Of Dogs and Men　人狗之間

Of Dogs and Men　人狗之間

◎ Charles Krauthammer

Chester was my window on the mysterious bond between canines and humans.

切斯特是我觀察狗狗與人類關系紐帶的窗戶。

The way I see it dogs had this big meeting. Oh maybe 20 000 years ago. A huge meeting—an international convention with delegates from everywhere. And that’s when they decided that humans were the up and coming species and dogs were going to throw their lot in with them. The decision was obviously not unanimous. The wolves and dingoes walked out in protest.

我想，大概是2萬年前狗狗們組織開了這個大會。這次會議十分盛大，聚集了來自各地的代表。在會議中它們確定了會議宗旨：人是上進的物種，所以狗要與人類共存亡。顯而易見，對這個決定意見未能達成一致。為表示抗議，狼和野狗憤然離會。

Cats had an even more negative reaction. When they heard the news they called their own meeting—in Paris of course—to denounce canine subservience to the human hyper power. Their manifesto—La Condition F¨éline—can still be found in provincial bookstores.

貓的反應更消極。當聽到這個消息后，立刻在巴黎召開了本族會議，痛斥狗屈服于人類強權的懦弱行徑。（它們發(fā)表的聲明《貓的狀況》至今仍然可以在省會書店里找到。）

Cats, it must be said, have not done badly. Using guile and seduction they managed to get humans to feed them thus preserving their superciliousness without going hungry. A neat trick. Dogs being guileless signed and delivered. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

我們可以看到，貓這個動作很漂亮。它們成功地引誘和欺騙人類繼續(xù)喂養(yǎng)它們，如此一來，既不挨餓又保持了它們的傲慢。真是漂亮的一仗。而這些厚道的狗狗簽署并發(fā)表了聲明。從此建立了人與狗的一段美好友誼。

I must admit that I’ve been slow to warm to dogs. I grew up in a non-pet friendly home. Dogs do not figure prominently in Jewish immigrant households. My father was not very high on pets. He wasn’t hostile. He just saw them as superfluous an encumbrance. When the Cossacks are chasing you around Europe you need to travel light. This by the way is why Europe produced far more Jewish violinists than pianists. Try packing a piano.

我承認我對狗比較慢熱。我生長在一個對寵物有免疫的家庭里。狗在猶太移民的家庭里并不受重視。父親不太喜歡寵物，當然他也不厭惡，但卻認為寵物是多余的累贅。在哥薩克人追著你滿歐洲跑的時候，要記住必須輕裝上路。（順便提一句，這也是為什么在歐洲猶太人中小提琴家多于鋼琴家，不信你就打包一架鋼琴試試。）

My parents did allow a hint of zoological indulgence. I had a pet turtle. My brother had a parakeet. Both came to unfortunate ends. My turtle fell behind a radiator and was not discovered until too late. And the parakeet God bless him flew out a window once never to be seen again. After such displays of stewardship we dared not ask for a dog.

我父母曾讓我們養(yǎng)過寵物。我的是一只龜，弟弟的是一只長尾鸚鵡。但都以不幸的結(jié)局而告終。我的龜?shù)舻揭粋€散熱器的后面，待發(fā)現(xiàn)卻為時已晚。而弟弟的鸚鵡，在一次飛出窗外后就再也沒回來。經(jīng)過了這么段糟糕的寵物管理經(jīng)歷，我們就不敢提養(yǎng)狗的事兒了。

My introduction to the wonder of dogs came from my wife Robyn. She’s Australian. And Australia as lovingly recounted in Bill Bryson’s In a Sunburned Country has the craziest wildest deadliest meanest animals on the planet. In a place where every spider and squid can take you down faster than a sucker punched boxer you cherish niceness in the animal kingdom. And they don’t come nicer than dogs.

我的妻子羅賓讓我了解到狗狗獨特的一面。她是澳大利亞人。正如比爾·布賴森在《太陽燒焦的鄉(xiāng)村》中熱情洋溢的頌歌所描述的，澳大利亞擁有這個星球上最狂野、最兇悍、最丑陋的動物。在這里，一只蜘蛛，一條烏賊的兇悍度可以超過一個老道的拳擊手，能又快又狠地擊中你，在這里，你找不到友好二字。而它們并不比狗強到哪里去。

Robyn started us off slowly. She got us a Border collie Hugo when our son was about 6. She knew that would appeal to me because the Border collie is the smartest species on the planet. Hugo could play outfield in our backyard baseball games do flawless front door sentry duty and play psychic weathermen announcing with a wail every coming thunderstorm.

羅賓讓我們學著慢慢接觸狗狗。在我們的兒子6歲的時候，她買了一條博德牧羊犬，我們后來給它起名為雨果。她知道我一定會喜歡他，因為博德牧羊犬是這個星球上最有靈氣的狗類。首先，雨果能在我們打棒球時在院子外幫忙打外場，其次，它是無可挑剔的稱職門衛(wèi)，最后，是雷雨天氣來臨的天氣預報員——每當這種天氣它都會搖動尾巴。

When our son Daniel turned he wanted a dog of his own. I was against it using arguments borrowed from seminars on nuclear nonproliferation. It was hopeless. One giant “Please Dad” and I caved completely. Robyn went out to Winchester Virginia found a litter of black Labs and brought home Chester.

當兒子丹尼爾10歲的時候，他就要求養(yǎng)自己的狗。我表示反對，并借用了在防核擴散研討會上的論點。但仍然，我失敗了。一句“求求你了，爸爸。”讓我馬上敗下陣來。羅賓最終去了弗吉尼亞的溫切斯特，帶回了一只黑色的拉布拉多小狗。就這樣，切斯特成了我們家一員。

Chester is what psychiatrists mean when they talk about unconditional love. Unbridled is more like it. Come into our house and he was so happy to see you he would knock you over. Deliverymen learned to leave things at the front door.

切斯特讓我真正明白了精神病學家口中常說的無條件的愛。更確切地說，應該是毫無顧忌。見著人走進家門，它就會馬上過去把你推倒以表示歡迎。以至于來送貨的人最后都把東西放在我們家的門口了。

In some respects—Ph.D. potential for example—I don’t make any great claims for Chester. When I would arrive home I fully expected to find Hugo reading the newspaper. Not Chester. Chester would try to make his way through a narrow sliding door find himself stuck halfway and then look at me with total and quite genuine puzzlement. I don’t think he ever got to understand that the rear part of him was actually attached to the front.

我對切斯特在某些方面并不抱什么太大的奢望，譬如培養(yǎng)它拿博士狗狗學位的潛力。每當我回家，我真的很希望它在看報紙。但不會，它通常會嘗試著擠進一個很窄的拉門，然后半身被卡在里面，然后它還會出奇平靜地看著我，盡管滿臉疑惑。我想它從未意識到它的身體和腦子是一個整體的事實。

But it was Chester who dispensed affection as unreflectively as he breathed who got me thinking about this long ago pact between humans and dogs. Cat lovers and the pet averse will just roll their eyes at such dogophilia. I can’t help it. Chester was always at your foot or your hand waiting to be petted and stroked played with and talked to. His beautiful blocky head his wonderful overgrown puppy’s body his baritone bark filled every corner of house and heart.

切斯特對人毫不猶豫地施愛，就像呼吸一樣，一切是那么自然。這讓我不禁想起了人類與狗很久以前就訂立的契約。愛貓者和反寵物主義者對這種親狗癥非常不屑一顧。但我卻早已不能自制。因為切斯特總是蜷縮在你腳下，或者挨著你的手，等待你給予撫慰或與它說話。它那漂亮毛發(fā)斑駁的腦袋，那可愛的身段，以及它那男中音式的犬吠充斥整個房屋，溫暖著我們的心窩。

Then last month at the tender age of he died quite suddenly. The long slobbering slothful decline we had been looking forward to was not to be. When told the news a young friend who was a regular victim of Chester’s lunging lovebombs said mournfully “He was the sweetest creature I ever saw. He’s the only dog I ever saw kiss a cat.”

就在上個月，它去世了，只有8歲。完全不是我們曾經(jīng)預想的那樣，流著口水殘喘著死去。當我把這個消息告訴切斯特一個非常好的朋友時，他十分悲傷，并滿心懷念地說：“它是我見過的最可愛的動物，也是唯一一只吻過貓的狗。”

超多雙語閱讀，盡在聽力課堂