·Shawn·
It scares us more than anything except death being alone.
Our fear of aloneness is so ingrained that given the choice of being by ourselves or being with others we opt for safety in numbers, even at the expense of lingering in painful, boring, or totally unredeeming company.
And yet more of us than ever are alone.
While many Americans have their soIo lifestyles thrust on them-people die, people go away-a huge and growing population is choosing to be alone.
In 1955,one in ten U. S.households consisted of one person.By 1999,the proportion was one in three.Single men and women accounted for 38.9 million of the nation's 110.5 million households.By 1999,single parents with children under the age of eighteen made up 27.3 percent of the nation's 70.9 million family households.Meanwhile, many more Americans are divorcing.In less than three decades, the number of divorced men and women has more than quadrupled-to a total of 18.3 million in 1996,compared to 4.3 miIlion in 1970.Never before in American history has living alone been the predominant lifestyle.
Nonetheless, we persist in the conviction that a solitary existence is the harshest penalty life can mete out. We loathe being alone-anytime, anywhere, for whatever reason.From childhood we're conditioned to accept that when alone we instinctiveIy ache for company, that loners are outsiders yearning to get in rather than people who are content with their own company.
Alone, we squander life by rejecting its full potential and wasting its remaining promises. Alone, we accept that experiences unshared are barely worthwhile, that sunsets viewed singly are not as spectacular, that time spent apart is fallow and pointless.
And so we grow old believing we are nothing by ourselves, steadfastly shunning the opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth that solitude could bring us.
We have even coined a word for those who prefer to be by themselves:antisocial, as if they were enemies of society. They are viewed as friendless, suspect in a world that goes around in twos or more and is wary of solitary travelers.
People who need people are threatened by people who don't. The idea of seeking contentment alone is heretical, for society steadfastly decrees that our completeness lies in others.Instead, we cling to each other for solace, comfort, and safety.
IronicaIIy, most of us crave more intimacy and companionship than we can bear. We begrudge ourselves, our spouses, and our partners sufficient physical and emotional breathing room, and then bemoan the suffocation of our relationships.
To point out these facts is not to suggest we should abandon all our close ties. Medical surveys show that the majority of elderly people who live alone, yet maintain frequent contact with relatives and friends, rate their physical and emotional well-being as“excellent”.Just as an apple a day kept the doctor away when they were young, an active social calendar appears to serve the same purpose now.
But we need to befriend and enjoy ourselves as well.
We must relearn to be alone. Instead of planting our solitude with dream blossoms, we choke the space with continuous music and chatter to which we do not even listen.It is simply there to fill the vacuum.We can't stand the silence, because silence includes thinking.And if we thought, we would have to face ourselves.
Let us learn, then, from those in search of what they have not been able to find and hold:peace of mind, gentleness of heart, calmness of spirit, daily joy. Who have come to understand that to know and to love and to be of value to others, they first must know and love and value themselves;that to find their way in the world, they have to start by finding themselves.
肖恩
除了死亡,我們最害怕的就是孤獨。
我們?nèi)绱撕ε鹿陋?,以至于讓我們選擇是獨處還是跟別人一起時,我們會選擇后者以尋求安全感。甚至不惜付出如此多的代價:長久的痛苦、煩悶,或完全無益的陪伴。
然而,現(xiàn)在,我們卻感受到了從未感受過的強烈的孤獨。
當(dāng)許多美國人開始單身生活時——因為身邊的人去世或離開——一個日益增加的龐大人群開始選擇獨身。
1955年,美國家庭中有十分之一的單親家庭。到1999年,這個比例擴大到三分之一。在這個國家里,110,500,000個家庭中單親家庭占了38,900,000。到1999年,帶著一個十八歲以下小孩兒的單親家庭已經(jīng)占到了這個國家70,900,000個家庭的27.3%。同時,更多的美國人離婚了。不到三十年之間,離婚的人數(shù)增長為原來的四倍——到1996年,這一數(shù)字已經(jīng)達(dá)到18,300,000,而1970年只有4,300,000。獨居史無前例地成為美國主流的生活方式。
然而,我們堅持認(rèn)為,獨居是最殘酷的生活方式。我們討厭獨處——無論何時何地,出于何種原因。我們從孩提時候起就習(xí)慣認(rèn)同,獨處時的我們會本能地渴望有人陪伴,認(rèn)為孤獨者都是渴望加入群體生活,而非欣然獨處的。
獨處時,我們是在拒絕生命豐富多彩的可能,并耗費生命存留的希望,是在浪費生命。我們認(rèn)為,無人分享的經(jīng)歷毫無價值,一個人看到的日出并非那么壯觀,一個人度過的時光是多么了無生趣和毫無意義。
于是,當(dāng)我們年老時,就認(rèn)為自己無關(guān)緊要而倔強地逃避。殊不知,這正是我們發(fā)現(xiàn)自我和個人成長的機會。
對于那些寧愿獨居的人,我們甚至給他們扣上“反社會”的頭銜,好像他們是社會的公敵。他們被人們認(rèn)為是缺少朋友、懷疑這個世界的人。那些結(jié)伴同行者警惕地盯著這些孤獨的旅行者。
依賴于他人的人受到獨立的人的威脅,獨自尋求滿足的想法被視為異端。因為這個社會固執(zhí)地認(rèn)定我們只有置身于他人之中,才能完整。因為我們必須依附于他人來尋求慰藉、舒適和安全感。
可笑的是,我們大多數(shù)人所渴求的親昵關(guān)系,已經(jīng)超出了自己的承受能力。我們吝嗇于給自己、伴侶和伙伴足夠的空間,使其身心受到限制,然后,又對我們之間令人窒息的關(guān)系感到悲哀。
把這些事實指出來,并不是建議我們應(yīng)該拋棄所有的親密關(guān)系。醫(yī)學(xué)調(diào)查證明,大多數(shù)老人獨居,但與其親朋好友保持著密切的聯(lián)系,其身心健康的程度是“良好”。就像在他們年輕的時候,每天吃一個蘋果可以不用看醫(yī)生一樣,一個積極的社交活動能產(chǎn)生同樣的效果。
但是,我們需要在友好待人的同時,享受獨處的樂趣。
我們必須重新學(xué)會獨處,不要用永不停歇的音樂和漫不經(jīng)心的聊天來充斥所有的空閑時間,而要培植孤獨,讓夢之花綻放。我們不能忍受寂靜,僅僅只是想填滿那個空白,因為,寂靜包含了思考。如果我們思考,則必須面對自己。
讓我們向探索者學(xué)習(xí)吧!然后發(fā)現(xiàn)他們尚未發(fā)現(xiàn)和擁有的東西:平和的心境,溫和的性格,冷靜的靈魂和平淡的快樂。要懂得如何去理解和熱愛他人,對他人有價值,必須先了解自己,珍愛自己。要找到屬于自己的道路,就必須從了解自我開始。
核心單詞
soIo['s?ul?u]adj.單獨的
instinctiveIy[in'sti?ktivli]adv.(出于)本能地;憑直覺
coin[k?in]n.硬幣,錢幣v.鑄造(貨幣)
ironicaIIy[ai'r?nikli]adv.說反話地;諷刺地
intimacy['intim?si]n.熟悉;親密;親近
active['?ktiv]adj.活躍的;活潑的
vacuum['v?kju?m]n.真空;空白,空虛
實用句型
NonetheIess, we persist in the conviction that a soIitary existence is the harshest penaIty Iife can mete out.
然而,我們堅持認(rèn)為,獨居是最殘酷的生活方式。
①句中that 引導(dǎo)的定語從句用來修飾conviction。
②persist in堅持不懈,執(zhí)著,類似的表達(dá)還有persist with繼續(xù)努力,堅持不懈等固定搭配。
翻譯練習(xí)
1.水是由氫和氧組成的。(consists of)
2.善惡自有報,只爭遲與早。(mete out)
3.香港被認(rèn)為是以貿(mào)易和金融著稱的城市。(be viewed as)