◎ Kathy England
Early in the spring, about a month before my grandpa’s stroke, I began walking for an hour every afternoon. Some days I would walk four blocks south to see Grandma and Grandpa. At eighty-six, Grandpa was still quite a gardener, so I always watched for his earliest blooms and each new wave of spring flowers.
早春時節(jié),也就是爺爺中風(fēng)前的一個月,我開始每天下午散步一小時。有時,我會步行向南走過四條街去探望爺爺奶奶。爺爺86歲了,可還是一個杰出的花匠。所以,我常常觀察他種的最早盛開的花,還有春日里的一片片花海。
I was especially interested in flowers that year because I was planning to landscape my own yard and I was eager to get Grandpa’s advice. I thought I knew pretty much what I wanted—a yard full of bushes and plants that would bloom from May till November.
那年,我打算好好整理一下自己的小花園,所以對花特別感興趣,希望爺爺能給我一些建議。我以為自己清楚究竟想要什么——滿院子的花草樹木,一直從5月開到11月。
It was right after the first rush of purple violets in the lawns and the sudden blaze of forsythia that spring that Grandpa had a stroke. It left him without speech and with no movement on his left side. The whole family rallied to Grandpa. We all spent many hours by his side. Some days his eyes were eloquent—laughing at our reported mishaps, listening alertly, revealing painful awareness of his inability to care for himself. There were days, too, when he slept most of the time, overcome with the weight of his approaching death.
那年春天,就是在草叢中的第一株紫羅蘭和連翹出現(xiàn)后,爺爺?shù)昧酥酗L(fēng)。他沒法開口說話了,左半邊身體也無法動彈。家里所有人都來看望爺爺。我們都花了好幾個小時陪在他身邊。有幾天,他的眼睛炯炯有神的——笑著聽我們說不幸的事,聽的時候表情十分機(jī)警。他表示自己不能自理,心里感覺很痛苦。也有些時候,他一整天都處于昏昏欲睡的狀態(tài),體重也在增加,好像隨時都會有危險。
As the months passed, I watched the growing earth with Grandpa’s eyes. Each time I was with him, I gave him a garden report. He listened, gripping my hand with the sure strength and calm he had always had. But he could not answer my questions. The new flowers would blaze, peak, fade, and die before I knew their names.
時間過得很快,幾個月過去了,我就像爺爺那樣望著地里長出來的東西。每次我和他待在一起的時候,都要向他匯報花園里的情況。他一邊聽著,一邊用和往常一樣的力氣緊緊握著我的手。可他無法回答我的問題。因此,很多綻放、憔悴、凋謝和死亡的花,我甚至都不知道它們的名字。
Grandpa’s illness held him through the spring and on, week by week, through summer. I began spending hours at the local nursery, studying and choosing seeds and plants. It gave me special joy to buy plants I had seen in Grandpa’s garden and give them humble starts in my own garden. I discovered Sweet William, which I had admired for years in Grandpa’s garden without knowing its name. And I planted it in his honor.
爺爺?shù)募膊拇杭鹃_始就一直折磨著他,一直持續(xù)到夏季。我開始在當(dāng)?shù)氐幕ㄆ岳飵兔?,學(xué)習(xí)選種和種植。我買了一些曾在爺爺花園里見過的植物,并悉心把它們種在我自己的花園里,這對我來說就是一件樂事。我在爺爺?shù)幕▓@里發(fā)現(xiàn)了我十分喜歡的美洲石竹,在這之前我并不知道它的名字?,F(xiàn)在,我將它種在自己的花園里,以表示對爺爺?shù)木匆狻?
As I waited and watched in the garden and by Grandpa’s side, some quiet truths emerged. I realized that Grandpa loved flowers that were always bloom; he kept a full bed of roses in his garden. But I noticed that Grandpa left plenty of room for the brief highlights. Not every nook of his garden was constantly in bloom. There was always a treasured surprise tucked somewhere.
當(dāng)我守在爺爺身邊、望著花園的時候,真理不斷在我眼前涌現(xiàn)。我意識到爺爺喜歡盛開的花朵。在他的花園里,他種了整整一片玫瑰。可我也注意到,爺爺留了好多空地,只是為了讓光線照進(jìn)來。爺爺花園里并不是每一個角落都有盛開的鮮花。但驚喜總會一個接一個的從那兒冒出來。
I came to see, too, that Grandpa’s garden mirrored his life. He was a hard worker who understood the law of the harvest. But along with his hard work, Grandpa knew how to enjoy each season, each change. We often teased him about his life history. He had written two paragraphs summarizing fifty years of work, and a full nine pages about every trip and vacation he’d ever taken.
我也發(fā)現(xiàn),爺爺?shù)幕▓@就像一面鏡子,映照著他的一生。他一生勤勤懇懇,因?yàn)樗谩耙环莞?,一份收獲”的道理。可他除了懂得辛勤勞作,他也懂得享受四季的變遷。我們常常拿他的生活史開玩笑。他寫了兩段文章以總結(jié)他50年的工作,另外還有九頁紙寫著關(guān)于他的旅游經(jīng)歷。
In July, Grandpa worsened. One hot afternoon arrived when no one else was at his bedside. He was glad to have me there, and reached out his hand to pull me close.
7月的時候,爺爺?shù)牟∏閻夯?。一個炎熱的中午,沒有人陪在他身邊。只有我在,他很高興,于是伸出手把我抱得緊緊的。
I told Grandpa what I had learned—that few flowers last from April to November. Some of the most beautiful bloom for only a month at most. To really enjoy a garden, you have to plant corners and drifts and rows of flowers that will bloom and grace the garden, each in its own season.
我把所學(xué)到的東西告訴爺爺——很少有花能從4月開到11月。那些最美的花最長也只能開一個多月。想要真正欣賞花園里的美景,你必須在每個角落里種上鮮花。朵朵盛開的花把花園裝扮得更加美麗了,每朵花都有屬于自己的季節(jié)。
His eyes listened to every word. Then, another discovery: “If I want a garden like yours, Grandpa, I’m going to have to work.” His grin laughed at me, and his eyes teased me.
他的眼睛仿佛也在認(rèn)真聽著我說的每個字。然后,我又有了一個新發(fā)現(xiàn):“爺爺,如果我想讓我的花園變得跟你的花園一樣,我必須辛勤勞作?!彼珠_嘴對我笑著,連他的眼睛都在嘲笑我。
“Grandpa, in your life right now the chrysanthemums are in bloom. Chrysanthemums and roses.” Tears clouded both our eyes. Neither of us feared this last flower of fall, but the wait for spring seems longest in November. We knew how much we would miss each other.
“爺爺,菊花開了,菊花和玫瑰花都開了?!蔽覀兊难劭衾镟邼M淚水。我們不怕最后一朵花的凋零。可從11月就開始等待春天,好像有點(diǎn)漫長。我們會想念彼此的。
Sitting there, I suddenly felt that the best gift I could give Grandpa would be to give voice to the testimony inside both of us. He had never spoken of his testimony to me, but it was such a part of his life that I had never questioned if Grandpa knew. I knew he knew.
靜靜地坐在那,我突然想到自己能給爺爺?shù)淖詈枚Y物——說出我們之間的承諾。他從未跟我提過他的承諾,可我從來沒有懷疑過那就是他生活的一部分,這一點(diǎn)爺爺是知道的。他所知道的我都知道。
“Grandpa,” I began—and his grip tightened as if he knew what I was going to say—”I want you to know that I have a testimony. I know the Savior lives. I bear witness to you that Joseph Smith is a prophet. I love the Restoration and joy in it.” The steadiness in Grandpa’s eyes told how much he felt it too. “I bear witness that President Kimball is a prophet. I know the Book of Mormon is true, Grandpa. Every part of me bears this witness.”
“爺爺,”我開始說——可他的雙唇緊閉,仿佛知道我想說什么——“我想告訴你,我有一個承諾。我知道救世主是存在的。我向你保證,約瑟夫·史密斯是一位預(yù)言家。我喜歡王政復(fù)辟時代和那個時代的趣事。”爺爺堅(jiān)定的眼神告訴我,他也深有同感?!拔蚁蚰惚WC金博爾總統(tǒng)是一位預(yù)言家。爺爺,我知道《摩門經(jīng)》是真的。我用自己做擔(dān)保?!?
“Grandpa,” I added quietly, “I know our Father in Heaven loves you.” Unbidden, unexpected, the Spirit bore comforting, poignant testimony to me of our Father’s love for my humble, quiet Grandpa.
“爺爺,”我輕聲補(bǔ)充道,“我知道上帝是愛你的?!蔽覟橐簧t遜、平靜的爺爺許下這個承諾。對我而言,這是一個未經(jīng)允許、突如其來的承諾。它令人欣慰又讓人心碎。
A tangible sense of Heavenly Father’s compassionate awareness of Grandpa’s suffering surrounded us and held us. It was so personal and powerful that no words were left to me—only tears of gratitude and humility, tears of comfort.
上帝十分同情爺爺?shù)脑庥觥@個想法一直圍繞并支撐著我們。這個自我意識的力量強(qiáng)大得讓我無法用言語形容——我只能用感激之淚、謙恭之淚、寬慰之淚來表達(dá)。
Grandpa and I wept together.
我和爺爺相擁而泣。
It was the end of August when Grandpa died, the end of summer. As we were choosing flowers from the florist for Grandpa’s funeral, I slipped away to Grandpa’s garden and walked with my memories of columbine and Sweet William. Only the tall lavender and white phlox were in bloom now, and some baby’s breath in another corner.
8月底,夏末之際,爺爺去世了。當(dāng)大家在花農(nóng)那兒為爺爺?shù)脑岫Y挑選葬花時,我偷偷跑到爺爺?shù)幕▓@里。我一邊走一邊回憶著耬斗菜和美洲石竹。如今花園里只有薰衣草、白色夾竹桃和另一個角落里綻放的滿天星。
On impulse, I cut the prettiest strands of phlox and baby’s breath and made one more arrangement for the funeral. When they saw it, friends and family all smiled to see Grandpa’s flowers there. We all felt how much Grandpa would have liked that.
一時心血來潮,我摘下幾朵最美的夾竹桃和滿天星,為爺爺?shù)脑岫Y增添一份新的裝扮。親朋好友看到這些花時,他們都笑了,因?yàn)樗麄兛吹搅藸敔斢H手種的花。我們都覺得爺爺一定會很喜歡那些花。
The October after Grandpa’s death, I planted tulip and daffodil bulbs, snowdrops, crocuses, and bluebells. Each bulb was a comfort to me, a love sent to Grandpa, a promise of spring.
爺爺走后的10月,我種下了郁金香、水仙、雪蓮花、番紅花和藍(lán)鈴花。在我眼中,每一朵含苞待放的花就是一份安慰,就是一份送給爺爺?shù)膼郏褪且环荽禾斓某兄Z。