吐槽：第一次約會的糗事 你有過嗎？

1. "I got sick from the food we ate at a restaurant, it did not agree with my stomach. On the freeway on the way home, I just couldn't 'hold it' anymore. My date kindly and quickly pulled off the road on an offramp, and I jumped out. It was desert terrain... No bushes!“

飯店吃的東西讓我的胃很不舒服。在回家的高速公路上，我再也忍不住了。跟我約會的那個人很好心地快速把車駛入匝道，我立馬跳出來，那是荒山野嶺啊……沒有灌木叢!”

In the cool night air, with only my date's car shielding me from the freeway, I had to relieve myself to end my gastrointestinal torture. When I was done... no toilet paper. My date went to his trunk and retrieved one of his custom-tailored white French-cuff suit shirts that was supposed to be dropped off at the cleaners the next morning... He donated the shirt to my cause. We left the shirt by the road side, BTW.

那個夜晚還有點涼風，在高速公路上，只有那輛車擋著我，我必須要解決我的腸胃問題。我結束之后……發(fā)現(xiàn)沒有廁紙。跟我約會的那個人從車里拿了一件他的定制白色雙層袖口西裝襯衫，這件衣服第二天本來應該是要扔去洗衣店的……他因為我的原因奉獻出了那件襯衫。順便提一下，后來我們把那件襯衫扔在路邊了。

Although totally embarrassed and humiliated, I got back into the car. Not only did my date handle the entire situation with compassion (although he still calls me Freeway), he took me back to the restaurant and raised a little hell about the incident their food had just created. We not only continued to date, we married and just celebrated 17 years in April.

即便我已經(jīng)那么尷尬跟丟臉了，我還是回到了車里。跟我約會的那個人不僅同情我的整個遭遇(雖然他現(xiàn)在仍舊叫我高速公路)，還帶我回到飯店，指責他們做的食物所引起的問題。之后我們不僅繼續(xù)約會，還結婚了，并且剛剛在四月份慶祝我們的17周年紀念。

2. "I went on a date with a guy who seemed totally normal, and together for the first half of the date, but then he started talking about these flowers that he grew, and how the flowers told him secrets, and expanded his mind, and made him whole. Took me a minute to realize he was saying that he grew pot, and consumed massive quantities of it every day. And it was apparently his whole life. Then he 'forgot' his wallet when the check came. Yeah, that was enough."

“我跟一個看起來完全正常的人約會，當約會進行到一半的時候，他開始談論起他種的那些花，說那些花是怎么告訴他秘密的，還開闊了他的眼界，令他完整了。我花了一分鐘去理解他說的就是他種花，并且每天都賣出去很多。還有很明顯那就是他的一切。然后服務員來結賬的時候，他“忘記”帶他的錢包了。好吧，這已經(jīng)夠夠的了。”

3. "On our first date, I had a boy pick me up in an old Bobtail loaded with cattle. The cows were crapping over the side of the truck onto my parents' suburban sidewalk. I married him."

“我們的第一次約會，那個男孩開著滿載著牛的車來接我。那些牛站在卡車邊，把屎拉在了我父母的郊區(qū)房子的人行道上。我還跟他結婚了。”

4. "One date I went on, the guy told me that he was addicted to coke."

“有一次我去約會，那個男的告訴我他對可樂上癮。”

5. "He was studying a degree in Forensic Science at the time and told me, 'I know how to get rid of a body so no one would ever know it was me, or where to find it.' Needless to say, I didn't pursue this romantic endeavour."

“他那時候正在修法醫(yī)學的學位，于是跟我說：“我知道怎么去處理尸體，那樣就沒有人會知道那是我干的或者找到尸體了。”不用說，我后來肯定沒再跟他約過了。”

6. "It was his birthday, so I offered to take him out to a nice rooftop restaurant. The drinks came and one of them spilled on the table, he stopped the waitress from wiping it up and proceeded to slurp it off of the table and said 'these drinks ain't cheap' (as though he was paying). Then he spent the rest of the night on his phone.

"那是他的生日，所以我打算帶他去一個屋頂上的飯店。喝的東西上來之后，其中一瓶溢在了桌子上，他便叫住了在擦桌子的服務員，滋溜滋溜地把桌子上的酒水吸起來喝掉，還說“這些喝的都不便宜呢”(弄得好像是他付錢似的)。然后他整晚都在打電話。

7. "The 'gentleman' told me that he did not believe in domestic violence as a crime since it was needed to keep women in their place."

那個“紳士”告訴我，他不相信家庭暴力竟然是犯罪行為，因為為了把女人留在家里，那是必須的。

8. "He talked like a baby. He put chopsticks in his mouth and pretended to be a mammoth."

“他說話像孩子一樣，還把筷子放在嘴里假裝是長毛象。”

9. "He apologized for slavery over dinner."

“他整個晚上都在為奴隸制度而道歉。”

10. "It was wing night, we ordered 40 wings, he left me four. Just four."

“那是個啃雞翅的夜晚。我們點了40個，他就給我留了四個。只有四個!”