如何變得魅力四射？

Want to be charismatic? You can learn how, according to Richard Reid. While he does not claim he is able to transform a wet lettuce into Barack Obama, the psychologist and coach does believe he can ramp up charisma in everyone. 想讓自己變得有魅力嗎?理查德•里德(Richard Reid)說(shuō)，這可以學(xué)。雖然沒(méi)有宣稱他能把菜鳥(niǎo)變成巴拉克•奧巴馬(Barack Obama)，但這位心理學(xué)家兼培訓(xùn)師確信他有能力提升每個(gè)人的魅力。

He is one of a new breed of executive coaches promising to step up your personal wow factor, holding workshops for business clients including EY and Sophos and one-to-one sessions with executives. 里德屬于新一代高管培訓(xùn)師，這些人承諾能夠幫助人們提升自身的閃光點(diǎn)，為安永(EY)和Sophos之類的企業(yè)客戶舉辦研討班，并針對(duì)高管們開(kāi)設(shè)一對(duì)一課程。

But what is charisma? You know it when you see it. It can take your breath away, spur you to action, and make you fall in love. Max Weber, a German sociologist, described it as “a certain quality of an individual personality by virtue of which he is set apart from ordinary men and treated as endowed with supernatural, superhuman, or at least specifically exceptional powers or qualities”. 但什么是魅力?當(dāng)你親眼目睹時(shí)就會(huì)明白。它能令你忘記呼吸、促使你采取行動(dòng)或者墜入愛(ài)河。德國(guó)社會(huì)學(xué)家馬克斯•韋伯(Max Weber)將魅力描述為“個(gè)體人格中的一種特定品質(zhì)，使人顯得卓爾不群，并被認(rèn)為具有不同于常人的、超凡脫俗的或至少十分獨(dú)特的力量或素養(yǎng)”。

Said Weber: “These are . . . not accessible to the ordinary person, but are regarded as of divine origin or as exemplary, and on the basis of them the individual concerned is treated as a leader.” Of course, charismatic leaders may be dangerous, like the late cult commander Charles Manson or demagogues, such as Hitler. 韋伯說(shuō)：“普通人無(wú)法養(yǎng)成這些品質(zhì)，它們是天賜的或具有典范意義的，這些品質(zhì)是一個(gè)人成為領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者的基礎(chǔ)。”誠(chéng)然，魅力型的領(lǐng)袖也可能是危險(xiǎn)的，如已故的邪教團(tuán)體頭目查爾斯•曼森(Charles Manson)，或像希特勒這種蠱惑人心的政客。

When I visit Mr Reid at his office in a grand Georgian townhouse in Mayfair, he is wearing a sensible blue jumper and casual-smart trousers and appears confident and engaging, rather than superhuman. Is he charismatic? “I can connect with people,” he says. “Confident in my own skin, I don’t need to put people down [and can] manage my emotions.” 里德的辦公室位于梅菲爾區(qū)(Mayfair)，在一幢富麗堂皇的喬治亞風(fēng)格的聯(lián)排別墅里。我去拜訪他時(shí)，他穿著一件舒適的藍(lán)色套衫和一條休閑又時(shí)尚的褲子，看起來(lái)自信而迷人，但并不超凡脫俗。他有魅力嗎?“我能和人們打成一片，”他說(shuō)。“我很自信，我不需要去貶低別人，而且我能管理好自己的情緒。”

Today there will be no lessons in demagoguery. In fact, he has never encountered a proto-Hitler in his workshops. “They tend to think they know everything . . . [they’re] cynical, narcissistic.” His brand of charisma is the good type, he insists, rather than vainglorious manipulation. 如今不會(huì)有課程教人們?cè)趺慈ド縿?dòng)別人。事實(shí)上，里德從沒(méi)在自己的研討班上遇到過(guò)有希特勒傾向的人。“那種人覺(jué)得自己無(wú)所不知…… (他們)憤世嫉俗、自戀。”里德堅(jiān)信自己標(biāo)榜的是一種積極的魅力，而不是自命不凡地操縱他人。

Charisma by Mr Reid’s definition is far more humdrum than Weber’s, reflecting a division between organisational psychologists on the one hand, and sociologists. 比起韋伯對(duì)魅力的定義，里德所說(shuō)的魅力要平凡得多，這體現(xiàn)了組織心理學(xué)家與社會(huì)學(xué)家之間的區(qū)別。

The latter include media researcher, John Potts, author of A History of Charisma 社會(huì)學(xué)家中還有一位媒體研究者約翰•鮑茨(John Potts)，鮑茨著有《魅力之史》(A History of Charisma)，他認(rèn)為魅力無(wú)法后天習(xí)得，它是一種“特殊的、與生俱來(lái)的品質(zhì)，這種品質(zhì)令某些人與眾不同并富有吸引力”。鮑茨稱魅力是種罕見(jiàn)的品質(zhì)，只有很少一些領(lǐng)袖人物才具備。

, who believes it cannot be taught because it is a “special, innate quality that sets certain individuals apart and draws others to them”. Professor Potts says it is a rare quality found only in a very few leaders. 他認(rèn)為魅力適用于事物，如書(shū)籍、電影、建筑，甚至是一個(gè)三明治。“特別是在廣告中，魅力被用作‘獨(dú)特’的同義詞。”鮑茨極度懷疑那些號(hào)稱能提升個(gè)人魅力的勵(lì)志書(shū)籍和顧問(wèn)們，認(rèn)為那些“多半不靠譜”。

He has found charisma applied to things like books, films, buildings, even a sandwich. “It is used particularly in advertising as a synonym for ‘special’.” Prof Potts is profoundly sceptical of the self-help books and consultants promising ways to increase your charisma, deeming them to be “likely illusory”. 其他人，如洛桑大學(xué)(University of Lausanne)組織行為學(xué)教授約翰•安東納基斯(John Antonakis)則認(rèn)為，魅力可以后天習(xí)得。安東納基斯曾與人聯(lián)合為《哈佛商業(yè)評(píng)論》(Harvard Business Review)撰寫(xiě)過(guò)一篇文章，文中稱：“魅力不全是與生俱來(lái)的;它是一種可以習(xí)得的技能，或者更確切地說(shuō)，是一套久經(jīng)實(shí)踐的技能。”人人都能學(xué)習(xí)“有魅力的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)技巧”，從而變得更具影響力。

Others, like John Antonakis, professor of organisational behaviour at the University of Lausanne, are of the view that it can be learnt. An article for Harvard Business Review 里德利用了這種日常的魅力，這種魅力表現(xiàn)出一個(gè)人的情商、自信與端莊的舉止，并使人感到溫暖親切。銷售人員需要它。若想贏得員工們的支持，企業(yè)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者也需要它。

, co-authored by Professor Antonakis, states that: “Charisma is not all innate; it’s a learnable skill or, rather, a set of skills that have been practised since antiquity.” Anyone can learn “charismatic leadership tactics”, to become more influential. 事實(shí)上，人人都能憑借魅力脫穎而出，里德說(shuō)。在一個(gè)自動(dòng)化的未來(lái)，我們都必須發(fā)揮自己身為人的優(yōu)勢(shì)。

Mr Reid draws on this everyday charisma that reflects emotional intelligence, projects confidence and gravitas and exudes warmth. Sales staff need it. So do business leaders if they want their employees to get behind them. 人們?cè)谠庥鰤毫蛭C(jī)時(shí)求助于他——也許有一個(gè)即將到來(lái)的演講、錯(cuò)失一次晉升的機(jī)會(huì)、或僅僅是感到在工作中不被重視。他甚至給一個(gè)失戀的男人提過(guò)建議，這名男子約會(huì)不順利——難點(diǎn)在于，他所傳授的是需要被熟記于心的單口相聲般的表演才能。

In fact, everyone could do with charisma to stand out, argues Mr Reid. And in an automated future we will all have to play to our human strengths. 我體驗(yàn)了一節(jié)閃電式的魅力課程。作為一名新聞?dòng)浾?，我善于建立良好的人際關(guān)系，這對(duì)采訪很有幫助。然而，當(dāng)眾發(fā)言卻總令我緊張，每次都草草收?qǐng)?。喜劇演員杰瑞•宋飛(Jerry Seinfeld)的觀察是對(duì)的，大部分“人都最怕當(dāng)眾發(fā)言。其次才怕死……就是說(shuō)，對(duì)普通人而言，在葬禮上呆在棺材里都比致悼詞好。”我還有種英國(guó)人的性情，就是沒(méi)法嚴(yán)肅起來(lái)，這不免會(huì)顯得不夠鄭重。

People seek him out at times of stress or crisis — perhaps an impending speech, missing out on a promotion, or just a feeling they are not taken seriously at work. He has even counselled a lovelorn man whose dates were going awry — the fact that he was delivering memorised stand-up routines turned out to be the problem. 里德首先讓我做一個(gè)60秒的即興自我推銷。我大腦一片空白，只記得自己的名字和工作，我于是感到非常絕望。

I try a whirlwind lesson in charisma. I am good at building rapport — as a journalist, it is a helpful skill for interviewing people. Public speaking, however, makes me nervous and I rush to get to the end. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s observation rings true: most “people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death . . . This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” I also have a British tendency to not take myself seriously, which undermines the gravitas. “我是個(gè)媽媽，是個(gè)繼母。”(等著看我的回憶錄吧。)令人驚訝的是，里德認(rèn)為無(wú)趣的不是我的生活，而是我這個(gè)人。我不該把兩只手緊緊攥著，而是要用它們讓自己的言談更有活力、觀點(diǎn)更堅(jiān)實(shí)可靠。他演示了一下，攤開(kāi)一只手掌，做了一個(gè)切砍的動(dòng)作。“這顯得果決，”他說(shuō)。

Mr Reid’s first exercise is asking me to deliver an unrehearsed 60-second sales pitch about myself. Brain freeze sets in. I just about remember my name and my job, then I get desperate. 他指出，我說(shuō)話時(shí)一到句尾語(yǔ)調(diào)就上升，就像在征求別人的肯定，或者變成了澳大利亞人。我試著把這些綜合起來(lái)，又練習(xí)了一遍，同時(shí)想著這么多要點(diǎn)，讓我聽(tīng)起來(lái)就像個(gè)機(jī)器人。里德的建議就是練習(xí)、練習(xí)再練習(xí)。

“I’m a mum, I’m a stepmum.” (Just wait for my memoirs.) His criticism is not, amazingly, how dull my life is but that I am inanimate. Instead of clasping my hands, I should use them to energise my delivery and reinforce my points. He demonstrates, opening his hand and dropping it in a chopping motion. “It’s about being purposeful,” he says. 我接著又試了一個(gè)自信練習(xí)。我閉上雙眼，把注意力集中到自己的呼吸上，以此來(lái)排除一些消極的念頭，并在腦海中想象一個(gè)能讓自己思緒平靜、專注的場(chǎng)景。里德建議我回想一次輕松的度假。我照做了。我回憶起我們上次沒(méi)帶孩子去度假的事——這馬上讓我覺(jué)得自己是個(gè)差勁的母親。“我們時(shí)常讓情緒凌駕于自己的行為表現(xiàn)之上，使自己與他人的交流受阻，”里德說(shuō)。

He points out that my sentences have begun to go up at the end as if I am seeking reassurance, or have become Australian. I rehearse putting them together and with so many things to think about I sound like a robot. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse, is the advice. 里德建議我回想自己寫(xiě)過(guò)的一篇引以為傲的文章，這讓我們都好受了不少。“這是讓你認(rèn)清自己的長(zhǎng)處，”他說(shuō)。

Next I try a confidence exercise. I close my eyes and focus on my breath, to shut down the negative thoughts and focus on a scene that will calm my swirling brain and inject enthusiasm. Mr Reid suggests thinking of a relaxing holiday. So I do. I remember our last child-free holiday — which immediately makes me think I am a terrible mother. “Often we allow our emotions to override our performance and impede our interactions with others,” he says. 里德說(shuō)，魅力是一個(gè)用來(lái)吸引高管的籠統(tǒng)術(shù)語(yǔ)，這些高管熱衷于改進(jìn)溝通技巧，并迫切希望了解是什么阻礙了他們的發(fā)展。“我能和那些對(duì)心理學(xué)沒(méi)興趣的人交談，他們都知道誰(shuí)有魅力，誰(shuí)沒(méi)有，”他說(shuō)。“心理學(xué)和每個(gè)人都息息相關(guān)，但很多人對(duì)心理學(xué)有誤解，并保持警惕。”

We are on safer ground when he suggests I think of an article I am proud to have written. “It’s about polishing the edges of who you are,” he says. 見(jiàn)過(guò)里德后，我學(xué)會(huì)了更好地展現(xiàn)自己，但好像還是學(xué)不會(huì)發(fā)號(hào)施令。

Charisma, says Mr Reid, is a catch-all term to attract executives keen to improve communication skills and to understand what inhibits their progress. “I can talk to people with no interest in psychology and they will all have ideas on who’s got it and who hasn’t,” he says. “Psychology is relevant to everybody but lots of people have misconceptions about it and are wary.”