Ramona?s Touch 天使的愛撫
Ramona?s Touch 天使的愛撫
◎ Betty Aboussie Ellis
It was only a few weeks after my surgery, and I went to Dr. Belt’s office for a checkup. It was just after my first chemotherapy treatment.
手術(shù)后的幾個(gè)禮拜，我去貝爾特醫(yī)生的診所去復(fù)查。這件事就發(fā)生在我第一次化療之后。
My scar was still very tender. My arm was numb underneath. This whole set of unique and weird sensations was like having a new roommate to share the two-bedroom apartment formerly known as my breasts——now lovingly known as “the breast and the chest”.
我的傷口剛剛恢復(fù)。胳膊還有些麻木。這種奇特怪異的感覺就像是和一個(gè)新室友分享一套兩居室一樣，以前的房客是兩個(gè)乳房，而現(xiàn)在則是“乳房和胸膛”。
As usual, I was taken to an examination room to have my blood drawn, again——a terrifying process for me, since I’m so frightened of needles.
和通常一樣，我被帶到化驗(yàn)室抽血，因?yàn)槲液芘麓蜥槪赃@對(duì)我而言又是一次恐怖的經(jīng)歷。
I lay down on the examining table. I’d worn a big plaid flannel shirt and a camisole underneath. It was a carefully thought out costume that I hoped others would regard as a casual wardrobe choice. The plaid camouflaged my new chest, the camisole protected it and the buttons on the shirt made for easy medical access.
我躺在檢驗(yàn)臺(tái)上。身上穿著寬大的毛呢法蘭絨襯衣和一件貼心小背心。這身穿著是我精挑細(xì)選的，但我希望別人把它看成是隨意的著裝。寬大的毛呢能掩蓋我未痊愈的殘缺胸部，而小背心內(nèi)衣又起到保護(hù)作用，這種帶紐扣的襯衣也能方便檢查傷口。
Ramona entered the room. Her warm sparkling smile was familiar, and stood out in contrast to my fears. I’d first seen her in the office a few weeks earlier. She wasn’t my nurse on that day, but I remember her because she was laughing. She laughed in deep, round and rich tones. I remember wondering what could be so funny behind that medical door. What could she possibly find to laugh about at a time like this? So I decided she wasn’t serious enough about the whole thing and that I would try to find a nurse who was. But I was wrong.
蕾夢娜走進(jìn)房間。她那溫暖燦爛的熟悉的笑容，與我的恐懼形成了鮮明對(duì)比。幾周之前我在辦公室里第一次見到她，那天她并不是負(fù)責(zé)護(hù)理我的護(hù)士，我之所以記得她是因?yàn)樗强鋸埖拇笮ΑＤ欠N笑聲低沉而渾厚、連續(xù)而熱烈。我記得自己當(dāng)時(shí)還在想，這扇醫(yī)療辦公室的門后是什么東西如此有趣。像這種時(shí)候，她能找到什么東西讓她笑成這樣？所以我認(rèn)為她對(duì)所有的事兒都不夠嚴(yán)肅，于是我就想看看她是誰。但是，我錯(cuò)了。
This day was different. Ramona had taken my blood before. She knew about my fear of needles, and she kindly hid the paraphernalia under a magazine with a bright blue picture of a kitchen being remodeled. As we opened the blouse and dropped the camisole, the catheter on my breast was exposed and the fresh scar on my chest could be seen.
今天不一樣。蕾夢娜以前給我抽過血。她知道我怕針，所以她很好心地把抽血用具藏在一本雜志下面，雜志的封面上有一幅亮藍(lán)色的新裝修的廚房照片。當(dāng)我解開襯衣，拉下背心時(shí)，我乳房上的導(dǎo)管露了出來，胸部上的疤痕也清晰可見。
She said, “How is your scar healing?”
她問我：“傷口愈合得怎么樣了？”
I said, “I think pretty well. I wash around it gently each day.” The memory of the shower water hitting my numb chest flashed across my face.
我回答：“我覺得很好。每天我都輕輕地清洗傷口周圍?！边@時(shí)，洗澡水沖洗我麻木胸部的畫面閃過我的眼前。
She gently reached over and ran her hand across the scar, examining the smoothness of the healing skin and looking for any irregularities. I began to cry gently and quietly. She brought her warm eyes to mine and said, “You haven’t touched it yet, have you?” And I said, “No.”
她輕柔地伸出手，撫過我的傷疤，檢查皮膚的愈合程度，同時(shí)看看有無異常。我開始輕輕小聲地哭泣。她用關(guān)心的眼神看著我說：“你并沒有碰過它,對(duì)嗎？”我答，“嗯。”
So this wonderful, warm woman laid the palm of her golden brown hand on my pale chest and she gently held it there. For a long time, I continued to cry quietly. In soft tones she said, “This is part of your body. This is you. It’s okay to touch it.” But I couldn’t. So she touched it for me. The scar. The healing wound. And beneath it, she touched my heart.
于是這位善良熱情的女人將自己金棕色的手掌放在我蒼白的胸脯上，輕輕地握住那里。我小聲地哭了很久，一直沒有停止啜泣。她溫柔地說：“這是你身體的一部分。這就是你自己。摸一摸它，不會(huì)有事的。”但我還是不敢。于是她就那樣替我撫摸著它。那個(gè)傷疤，那個(gè)正在愈合的傷口。而在那下面，她撫摸到的是我的心。
Then Ramona said, “I’ll hold your hand while you touch it.” So she placed her hand next to mine, and we both were quiet. That was the gift that Ramona gave me.
然后蕾夢娜說：“我會(huì)一直握著你的手，去撫摸到它?！庇谑撬咽址旁谖业氖诌叄覀儍蓚€(gè)都安靜下來。這就是蕾夢娜送給我的禮物。
That night as I lay down to sleep, I gently placed my hand on my chest, and I left it there until I dozed off. I knew I wasn’t alone. We were all in bed together, metaphorically speaking, my breast, my chest, Ramona’s gift and me.
那晚我躺下睡覺時(shí)，我小心地把手放在胸部上，直到我打起盹來。我知道我并不孤單。我們都躺在床上——我的乳房，胸部，蕾夢娜的禮物，還有我。
