◎ Any Joystiq
I was always a little in awe of Great-aunt Stephina Roos. Indeed, as children we were all frankly terrified of her. The fact that she did not live with the family, preferring her tiny cottage and solitude[106] to the comfortable but rather noisy household where we were brought up—added to the respectful fear in which she was held.
我對(duì)斯蒂菲娜老姑總是懷著些許敬畏之情。說(shuō)實(shí)話,我們幾個(gè)孩子都很怕她。她不和家人住在一起,她寧愿住在她的小屋里,也不愿住在舒適、熱鬧的家里——我們都是在家里長(zhǎng)大的——這更加重了我們對(duì)她的敬畏之情。
We used to take it in turn to carry small delicacies[107] which my mother had made down from the big house to the little cottage where Aunt Stephia and an old colored maid spent their days. Old Tnate Sanna would open the door to the rather frightened little messenger and would usher him—or her—into the dark voor-kamer, where the shutters were always closed to keep out the heat and the flies. There we would wait, in trembling but not altogether unpleasant.
我們經(jīng)常輪流從我們住的大房子里帶些母親親手為她做的可口食物到那間小屋去,她和一名黑人女仆就住在那兒。桑娜老姨會(huì)為每一個(gè)上門(mén)的膽小的小使者開(kāi)門(mén),將他——或她——領(lǐng)進(jìn)昏暗的客廳。那里的百葉窗總是關(guān)著的,以防熱氣和蒼蠅跑進(jìn)來(lái)。我們總是在那里顫抖著、但又不是完全不高興地等待著斯蒂菲娜老姑。
She was a tiny little woman to inspire so much veneration. She was always dressed in black, and her dark clothes melted into the shadows of the voor-kamer and made her look smaller than ever. But you felt the moment she entered that something vital and strong and somehow indestructible had come in with her, although she moved slowly, and her voice was sweet and soft.
雖然她身材纖細(xì),但贏得了我們?nèi)绱说淖鹁?。她總是穿著黑衣服,暗色的衣服和客廳里的暗影融為一體,把她的身材襯得更加?jì)尚?。但她進(jìn)門(mén)的那一刻,我們立即就能感到一種莫名的、充滿活力和剛毅的氣息,盡管她的步調(diào)緩慢,聲音甜美輕柔。
She never embraced us. She would greet us and take out hot little hands in her own beautiful cool one, with blue veins standing out on the back of it, as though the white skin were almost too delicate to contain them.
她從來(lái)不擁抱我們,但她會(huì)和我們寒暄,用她那雙漂亮卻冷冰冰的手握住我們熱乎乎的小手。她的手背上有一些青筋,好像手上白嫩的皮膚細(xì)薄得遮不住它們似的。
Tante Sanna would bring in dishes of sweet, sweet, sticky candy, or a great bowl of grapes or peaches, and Great-aunt Stephina would converse gravely about happenings on the farm, and, more rarely, of the outer world.
桑娜老姨每次都會(huì)端出幾碟黏乎乎的糖果,或者一碗葡萄或桃子給我們吃。斯蒂菲娜老姑則一本正經(jīng)地說(shuō)著那些發(fā)生在農(nóng)場(chǎng)里的事,偶爾也談些外面世界發(fā)生的事。
When we had finished our sweetmeats or fruit she would accompany us to the stoep, bidding us thank our mother for her gift and sending quaint[108] , old-fashioned messages to her and the Father. Then she would turn and enter the house, closing the door behind, so that it became once more a place of mystery.
等我們吃完糖果或水果后,她會(huì)送我們到屋前的門(mén)廊,并且叮囑我們要代她感謝母親給她送食物,還要我們給父母帶去一些奇怪的老式祝愿。接著她就轉(zhuǎn)身回屋,隨手關(guān)上門(mén),讓那里再次成為神秘世界。
As I grew older I found, rather to my surprise, that I had become genuinely fond of my aloof old great-aunt. But to this day I do not know what strange impulse made me take George to see her and to tell her, before I had confided in another living soul, of our engagement. To my astonishment, she was delighted.
等我慢慢長(zhǎng)大后,我驚奇地發(fā)現(xiàn),我打心眼里開(kāi)始喜歡我那位孤伶伶的老姑了。至今我仍不知道,是什么樣的奇異動(dòng)力,讓我在還沒(méi)告訴別人之前就把喬治領(lǐng)去看望老姑,并告訴她我們已經(jīng)訂婚的消息。讓我感到意外的是,她聽(tīng)到這個(gè)消息后,竟非常高興。
“An Englishman,” she exclaimed. “But that is splendid, splendid. And you,” she turned to George, “you are making your home in this country? You do not intend to return to England just yet?”
“是英國(guó)人!”她大聲喊道,“太好了,真的太好了。你,”她轉(zhuǎn)向喬治,“你要在這兒定居嗎?你還不打算回國(guó)吧?”
She seemed relieved when she heard that George had bought a farm near our own farm and intended to settle in South Africa. She became quite animated, and chattered away to him.
當(dāng)她聽(tīng)說(shuō)喬治已經(jīng)買(mǎi)下我們農(nóng)場(chǎng)附近的一片農(nóng)場(chǎng),并打算在南非定居下來(lái)時(shí),她好像松了一口氣,接著開(kāi)始興致勃勃地和喬治攀談起來(lái)。
After that I would often slip away to the little cottage by the mealie lands. Once she was somewhat disappointed on hearing that we had decided to wait for two years before getting married, but when she learned that my father and mother were both pleased with the match she seemed reassured.
從此以后,我便成了玉米地邊那間小屋的常客。有一次,當(dāng)她聽(tīng)說(shuō)我們決定再過(guò)兩年結(jié)婚時(shí),臉上露出了失望的表情,但一聽(tīng)說(shuō)我的父母都很滿意這門(mén)親事時(shí),她就放心了。
Still, she often appeared anxious about my love affair, and would ask questions that seemed to me strange, almost as though she feared that something would happen to destroy my romance. But I was quite unprepared for her outburst when I mentioned that George thought of paying a lightning visit to England before we were married.“He must not do it,” she cried.“Ina, you must not let him go. Promise me you will prevent him.” she was trembling all over. I did what I could to console her, but she looked so tired and pale that I persuaded her to go to her room and rest, promising to return the next day.
但她還是經(jīng)常把我的婚姻大事掛在嘴邊,還常常問(wèn)一些對(duì)我而言很奇怪的問(wèn)題,就好像深怕我的婚事會(huì)告吹一樣。當(dāng)我提到喬治打算在結(jié)婚之前回國(guó)一趟時(shí),她竟激動(dòng)起來(lái),這完全出乎我的意料。只見(jiàn)她大聲嚷道:“他不能回去!愛(ài)娜!你不能放他走,你得答應(yīng)我不放他走!”她整個(gè)人都在顫抖。我盡力安慰她,但她還是顯得疲乏蒼白。我只好勸她回屋休息,并答應(yīng)第二天再來(lái)看她。
When I arrived I found her sitting on the stoep. She looked lonely and pathetic, and for the first time I wondered why no man had ever taken her and looked after her and loved her. Mother had told me that Great-aunt Stephina had been lovely as a young girl, and although no trace of that beauty remained, except perhaps in her brown eyes, yet she looked so small and appealing that any man, one felt, would have wanted to protect her.
當(dāng)我第二天去看她的時(shí)候,她正坐在屋前的門(mén)廊上。她看上去很孤單、很可憐。我第一次感到納悶:以前怎么沒(méi)人娶她、照顧她、疼愛(ài)她呢?記得母親曾經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò),斯蒂菲娜老姑曾是一個(gè)楚楚動(dòng)人的年輕姑娘,盡管她的美貌早已消逝不見(jiàn),除了那雙褐色眼睛還殘留著些許昔日的風(fēng)韻。不過(guò),她看上去還是那樣?jì)尚×岘嚒⑷侨藧?ài)憐,讓男人們?nèi)滩蛔∠胍Wo(hù)她。
She paused, as though she did not quite know how to begin.
她欲言又止,好像不知該從何說(shuō)起。
Then she seemed to give herself, mentally, a little shake. “You must have wondered,” she said, “Why I was so upset at the thought of young George’s going to England without you. I am an old woman, and perhaps I have the silly fancies of the old, but I should like to tell you my own love story, and then you can decide whether it is wise for your man to leave you before you are married.”
接著,她仿佛振作了起來(lái),顫抖著說(shuō)道:“聽(tīng)你說(shuō)喬治要回國(guó),卻不帶著你,我心里非常不安。你肯定很想知道原因吧!我是一個(gè)老太婆了,但我大概還懷著老人的那顆癡心。不過(guò),我想把我的愛(ài)情故事講給你聽(tīng),這樣,你就能明白該不該在結(jié)婚之前讓你的未婚夫離開(kāi)你。”
“I was quite a young girl when I first met Richard Weston. He was an Englishman who boarded with the Van Rensburgs on the next farm, four or five miles from us. Richard was not strong. He had a weak chest, and the doctors had sent him to South Africa so that the dry air could cure him. He taught the Van Rensburg children, who were younger than I was, though we often played together, but he did this for pleasure and not because he needed money.
“我第一次遇見(jiàn)理查德·威斯頓時(shí),還是一個(gè)很年輕的姑娘。他是英國(guó)人,寄宿在范·倫斯堡家里,離我家四五英里遠(yuǎn)的一個(gè)農(nóng)場(chǎng)上。他身體不好,胸悶氣短。醫(yī)生讓他去南非,利用干燥的氣候來(lái)治病。他給倫斯堡的孩子們上課,那些孩子的年紀(jì)都比我小。盡管我們經(jīng)常玩在一起,但理查德是以教書(shū)為樂(lè),而不是為了賺錢(qián)?!?
“We loved one another from the first moment we met, though we did not speak of our love until the evening of my eighteenth birthday. All our friends and relatives had come to my party, and in the evening we danced on the big old carpet which we had laid down in the barn. Richard had come with the Van Rensburgs, and we danced together as often as we dared, which was not very often, for my father hated the Uitlanders. Indeed, for a time he had quarreled with Mynheer Van Rensburg for allowing Richard to board with him, but afterwards he got used to the idea, and was always polite to the Englishman, though he never liked him.
“我和理查德是一見(jiàn)鐘情,盡管直到我18歲生日那晚,我們才表示對(duì)彼此的愛(ài)慕之情。那天,我們的所有親友都來(lái)參加我的生日舞會(huì)。那晚,理查德也同倫斯堡先生來(lái)了,我們就在倉(cāng)房里鋪上一條寬大的舊毛毯,翩翩起舞。我和他鼓起勇氣一起跳了好多次,可其實(shí)也沒(méi)多少次,因?yàn)槲腋赣H很討厭外國(guó)人。有一次,他還抱怨說(shuō)倫斯堡先生不應(yīng)該讓理查德住在他家里,為此還吵了一架,不過(guò)他后來(lái)也習(xí)慣了。雖說(shuō)一直不喜歡,但他對(duì)這個(gè)英國(guó)人還是以禮相待。
“That was the happiest birthday of my life, for while we were resting between dances Richard took me outside into the cool, moonlit night, and there, under the stars, he told me he loved me and asked me to marry him. Of course I promised I would, for I was too happy to think of what my parents would say, or indeed of anything except Richard was not at our meeting place as he had arranged. I was disappointed but not alarmed, for so many things could happen to either of us to prevent out keeping our tryst. I thought that next time we visited the Van Ransburgs, I should hear what had kept him and we could plan further meetings ...
“那是我一生中最快樂(lè)的一個(gè)生日,因?yàn)樵谔栝g歇時(shí),理查德把我?guī)У绞彝猓汇逶≈鍥龅脑鹿猓邳c(diǎn)點(diǎn)繁星之下,他對(duì)我傾訴愛(ài)慕之情,并向我求婚。我二話沒(méi)說(shuō)就答應(yīng)了他的請(qǐng)求,因?yàn)槲以缫研幕ㄅ?,甚至?lái)不及考慮父母會(huì)說(shuō)些什么。有一次約會(huì),理查德沒(méi)有出現(xiàn)在約定地點(diǎn)。我很失落,但沒(méi)有覺(jué)得奇怪,因?yàn)槲覀兊募s會(huì)經(jīng)常會(huì)被許多事情耽擱。我想下一次我們拜訪倫斯堡家時(shí),我就能知道他失約的原因,這樣我們就能安排接下來(lái)的約會(huì)了……
“So when my father asked if I would drive with him to Driefontein I was delighted. But when we reached the homestead and were sitting on the stoep drinking our coffee, we heard that Richard had left quite suddenly and had gone back to England. His father had died, and now he was the heir and must go back to look after his estates.
“所以,當(dāng)我的父親叫我開(kāi)車(chē)送他去德里方丹時(shí),我高興極了??僧?dāng)我們到達(dá)倫斯堡家的農(nóng)場(chǎng),坐在他們屋前的門(mén)廊上喝咖啡時(shí),卻聽(tīng)說(shuō)理查德已經(jīng)不辭而別,回英國(guó)去了。他的父親去世了,他是繼承人,所以必須回國(guó)處理那些遺產(chǎn)。
“I do not remember very much more about that day, except that the sun seemed to have stopped shining and the country no longer looked beautiful and full of promise, but bleak and desolate as it sometimes does in winter or in times of drought. Late that afternoon, Jantje, the little Hottentot herd boy, came up to me and handed me a letter, which he said the English baas had left for me. It was the only love letter I ever received, but it turned all my bitterness and grief into a peacefulness which was the nearest I could get, then, to happiness. I knew Richard still loved me, and somehow, as long as I had his letter, I felt that we could never be really parted, even if he were in England and I had to remain on the farm. I have it yet, and though I am an old, tired woman, it still gives me hope and courage.”
“我已經(jīng)記不清那天的情形了,只記得那天的陽(yáng)光顯得暗淡,田野也不再美麗、不再充滿海誓山盟,蕭瑟凄涼得如同冬日或大旱時(shí)期。那天下午晚些時(shí)候,霍但托特族的小牧童詹杰交給我一封信,他說(shuō)是那位英國(guó)先生留給我的。這是我收到的唯一一封情書(shū),可它把我的憂傷一掃而光,讓我的心平靜下來(lái),可以說(shuō)是一種類(lèi)似幸福的平靜。我知道理查德還愛(ài)著我,不知道為什么,自從我收到他的信之后,我覺(jué)得我們不會(huì)真正分手,即使他身在英國(guó),而我卻只能待在這里。這封信我保留至今,雖然我已是一個(gè)年老體衰的老太婆,但它仍舊能給我?guī)?lái)勇氣和希望。”
“I must have been a wonderful letter, Aunt Stephia,” I said.
“斯蒂菲娜老姑,那封信一定很美吧!”我說(shuō)。
The old lady came back from her dreams of that far-off romance. “Perhaps,” she said, hesitating a little, “perhaps, my dear, you would care to read it?”
老太太從她那久遠(yuǎn)的愛(ài)之夢(mèng)中醒過(guò)神來(lái)?!耙苍S,”她帶著憂郁說(shuō)道,"也許,親愛(ài)的,你想看看那封信吧?"
“I should love to, Aunt Stephia,” I said gently.
“我很想看,斯蒂菲娜老姑。”我輕聲說(shuō)道。
She rose at once and tripped into the house as eagerly as a young girl. When she came back she handed me a letter, faded and yellow with age, the edges of the envelope worn and frayed as though it had been much handled. But when I came to open it I found that the seal was unbroken.
她猛地一下站起來(lái),奔進(jìn)屋里,急切得像個(gè)年輕姑娘。她從屋里出來(lái)后,遞給我一封信。歲月已讓那封信褪色發(fā)黃,信封邊也已經(jīng)磨損,看上去好像被摩挲過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)次。但在啟信時(shí),我發(fā)現(xiàn)封口還沒(méi)有拆開(kāi)。
“Open it, open it,” said Great-aunt Stephia, and her voice was shaking.
“打開(kāi)它,打開(kāi)它?!彼沟俜颇壤瞎谜f(shuō)道,她的聲音在顫抖。
I broke the seal and read.
我撕開(kāi)封口,開(kāi)始念信。
It was not a love letter in the true sense of the word, but pages of the minutest directions of how “my sweetest Phina” was to elude her father’s vigilance, creep down to the drift at night and there meet Jantje with a horse which would take her to Smitsdorp. There she was to go to “my true friend, Henry Wilson”, who would give her money and make arrangements for her to follow her lover to Cape Town and from there to England,“ where, my love, we can be married at once. But if, my dearest, you are not sure that you can face lift with me in a land strange to you, then do not take this important step, for I love you too much to wish you the smallest unhappiness. If you do not come, and if I do not hear from you, then I shall know that you could never be happy so far from the people and the country which you love. If, however, you feel you can keep your promise to me, but are of too timid and modest a journey to England unaccompanied, then write to me, and I will, by some means, return to fetch my bride.”
嚴(yán)格說(shuō)來(lái),它算不上一封情書(shū),只是幾頁(yè)內(nèi)容詳盡的行動(dòng)指南。信中交代了“我最親愛(ài)的菲娜”該如何擺脫她父親的監(jiān)視,在夜間時(shí)分逃出家門(mén),詹杰會(huì)在淺灘上牽馬等著她,然后將她馱到史密斯多普,到了那里再去找理查德的“知心朋友亨利·威爾遜”,他會(huì)給她錢(qián)為她做好安排,讓她能跟隨她的情人到開(kāi)普敦,隨后轉(zhuǎn)道英國(guó)?!坝H愛(ài)的,這樣我們就可以在英國(guó)結(jié)婚了。但是我的至愛(ài),如果你不能保證你能在一個(gè)陌生的地方和我一起生活,你就不必采取這個(gè)重大行動(dòng),因?yàn)槲姨珢?ài)你了,不能讓你感到絲毫不快。如果你不來(lái),如果我聽(tīng)不到你的回音,我就會(huì)知道,如果你離開(kāi)你摯愛(ài)的親人和鄉(xiāng)土,你是不會(huì)幸福的。但如果你能實(shí)踐你對(duì)我的承諾,而由于你生性持重膽怯,不愿單身前往英國(guó),就來(lái)信告訴我,那我就會(huì)想方設(shè)法回南非來(lái)迎接我的新娘?!?
I read no further.
我沒(méi)有繼續(xù)念下去。
“But Aunt Phina!” I gasped. “Why ... why ...?”
“可是,菲娜老姑!”我氣喘吁吁地問(wèn)道:“為什么……為什么……?”
The old lady was watching me with trembling eagerness, her face flushed and her eyes bright with expectation. “Read it aloud, my dear,” she said. “I want to hear every word of it. There was never anyone I could trust ... Uitlanders were hated in my young days ... I could not ask anyone.”
老太太的身體顫抖著,她渴望知道信的內(nèi)容,她的雙眼炯炯有神地凝視著我,急切的期待讓她臉頰泛紅?!坝H愛(ài)的,大聲念吧!”她說(shuō),“信里的每句話,我都要聽(tīng)!當(dāng)時(shí)我找不到可靠的人給我念……在我年輕時(shí),外國(guó)人是遭人深?lèi)和唇^的……我找不到人給我念??!”
“But, Auntie, don’t you even know what he wrote?”
“可是老姑,難道你一直不知道信的內(nèi)容嗎?”
The old lady looked down, troubled and shy like a child who has unwittingly done wrong.
老太太低下了頭,像一個(gè)無(wú)心犯了錯(cuò)的孩子那樣怯生生的,不知道該說(shuō)些什么。
“No, dear,” she said, speaking very low. “You see, I never learned to read.”
“我不知道,親愛(ài)的,”她低聲說(shuō)道,“你也知道,我從來(lái)沒(méi)念過(guò)書(shū)?。 ?