雅思作文之“見官死”開頭完全曝光
在雅思界，流傳著這樣一句很經(jīng)典的話：“所謂比較認(rèn)真負(fù)責(zé)，比較專業(yè)的雅思寫作考官，就是會(huì)把每篇文章第二段第二句都仔細(xì)看一遍的考官……” 由此可見大多數(shù)考官其實(shí)就是 “Judge an essay by its introduction”的(當(dāng)然其它的部分考官也會(huì)看，但一般不會(huì)像看開頭部分那么仔細(xì))。因此對(duì)于廣大雅思考生來說，寫好開頭的部分就能給考官留下一個(gè)很好的第一印象，從而更容易得到比較高的分?jǐn)?shù)。然而，我們中國考區(qū)的很多雅思考生卻往往因?yàn)樵陂_頭部分犯了這樣或者那樣的錯(cuò)誤，從而導(dǎo)致寫出來的文章開頭“慘不忍睹”，套用武俠小說的話來說，就是能讓看了你文章的考官“輕則內(nèi)傷，重則當(dāng)場吐血身亡”，呵呵，好像夸張了一點(diǎn)，但考官即使不真的吐血，看到你的作文開頭實(shí)在問題太多太大，他直接手起刀落“咯嚓”一聲把你的文章直接“槍斃”(所謂“槍斃”就是看到開頭太爛的文章直接打4分或4分以下)掉總行吧?為此，俞老師特地整理了同學(xué)們?cè)趯懽鏖_頭過程當(dāng)中最頻繁出現(xiàn)的10大問題進(jìn)行分析，稱之為“見官死”開頭(就跟網(wǎng)路“見光死”一樣，“見官死”的開頭只要被考官一看到就絕對(duì)會(huì)當(dāng)場槍斃，也就是說這樣的文章一見到考官就-死-定-了!)，各位同學(xué)只要能夠牢記10大“見官死”開頭的典型癥狀，并且能夠?qū)ΠY下藥的確保自己的文章不出現(xiàn)10大“見官死”開頭的任何一種，就至少能夠確保你的文章得分在6分以上(當(dāng)然前提是你文章的其它部分不能太爛……)! 今天先來跟同學(xué)們一起來看“見官死”開頭之一。
“見官死”開頭之一：廢話連篇不知所云(噴血指數(shù)：☆☆☆)
典型失敗案例：
Topic 1-Should college students be allowed to get married?
This topic is very interesting. I’m very interested in talking about this topic. Because I’m also a college student and I’m not married……
分析： 這里所有的案例全部都是真人真事搬上銀幕-都是我從同學(xué)們平時(shí)的習(xí)作當(dāng)中“精選”出來的。先來看這個(gè)案例，題目問你應(yīng)不應(yīng)該允許大學(xué)生結(jié)婚，而作者一上來先是對(duì)這個(gè)Topic大加贊揚(yáng)，說題目“很有趣”，自己對(duì)于談?wù)撨@個(gè)話題“很感興趣”，然后又開始作起自我介紹來了……我跟這篇開頭的“作者”有過交流，我問他為什么想到要這樣寫，他說：“老師我聽說雅思作文的題目就是那些評(píng)卷的考官出的，所以我一上來先把他們出的考題先大～大地贊美一番那可能考官看了很高興就會(huì)給我一個(gè)比較高的分?jǐn)?shù)了……”唉，小孩子什么不學(xué)學(xué)大人拍馬屁倒學(xué)得挺快!但是在這里我要鄭重告訴大家你這樣做的話是絕～對(duì)～絕～對(duì)不會(huì)有用的，先不管出題的考官和評(píng)卷的考官正好是同一人的概率有多大，雅思寫作考官評(píng)價(jià)你的文章看的是你的文章里面有多少“Quality Words”(這個(gè)概念很重要，一般所謂“Quality Words”是能夠直接反映主題，表明態(tài)度立場或者提供有價(jià)值信息的句子)。所以不管你在文章開頭多么煽情地，賣力地試圖通過對(duì)Topic本身評(píng)頭論足來“討好”考官都是不會(huì)有任何用處的，因?yàn)檫@些內(nèi)容都不屬于“Quality Words”的范疇，在考官的眼里都是廢話而已。
結(jié)論：在雅思大作文開頭的兩個(gè)“千萬不要”
1.千萬不要對(duì)題目本身的好壞難易進(jìn)行評(píng)頭論足。哪怕你心里真的覺得這個(gè)題目出得很好或者真的很弱智。
2. 千萬不要在文章開頭對(duì)自己的情況進(jìn)行介紹，這不是口語考試，考官根本沒有興趣知道你是誰。
Topic 2-The importance of environmental protection
Oh, this topic is surely very important. Isn’t it? Of course! It’s really very very important!
分析：環(huán)保的重要性到底體現(xiàn)在哪里?講了半天等于什么都沒講……
Topic 3-Will modern technology, such as the Internet, ever replace the book or the writing word as the sole source of information? (雅思真題)
Ok, this topic is a very good topic. First, let me tell you a story: I have a friend, he likes go on the internet very much. Every day, he uses internet to read news or play internet games. So we can see the internet is more and more important in our daily life.
分析：典型的一個(gè)“審題混亂+邏輯混亂+用詞混亂”的“三亂開頭”。首先題目讓我們談的是以internet為代表的現(xiàn)代技術(shù)會(huì)不會(huì)取代傳統(tǒng)紙媒體，而該文幾乎都在講internet怎樣怎樣，此一宗罪也;其次在邏輯上因?yàn)?ldquo;我有一個(gè)朋友很喜歡上網(wǎng)”就能推出“網(wǎng)絡(luò)越來越重要”嗎?此第二宗罪;第三用詞上也有問題，“上網(wǎng)”應(yīng)該是“surf the internet”,“go on the internet”屬于作者自己的發(fā)明創(chuàng)造。此外這個(gè)例子也舉的非常不具有典型性，因此四罪并伐，直接拖出去斬了!
Topic4-Your opinion on DINK families
My opinion on DINK families is that DINK families is not a good thing. And it is a bad thing. It brings no benefits to our society and it is even sometimes harmful to our society.
分析：看上去寫了3句話其實(shí)就一個(gè)意思：Dink Families不好!明明一句話就能說清楚的，干嘛要這么羅嗦地翻來覆去變著方的來講同一個(gè)意思?讓我俞老師來揭穿他：他想混~字~數(shù)～!對(duì)于一些基礎(chǔ)比較薄弱的同學(xué)來說，雅思大作文250字的字?jǐn)?shù)要求很讓他們頭疼，于是就出此把一句話翻來覆去說的下策?？墒沁@樣做的話真的是太侮辱考官的智商了，要知道這根本是小學(xué)生才會(huì)玩的把戲，下面一則笑話可資證明：
小明是一個(gè)小學(xué)二年級(jí)的學(xué)生，老師要求每個(gè)同學(xué)寫一篇兩百字的日記，可是小明寫到“昨天我的小狗小白不見了，我很著急，到街上去找它”就靈感枯竭再也寫不下去了，小明抓破頭皮想了半天，忽然想到一個(gè)“好辦法”-他繼續(xù)寫道：“為了找到小白，我在大街上一遍又一遍地呼喊著小白的名字：小白～小白～小白～小白～小白～(這里他寫了100個(gè)“小白”，輕松湊滿了200個(gè)字…..)”
“見官死”開頭之六：過分簡單 沒有重點(diǎn) ( 噴血指數(shù)：☆☆ )
典型失敗案例：
Topic-The importance of environmental protection
This issue is surely very important, let’s talk about it!
“見官死”開頭之七：用詞不當(dāng) 表達(dá)不準(zhǔn) ( 噴血指數(shù)：☆☆ )
典型失敗案例：
Topic-Should college students be allowed to get married?
I think college students should not be allowed to get married because they are very young and so we can’t take the responsibility to form a family.
“見官死”開頭之八：意思重復(fù) 原地踏步 ( 噴血指數(shù)：☆☆☆ )
典型失敗案例：
Topic-Your opinion on DINK families
My opinion on DINK families is that DINK families is not a good thing. And it is a bad thing. It brings no benefits to our society and it is even sometimes harmful to our society.
“見官死”開頭之九：中國俗語 胡亂翻譯 ( 噴血指數(shù)：☆☆☆☆☆ )
典型失敗案例：
Topic 1-Is it good to have a large family?
I think it is good to have a large family. Because we Chinese believe a sentence: “Many sons, many lucks”……
正確說法：Happiness lies in having many children
Topic 2 -Should we pretend to know everything or admit our ignorance?
We all know, our Chinese old fathers and grandfathers said: “Know is know, don’t know is don’t know”……
Topic 3- Do you think one’s character is greatly influenced by his/her family?
Chinese old words says very good: Dragon born dragon, phoenix born phoenix, rat’s son can make hole……
Topic 4- The advantage of being a nice person
I believe one sentence:“A good person is all life safe”. We Chinese people always say: “Good has good pay, bad has bad pay”.
“見官死”開頭之十：觀點(diǎn)武斷 態(tài)度強(qiáng)硬 ( 噴血指數(shù)：☆☆☆ )
典型失敗案例：
Topic1-The importance of confidence
In my opinion, confidence is the most important thing for a person. All the successful people in the world are full of confidence. While those people who don’t have confidence, they all have failed.
Topic 2 - The solution to the traffic problem
I think to solve the traffic problem, very easy! For those who don’t obey the traffic rules, we should put all of them into prison. If we do that, I’m sure there will be no traffic problem any more.
