允許孩子們感到無聊

允許孩子們感到無聊

When I was a kid, there was one phrase I wasn't allowed to utter: "I'm bored." It was forbidden because, as my parents explained, it meant that I wasn't doing anything about something that was clearly my own problem.

當(dāng)我還是個孩子的時候，有一句話不允許我說:“我很無聊。”我父母解釋說，這是因為，這意味著我沒有做任何事，明顯是我自己的問題。

Now, as a parent myself, I marvel at the lack of responsibility that my parents took for my entertainment. They weren't hands-off in other ways, taking a very active approach to my schooling and music practice, but when it came to unscheduled time – and there was plenty of it in our rural, TV-free home – they were completely indifferent as to what I did.

現(xiàn)在，我自己也當(dāng)了父母，我為父母對我的娛樂缺乏責(zé)任感而感到驚訝。在其他方面，他們并沒有放手不管，對我的學(xué)習(xí)和音樂練習(xí)采取一種非常積極的方式，但是當(dāng)涉及到不定時的時間時——在我們鄉(xiāng)下沒有電視的家里有很多時間——他們對我所做的事情完全漠不關(guān)心。

CC BY 2.0. bsrdn

Thinking back on it, there was plenty that I did. I explored the forest around our home, building forts and blazing trails with a hatchet. I dug out snowbanks and built extravagant networks of tunnels. I played house in a variety of blanket forts, napped in the hammock, and fought with my sister over Monopoly.

回想起來，我做了很多事。我在我們家周圍的森林里探險，建造堡壘，用斧頭砍斷小徑。我挖了雪堤，建造了龐大的隧道網(wǎng)絡(luò)。我在各種各樣的毯子碉堡上玩過家家，在吊床上打盹，還和妹妹為“大富翁”而打架。

There were many hours of nothing, too. I'd lie on my bed, reading books voraciously and writing in my journal. In a way, that was the start of my writing career. I filled dozens of notebooks with detailed observations about the world and all the passions, dreams, and indignities of a young life.

也有好幾個小時是無所事事的。我會躺在床上，貪婪地看書，寫日記。在某種程度上，那就是我寫作生涯的開始。我寫了幾十本筆記本，詳細(xì)記錄了我對這個世界的觀察，以及我年輕時的激情、夢想和屈辱。

While boredom seemed irritating at the time, I now look back on it as a blessing. This is exactly what New York Times editor Pamela Paul believes more parents should be striving to give their kids.

雖然無聊在當(dāng)時看起來很惱人，但現(xiàn)在我把它看作是一種祝福。這正是《紐約時報》編輯帕梅拉·保羅認(rèn)為更多的父母應(yīng)該努力教給孩子的。

In an excellent article called "Let Children Get Bored Again," Paul argues that boredom allows space for creativity: "When you’re held captive to a mundane activity... you let your mind wander and follow it where it goes."

在一篇名為《讓孩子再無聊一次》的優(yōu)秀文章中，保羅認(rèn)為無聊為創(chuàng)造力提供了空間:“當(dāng)你被禁錮在一項世俗的活動中……你讓你的思想四處游蕩，跟著它走。”

Boredom also fosters self-sufficiency, forcing a kid to learn how to cope without relying on a parent or handheld device. Paul writes,

無聊還會培養(yǎng)自立能力，迫使孩子學(xué)會如何在不依賴父母或手持設(shè)備的情況下處理問題。保羅寫道,

"It’s not really the boredom itself that’s important; it’s what we do with it. When you reach your breaking point, boredom teaches you to respond constructively, to make something happen for yourself. But unless we are faced with a steady diet of stultifying boredom, we never learn how."

“無聊本身并不重要;這是我們用它來做的。當(dāng)你達到極限時，無聊會教你如何做出建設(shè)性的回應(yīng)，讓事情發(fā)生在你自己身上。但是，除非我們不斷地面對無聊乏味的生活，否則我們永遠(yuǎn)不會學(xué)會如何去做。”

And that is one of the most valuable things a kid can learn before reaching adulthood, because – let's face it – the real world is full of boring tasks. There's no point in setting kids up for failure by making them think everything's a fun game, as schools are wont to do these days. In Paul's words,

這是一個孩子在成年之前可以學(xué)到的最有價值的東西之一，因為——讓我們面對現(xiàn)實吧——現(xiàn)實世界充滿了無聊的任務(wù)。讓孩子們認(rèn)為每件事都是有趣的游戲，這是沒有意義的，就像現(xiàn)在的學(xué)校習(xí)慣做的那樣。用保羅的話說,

"Surely teaching children to endure boredom rather than ratcheting up the entertainment will prepare them for a more realistic future, one that doesn’t raise false expectations of what work or life itself actually entails. One day, even in a job they otherwise love, our kids may have to spend an entire day answering Friday’s leftover email."

當(dāng)然，教育孩子們?nèi)ト淌軣o聊，而不是不斷增加娛樂活動，會讓他們?yōu)橐粋€更現(xiàn)實的未來做好準(zhǔn)備，一個不會對工作或生活本身的實際需要產(chǎn)生錯誤期望的未來。有一天，即使是他們本來喜歡的工作，我們的孩子也可能不得不花一整天的時間回復(fù)周五剩下的電子郵件。”

In order to do this, however, parents need to back off. They need to become more comfortable with letting kids discover their own fun – and that process happens faster if kids are not directly supervised. Parents need to toughen up, answer "Go outside" when asked what to do, or send kids to clean their rooms if they mention the "bored" word. They have to understand that keeping kids entertained is not their job.

然而，為了做到這一點，父母需要退讓。他們需要更舒適地讓孩子發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的樂趣——如果孩子沒有被直接監(jiān)督，這個過程會更快。父母需要堅強起來，當(dāng)被問到該做什么的時候回答“出去”，或者如果他們提到了“無聊”這個詞，就讓孩子去打掃他們的房間。他們必須明白，讓孩子開心不是他們的工作。

It's all for the greater good – raising resilient, creative, self-sufficient children who are prepared for the world when the time comes for them to leave the nest. So, let them be bored. You will be amazed at what they come up with – and you may gain some free time for yourself in the process.

這一切都是為了更大的利益——撫養(yǎng)有適應(yīng)力、有創(chuàng)造力、自給自足的孩子，讓他們在離開家的時候為這個世界做好準(zhǔn)備。所以，讓他們感到無聊吧。你會驚訝于他們給出的答案——在這個過程中你可能會為自己贏得一些自由時間。