“There is an enemy against me called ‘other people's child’ since I was a child. He never plays games, never goes shopping and all he knows is nothing but studying. He is good-looking, obedient and docile and his parents never need to worry about him……I’m always the worst kid in my mom’s eye and she even anxiously wants the ‘other people's child’ to replace me as her child……” This is a post on Internet called “Other People's Child”, presenting Internet users with same experiences that stimulate emotion. Most people said that they hate this intangible opponent, who forced them into constant comparisons.
Does this “comparative-style” family education really work for children? In fact, this kind of education can only causes three results: the first result is that it works; the second one is that it doesn’t work; the last one is that this can easily result in sense of inferiority and disobedience. As a matter of fact, while parents do compare their children with other children, it’s actually a result of parents’ keeping up with the Joneses. On the contrary, parents should let their children compare with themselves rather other children. Besides, it would be better for parents to make compliment and approval of merits of their children first, and then analyze merits of other children objectively and finally give advice about how to learn from others. By doing so, children will be much more easily to accept psychologically, which would avoid causing negative emotions such as sense of inferiority and disobedience.
“從小我就有個(gè)宿敵叫‘別人家的孩子’。這個(gè)孩子從來(lái)不玩游戲,不喜歡逛街,天天就知道學(xué)習(xí)。長(zhǎng)得好看,又聽(tīng)話(huà)又溫順,回回年級(jí)第一,不讓人操心……我在我媽嘴里是最差勁的,她恨不得生的是‘別人家的孩子’……”這是網(wǎng)絡(luò)上一篇名為《別人家的孩子》的帖子,引發(fā)了眾多網(wǎng)友的共鳴。多數(shù)網(wǎng)友表示恨透了這個(gè)虛幻的攀比對(duì)象。
這樣“比較式”的家庭教育,對(duì)孩子來(lái)說(shuō)有效果嗎?其實(shí),這種教育方式,只會(huì)產(chǎn)生三種可能,一種是有效果,一種是聽(tīng)了和沒(méi)聽(tīng)一樣,還有一種是容易使孩子更加自卑和叛逆。事實(shí)上,父母將自己的孩子與別人的孩子進(jìn)行比較時(shí),大部分都是父母的攀比心在作怪。父母應(yīng)該讓孩子更多的“和自己比”,而不是“和別人比”。此外,最好先對(duì)自己的孩子表現(xiàn)好的方面給予表?yè)P(yáng)和肯定,然后再客觀分析別的孩子表現(xiàn)比較好的方面,之后才在此基礎(chǔ)上建議孩子如何學(xué)習(xí)別人的長(zhǎng)處,這樣孩子的心理會(huì)更容易接受而不至于產(chǎn)生自卑或者叛逆等消極情緒。