love Means Putting The Other One First
As a teenager I had certain ideas in my mind that constituted the idyllic life of love and marriage. In Home Economics, our teacher had us plan the perfect wedding and the perfect reception, right down to the throwing of rice and driving away in a limousine. It was just like the movies where the nice guy gets the beautiful girl and they live happily ever after. Reality was not a part of the picture.
After high school, I went to college and was determined to ome a nurse. I forgot about marriage. I could put that on hold since I was going to help people and travel. Surprisingly, two years later I met the man I would marry. It's often said, " opposites attract." This was really true about us.
He was from a small town in Idaho and farmed with his father. I was from a Southern town, which had a ater population than the entire state of Idaho. I had always been emphatic that I didn't know whom I would marry, but one thing was for sure --he would not be a farmer or dairyman! Well, I was wrong in both cases. They were not only farmers but dairymen as well.
We were married in October just prior to the beginning of heavy snowfalls. It would snow heavily throughout the whole winter. Our only entertainment was listening to the radio or the local high school sporting events. My new husband was a
lover of sports. He had been a champion boxer and also participated in most sports. I was a lover of the arts. Speech, drama and dance were my first love. The nearest town with this kind of entertainment was forty miles away and the highway was closed off and on1 all winter.
We had only been married seven months when I received word that my mother, who was battling cancer, would not live much longer. Even though there was the dairy with 75 cows and 1400 acres to farm, as soon as my husband read the telegram, he sadly said, " Honey, get your bags packed while I make reservations for you. Your place is with your mother and your father right now." To him there had been no other decision to make. Every week I would receive a letter telling me all about how the farm was doing and inquiring about my parents and how we were all doing. Little was said about his sadness of being alone, or of missing his new bride, except at the very end of his letters where an unmistakable " I love you" was written. Teenage dream letters would have been filled with remarks of undying love and pain of missing me, but his letters were simple words of reality.
Four months later, after the funeral and final matters were taken care of with my father and brother, I returned to Idaho where I knew my husband would be at the airport to meet me.
The look in his eyes told me more than any dream letter could. The joy and honesty of love was deep. On the 80-mile drive to our home, I talked incessantly while he quietly listened, without interrupting. When he finally had a chance to respond, he asked me to open the glove compartment of the car and take out an envelope with my name on it. " I wanted to give you something special to let you know how much I missed you," he said quietly.
I opened the envelope to find season tickets, for both of us, to all of the area's fine art functions. Our income was not all that at and I was stunned. " I don't believe this," I cried. " You don't enjoy these things!"
When I finally stopped protesting, he reached out, hugged me and quietly said, " No, but you do, and I will learn." In that moment I realized marriage wasn't 50/50, but real love was made of 100/0 sometimes. Love means putting the other one
first. His example taught his young wife a at lesson--a lesson that has made a happy marriage for 51 years.
還是十幾歲的少女時(shí),我腦子里對(duì)愛(ài)情與婚姻所想像的是情畫意般的生活。在家政學(xué)課上,老師讓我們?cè)O(shè)計(jì)理想的婚禮、理想的婚慶招待會(huì) ,一直到撒大米、新郎新娘開(kāi)著豪華轎車緩緩離去。這就像中俊男靚女終成眷屬,他們從此幸福地生活在一起。但現(xiàn)實(shí)可不是如此。
后,我上了大學(xué),立志要做一名護(hù)士。我把婚姻拋在了腦后。我暫不考慮結(jié)婚,因?yàn)槲乙獛椭?,我要周游四方。令人驚奇的是, 兩年后我遇到了我要嫁的男人。常常有人說(shuō),"對(duì)立物互相吸引。"我們倆就是這么回事。
他愛(ài)達(dá)荷州的一個(gè)小鎮(zhèn),和他父親一起經(jīng)營(yíng)農(nóng)場(chǎng)。我南方的一個(gè)城鎮(zhèn),那里的人口比整個(gè)愛(ài)達(dá)荷州的總?cè)丝诙级?。我一直都是態(tài) 度堅(jiān)決地表明我不知道要嫁給什么樣的男人,但有一點(diǎn)是肯定無(wú)疑的--他不會(huì)是務(wù)農(nóng)的或養(yǎng)乳牛的!但是結(jié)果我都錯(cuò)了。我遇到的這個(gè)男人和 他父親既耕作也養(yǎng)牛。
我們?cè)?/span>10月結(jié)了婚,就在大雪迫近之際。大雪會(huì)下一冬天。我們惟一的娛樂(lè)就是聽(tīng)收音機(jī)或觀看當(dāng)?shù)乇荣?。我新婚的丈夫是個(gè)體 育愛(ài)好者。他曾是拳擊冠軍,也參加過(guò)很多種活動(dòng)。而我是個(gè)藝術(shù)迷。、戲劇、舞蹈是我的摯愛(ài)。有這類藝術(shù)活動(dòng)的城鎮(zhèn),最近的離 我們也有40英里,而高速公路在整個(gè)冬天是時(shí)而封閉時(shí)而開(kāi)放的。
在我們結(jié)婚僅7個(gè)月的時(shí)候,我得到消息:我母親在與癌癥作抗?fàn)?,恐怕活不了多久了。盡管有75頭牛和1400畝地要照顧,但我丈夫讀完電 報(bào)就悲傷地說(shuō):"親愛(ài)的,我去給你訂票,你收拾好行李。你現(xiàn)在是該和你父母在一起。"對(duì)于他來(lái)說(shuō)沒(méi)有什么別的決定可作。每周我會(huì)收到他 的來(lái)信,告訴我農(nóng)場(chǎng)的情況,并詢問(wèn)我父母如何,我們?nèi)胰嗽趺礃?。他很少流露他孤?dú)一人的悲傷,或他如何思念他的新婚妻子,只是在每 封信的結(jié)尾都清楚無(wú)誤地寫了"我愛(ài)你"。我十幾歲時(shí)想像的夢(mèng)中情書應(yīng)該滿紙都是訴說(shuō)永恒的愛(ài)和思念我的痛苦,但是我丈夫的信就是簡(jiǎn)簡(jiǎn)單 單描述現(xiàn)實(shí)生活的幾行字。 4個(gè)月后,舉行完葬禮,在和我父親與兄弟一同落實(shí)了最后事宜之后,我返回愛(ài)達(dá)荷州。我知道我丈夫會(huì)到機(jī)場(chǎng)來(lái) 接我。
他的眼神告訴我的遠(yuǎn)比任何夢(mèng)中情書所能寫的還要多,充滿了深切的愛(ài)的喜悅和誠(chéng)摯。在開(kāi)車80英里回我們家的路上,我不停地說(shuō)這說(shuō)那 ,而他只是靜靜地聽(tīng)著,并不打斷我的話。當(dāng)他終于有機(jī)會(huì)講話時(shí),他叫我打開(kāi)汽車儀表板上的儲(chǔ)物箱,拿出上面寫有我名字的一個(gè)信封。"我 想給你一樣特別的東西,讓你知道我有多么想你,"他平靜地說(shuō)。
我打開(kāi)信封,發(fā)現(xiàn)里面有不少季節(jié)門票,是我們兩人的,是去參加該地區(qū)所有藝術(shù)活動(dòng)的門票。我們的收入還沒(méi)到那個(gè)水平,我真是驚呆 了。"我不相信,"我哭著說(shuō),"你并不喜歡這些東西!" 當(dāng)我終于停止抗議時(shí),他伸出臂膀,將我摟抱在懷,靜靜地說(shuō):"是的,但是你喜歡,而我可以學(xué)。"
在那一刻,我領(lǐng)悟到婚姻不是50對(duì)50,真正的愛(ài)有時(shí)是100對(duì)0。愛(ài)意味著把對(duì)方放在首位。他用實(shí)例給他年輕的妻子上了深刻的一課,這一課促成了51年的幸?;橐?。