我的朋友那么多，為什么知心的卻沒幾個(gè)？

Through high school and college, I had a close-knit group of friends. I was rarely alone.

高中和大學(xué)階段，我有不少親密的朋友，我很少獨(dú)自一人。

In college, I felt close to many but often sought a deeper friendship with my roommate, or the friend whose life, at the given semester, most intertwined with mine.

大學(xué)的時(shí)候，我覺得和很多人都很親近，但我會(huì)會(huì)去和我的室友或者在某個(gè)學(xué)期中跟我有許多生活交集的人建立更深的友誼。

But this year, lacking a “person” meant something different. My apartment, strung with Christmas lights and candles, shared with a lovely woman I met online, suddenly felt cold and isolating.

但這一年，缺個(gè)“人”的意味就有所不同了。我和我網(wǎng)上認(rèn)識(shí)的可愛女子合住，而這個(gè)掛滿了圣誕彩燈和蠟燭的公寓突然之間滿是寂寥和冷冰。

Friends lived mere subway stops away, dispersed between neighborhoods. I’d see them every few weeks, enjoying the intimacy of reunion. But in the quiet moments, the rides from work, I becamefixated on what I lacked.

我的朋友們就住在幾站地鐵之外，散布在不同的街區(qū)。我每隔幾周就會(huì)和他們見面，享受親密的重聚。但在安靜的時(shí)候，以及下班回家的路上，我就會(huì)關(guān)注到我所缺失的東西。

My closest platonic friendships do not necessarily require physical proximity, intimacy or daily communication to keep us close. This unconditionality makes the way I share and confide in my closest friends different from my friendship with my boyfriend.

我最親密的柏拉圖式友誼并不需要兩人離得很近、也不需要每日交流來保持親近的關(guān)系。我和最親密的朋友間這種無條件的分享和互訴衷腸有別于我和男友的關(guān)系。

In the past three months, I faced two emergency surgeries. Both ejected me from the city and placed me on bed rest, immobile and isolated, for weeks.

過去的三個(gè)月里，我面臨了兩次緊急手術(shù)，每次都連續(xù)幾個(gè)禮拜讓我遠(yuǎn)離城市、臥床休息，動(dòng)彈不得還與世隔絕。

Convinced I needed a “person,” I became irrational. I lost sight of my people. Yet they had not lost sight of me. Friendship, I learned, is an investment and a privilege but friendship can’t be quantified.

我確信我需要個(gè)“人”，我變得不可理喻，忽視了我的朋友們。然而， 他們并沒有忽視我。我慢慢懂得，友誼是經(jīng)營、是特權(quán)，但不能量化。

Like all relationships, friendships are about mutual exchange: Sharing parts of yourself, be it humor, memories, adventures, love or support, and receiving parts of others.

和所有關(guān)系一樣，友誼也是一種利益交換：分享你自己，無論幽默還是回憶、冒險(xiǎn)歷程還是愛與支持，然后對(duì)方會(huì)向你分享他自己。

What shined through after my surgery wasn’t just love but the power of many individual bonds. One best friend was not by my side, but with each check-in came reminders of the parts of my heart that others carry, and the unique parts of them that I cherish.

手術(shù)后，那些讓我覺得美好的東西不僅僅是愛，還有羈絆的力量。有一位我最好的朋友并不在我身邊，不過朋友們每次來看望的時(shí)候都讓我意識(shí)到他們心里有我，也讓我意識(shí)到我的心中有他們。