returned, treating Marquis, she said, as “the little entertainment.” To protect herself, she began waking before dawn, walking until midafternoon, then looking for a place to hide for the night — if possible, in a cement sewage pipe. “Everything is going on under those roads,” she said. “There is waste. There are dead sheep. But for me it was not a problem. I was safe.”

在最初的幾個(gè)月里還有一個(gè)夜晚，馬奎斯在一片遭到過(guò)度放牧的遼闊干草原上露營(yíng)，她說(shuō)，那片地方看上去像個(gè)丑陋的高爾夫球場(chǎng)。她聽(tīng)見(jiàn)馬群朝她飛奔而來(lái)，結(jié)果來(lái)訪(fǎng)者是一群蒙古牧馬人，全都穿著傳統(tǒng)的蒙古長(zhǎng)袍，醉飲伏特加之后向她的宿營(yíng)地發(fā)起了攻擊。他們?cè)噲D偷走帳篷，結(jié)果未遂就便策馬而去。但之后的幾個(gè)星期，每到夜里，這群牧民就會(huì)回來(lái)，招惹馬奎斯，把這當(dāng)成“一項(xiàng)小小的娛樂(lè)”。為了保護(hù)自己，馬奎斯在黎明前就醒來(lái)，徒步一直走到半下午，然后尋找一個(gè)夜里的藏身之地，如果可能，就藏在水泥排污管里。“道路下面，什么臟東西都有。”她說(shuō)。“有垃圾。有羊的尸體。但對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)這都不是問(wèn)題。我很安全。”

Eventually, however, Marquis passed out of Mongol territory. The washing-machine cycle ended. Her body changed, and her mind changed, too. Her senses sharpened to the point that she could smell shampoo on a tourist’s hair from a mile away. “One day you walk 12 hours, and you don’t feel pain,” Marquis said. The past and present telescope down to an all-consuming now. “There is no before or after. The intellect doesn’t drive you anymore. It doesn’t exist anymore. You become what nature needs you to be: this wild thing.”

然而，馬奎斯終于走出了蒙古的國(guó)土。洗衣機(jī)般的折磨結(jié)束了。她的身體變了，想法也變了。她的感覺(jué)靈敏極了，甚至能嗅到一英里之外游客頭發(fā)上洗發(fā)水的氣味。“有一天，你走了12個(gè)小時(shí)，連痛覺(jué)都感受不到了。”馬奎斯說(shuō)。往日和今天，都濃縮為一個(gè)銷(xiāo)蝕一切的此刻。“沒(méi)有過(guò)去，也沒(méi)有將來(lái)。智力不能幫你向前再走任何一步。它一點(diǎn)都不存在了。你變成了大自然需要你成為的樣子：就現(xiàn)在這個(gè)原始的模樣。”

As Francis Spufford writes in his history of British polar exploration, “I May Be Some Time,” for ages, men have wandered intentionally into extreme hardship, and they “are notoriously bad at saying why.” Marquis and her female peers — women who, say, walk across the Sahara alone with a camel or pull a 200-pound sled to the South Pole — don’t explain it much better. “People always ask, ‘Was it something in your childhood?’ ” says Felicity Aston, the first woman to ski solo across Antarctica. “I’ve thought about it endlessly: no.”

千秋萬(wàn)世以來(lái)，人類(lèi)漫游的腳步總在有意踏入極限的艱險(xiǎn)，而弗朗西斯·斯巴福德(Francis Spufford)在他的英倫極地探險(xiǎn)史一書(shū)中說(shuō)，“可能在某些時(shí)候，我特別不擅長(zhǎng)說(shuō)清楚為什么”。馬奎斯和她的女性同好們——女人，孤身一人騎著駱駝穿過(guò)沙漠或拉著200磅的雪橇走到南極，也無(wú)法更好地解釋為何要這樣做。“人們總是問(wèn)：‘你是不是有什么特殊的童年經(jīng)歷?’”第一位孤身滑雪穿過(guò)南極的女性菲麗西提·阿什頓(Felicity Aston)說(shuō)。“對(duì)這個(gè)問(wèn)題，我深思熟慮之后的回答是：沒(méi)有。”

The rest of Marquis’s trip was not all Zen bliss. Seven months into the walk, she lost a molar. Her gum abscessed, and the attendant infection, which couldn’t be controlled with the antibiotics, started moving down her neck, and she had to be evacuated from Mongolia. Marquis returned to the precise G.P.S. coordinates she left and made it to China, where, one day, some children followed her. She sang with them and taught them how to set up her tent — and then they stole her BlackBerry. In Laos, drug dealers descended on Marquis’s camp one night, firing their automatic weapons into the air. Soon after that, Marquis contracted dengue fever. She tied her left leg to a tree so she wouldn’t wander off in her delirium and drown herself in a river.

馬奎斯苦旅的剩下部分并不全是禪意的福祉。啟程七個(gè)月之后，她掉了一顆臼齒。她的牙床潰瘍了，伴隨的感染連抗生素都無(wú)法控制，開(kāi)始下行到頸部，她只好從蒙古返回到她根據(jù)GPS坐標(biāo)精確定位的起點(diǎn)，又進(jìn)入中國(guó)。在那里，某一天幾個(gè)小孩一直跟著她，她帶他們一起唱歌，教他們搭帳篷——后來(lái)他們偷走了她的黑莓手機(jī)。在老撾，一天夜里，毒販突襲了她的宿營(yíng)地，拿著自動(dòng)武器對(duì)空鳴響。之后沒(méi)多久，馬奎斯又感染了登革熱。她把自己的左腿綁到一棵樹(shù)上，以免自己在譫妄中亂走，掉進(jìn)河里淹死。

The trip smoothed out during the last year. Thailand was uneventful. Australia was lovely, despite the heat and the last couple of hundred miles, when Marquis’s legs cramped so badly that it was difficult to walk. She wrote a book about the experience, “Wild by Nature” (available only in French). The last page is profoundly anticlimactic. “I have arrived,” Marquis writes. “I touch the back of the tree with my right hand. ‘I’m back, darling.’ I sit down.”

這場(chǎng)旅行的最后一年漸漸順利起來(lái)。泰國(guó)之行波瀾不驚。澳大利亞十分可愛(ài)，盡管酷熱難當(dāng)，最后兩百英里時(shí)，馬奎斯的雙腿嚴(yán)重抽筋，幾乎無(wú)法行走。她把這段經(jīng)歷寫(xiě)成了一本書(shū)——《生來(lái)狂野》(Wild by Nature，只有法語(yǔ)版)。最后一頁(yè)如此淡然。“我到達(dá)了，”馬奎斯寫(xiě)道。“我用右手的手背觸摸著樹(shù)干。‘親愛(ài)的，我回來(lái)了。’我坐了下來(lái)。”

In Washington last winter, Marquis met with people from the National Geographic Speakers Bureau, because that’s what explorers do (and pretty much have always done): come home and sell their stories. It was nine months after re-entry into mainstream life, and she was happy to return to some physical comforts: sleeping in a bed, taking two baths a day. But she found being among people overwhelming, and her senses remained so acute that even just sitting in a cafeteria was grating. “You hear the dishwasher?” Marquis asked me, pointing toward an unseen kitchen. I shook my head. Marquis said, resigned, “There’s a radio playing back there, too.”

去年冬天，馬奎斯在華盛頓與國(guó)家地理演講局(National Geographic Speakers Bureau)的工作人員見(jiàn)面，因?yàn)樘诫U(xiǎn)家就是這樣(他們基本都試過(guò))：回家，把自己的故事寫(xiě)成書(shū)賣(mài)掉。當(dāng)時(shí)，她再次進(jìn)入主流生活已經(jīng)9個(gè)月了，很開(kāi)心身體能重新體驗(yàn)舒適的感覺(jué)：睡在床上，每天洗兩次澡。但她發(fā)現(xiàn)，身處人群讓她感覺(jué)壓抑，因?yàn)樗母泄偃允侨绱嗣翡J，僅僅是坐在餐廳里，都感覺(jué)是種折磨。“你聽(tīng)見(jiàn)洗碗機(jī)的聲音了嗎?”馬奎斯問(wèn)我，指著視野之外的廚房。我搖搖頭。馬奎斯無(wú)奈放棄了，說(shuō)：“那里面還有廣播的聲音。”

Marquis plans to return to northwest Australia in 2016. She said it’s her “dream to go with just a sarong and a knife” — the ultimate test of survival. It’s hard not to wonder where these urges come from. Geneticists, neuroscientists, psychologists and religious scholars have all taken stabs at answering, with unsatisfying results. But perhaps the real reason to court a sufferfest — to explore or adventure, or whatever you want to call it — is that it makes a person feel alive. The literature of survival is weirdly upbeat. A few days before dying, in 1912, Robert Falcon Scott wrote a letter telling a friend that he wished that friend were with him “to hear our songs and the cheery conversation.” The day of his death, Scott said of his trip, “How much better has it been than lounging in too great comfort at home.”

馬奎斯打算2016年回到澳大利亞西北部。她說(shuō)她的夢(mèng)想是只穿一件紗籠、帶一把旅行刀去澳洲，那將是生存實(shí)驗(yàn)的終極挑戰(zhàn)。人們很難不好奇，這種沖動(dòng)究竟從何而來(lái)。這個(gè)問(wèn)題遺傳學(xué)家、生理學(xué)家、心理學(xué)家和宗教學(xué)者都曾試圖回答，結(jié)果卻都不令人滿(mǎn)意。但是，一個(gè)受虐狂去探索或冒險(xiǎn)，真正的原因或許是—— 那會(huì)讓他們感到自己活著。歷險(xiǎn)主題的文學(xué)作品總是奇特而積極向上的。1912年，羅伯特·法爾康·司各特去世之前的幾天，寫(xiě)了一封信，告訴朋友他希望對(duì)方和自己在一起，“聆聽(tīng)我們的歡聲笑語(yǔ)”。去世那天，司各特說(shuō)起這場(chǎng)旅行，“這種感覺(jué)，比呆在家里要美好得太多太多了啊!”