雅思大作文點(diǎn)評(píng)：解決城市住房短缺只能靠政府？

　　Some people think the housing shortage in big cities can only be solved by the government. Do you agree or disagree?

　　In major cities, problem(可數(shù)名詞前面既沒(méi)有冠詞，又是單數(shù)!避免這種用法，改成problems更好些) with housing shortage seems to have climbed at an alarming rate. So some people hold that the unique solution for(solution后接to) the problem depends on government action. To be frank, I’m in high favor that the problem of housing shortage is the responsibility of not only governments but also individuals and enterprises. (55words)

　　結(jié)構(gòu)分析：2+1’的模式，最后一句正面提出了自己的觀點(diǎn)。2句背景介紹句也寫(xiě)得不錯(cuò)。詞數(shù)55個(gè)，稍微有些多，但即使這樣也沒(méi)有任何問(wèn)題。唯一的瑕疵就是紅色部分的問(wèn)題，但是屬于很小的錯(cuò)誤，不怎么影響。

　　語(yǔ)言方面：由于語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤不是很多(幾乎沒(méi)有)，所以6分是可以保證的，關(guān)鍵是要拿7分以上的話，語(yǔ)言的多樣性方面要求就高了!此段，作者這方面還是做的不錯(cuò)的，句型還是比較豐富的，所以起評(píng)分7分。

　　Like any else(和后面的句子連起來(lái)，總覺(jué)得很便扭!), enterprises are in pursuit of maximization of profits, taking no consideration of the reasonable utilization of land(可以簡(jiǎn)潔地寫(xiě)成land utilization). Big companies and factories located in the city centre due to convenience in business exchange and transportation(這句話的謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞呢?!難道是located?那么應(yīng)該是are located in). However these gigantic companies and factories have taken up so many places on city(?) that there are few lands resources(名詞作定語(yǔ)要用其原形，即land) can be used in housing. (62words)

　　結(jié)構(gòu)分析：1’+2模式，第1句是主題句。結(jié)構(gòu)上就不多說(shuō)了，因?yàn)闆](méi)有什么問(wèn)題。

　　語(yǔ)言方面：乍看之下沒(méi)有什么明顯的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，但是仔細(xì)一分析，很多表達(dá)都可以改進(jìn)一下，這就可能是更高一個(gè)檔次所以考慮的問(wèn)題了!雖然看上去改了很多，但是6分依然可以保證，關(guān)鍵就是看是7分還是8分。但是，看了這一段，看來(lái)8分是不太可能了，呵呵。。。

　　On the other hand, overpopulation is also the cause of this problem. Especially in china(標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)亂用，應(yīng)該用逗號(hào)，然后小寫(xiě)!!!), although the growth of accommodation is rapid. It still can not meet the increasing needs of people(加個(gè)the可能更好些). Furthermore, with the burgeoning of some industrial cities. People, attractive to(這里到底想表達(dá)什么意思呢?!是不是attracted by的意思啊?!) comparative advantages, such as education and job opportunities, have been swarming into these “dreamland of fantasy ”,which brings heavy burden to the limited housing resources. (68words)

　　語(yǔ)言分析：看正文段的語(yǔ)言水平一般就能看出作者真正的英語(yǔ)功底，看來(lái)這位老兄也就7分的命了，8分是肯定沒(méi)有了，呵呵。。。

　　Finally, we can not deniable(低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤，can后面能加形容詞?!) the fact that government lack(單數(shù)名詞怎么可以加動(dòng)詞原形呢?!) social awareness and consciousness of equilibrium between economic construction and utilization of land. the government of city without the planning of sustainable development for land(此句似乎沒(méi)有謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞!!!). The policies should be made to allow more skyscrapers to be built (47words)

　　語(yǔ)言分析：此段似乎作者有失水準(zhǔn)!!!低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤很多，導(dǎo)致影響很大!

　　In conclusion, actions to implement the improvement of housing problem should await the participation of government, big companies and factories and individuals.(22words) (249words)

　　綜合評(píng)論：文章首段和尾段寫(xiě)得還不錯(cuò)。的確，從應(yīng)試角度來(lái)說(shuō)，這兩段是比較固定的，只要少犯些錯(cuò)誤，一般不會(huì)有大問(wèn)題!而正文段就不同了，由于靈活性相對(duì)來(lái)說(shuō)比較大，內(nèi)容也不特定，所以比較能反映作者的英語(yǔ)功底。已經(jīng)有一定水平的同學(xué)，可以在正文段上再下些功夫!!!

　　此文6分。