養(yǎng)育孩子的4個(gè)關(guān)鍵點(diǎn)

1. 忽略孩子的感受

When you say things like, "Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal," you're implying that your child's feelings are wrong - or that they don't matter. Kids need to know that it's okay to feel a wide variety of emotions. And the key to living their best life is about managing emotions (not suppressing them). A healthier message is to say, "I know you feel scared right now, but I also know you're strong enough to face your fears."

“別擔(dān)心，這沒(méi)什么大不了，”說(shuō)這些話時(shí)，你的潛臺(tái)詞是孩子的感受是錯(cuò)的——或者它們的感受無(wú)關(guān)緊要。孩子應(yīng)該知道，他們可以有各種情緒。而一生都活得精彩的關(guān)鍵在于管理情緒(而非抑制情緒)。更為健康的表達(dá)方式為：“我知道你現(xiàn)在很害怕，但我也知道你很堅(jiān)強(qiáng)，一定可以面對(duì)恐懼。”

2. Giving in to misbehavior

2. 妥協(xié)于他們的不當(dāng)行為

It's tempting to give in when your child is whining or throwing a tantrum - especially on the days when you just don't have the time or energy to address the issue. But each time you give them what they want, you teach your child that their misbehavior is an effective way to get their needs met. If you want to raise mentally strong kids, stick to your limits. Teach them that they can cope with their discomfort and learn healthier ways to manage their emotions.

小孩發(fā)牢騷或發(fā)脾氣時(shí)，你會(huì)很容易妥協(xié)——尤其是當(dāng)你沒(méi)有時(shí)間或精力解決他/她的問(wèn)題時(shí)。但每一次妥協(xié)后給予他/她所想要的東西，你就是在告訴他/她：只要無(wú)理取鬧，他/她的需求就可以得到滿足。如果你希望自己的孩子樂(lè)觀堅(jiān)強(qiáng)，一定要堅(jiān)守自己的底線。你要告訴他/她：我知道你不開心，但你可以學(xué)會(huì)用更健康的方式管理自己的情緒。

3. Overindulging your child

3. 過(guò)度溺愛孩子

You might think it's cute to spend exorbitant amounts of money on your child. Or maybe it makes you feel good that you can give your child all of the things you never had growing up. But there's a lot of research that shows just how unhealthy overindulgence is for kids. If they always get everything they want, they miss out on learning valuable life skills - like self-discipline.

也許你覺(jué)得為孩子花錢沒(méi)什么大不了，或許你覺(jué)得為孩子提供你未曾享受過(guò)的待遇會(huì)讓你擁有一種優(yōu)越感。但大量研究表明，過(guò)度縱容孩子會(huì)帶來(lái)不良后果。如果孩子總是要什么有什么，他們就會(huì)錯(cuò)失一些寶貴的生活技巧——比如自律。

They'll also be more likely to grow up to be materialistic, which is associated with decreased levels of happiness in adulthood. Set limits on what you give your child. Let them know what it's like to experience disappointment, and teach them how to work for things they want to have.

長(zhǎng)大后，被過(guò)度溺愛的孩子也可能成為唯物主義者，導(dǎo)致成年后幸福感下降。在物質(zhì)提供方面，一定要設(shè)定界限。讓他們體驗(yàn)失望并教會(huì)他們?yōu)樽约合胍臇|西而奮斗。

4. Expecting perfection

4. 過(guò)高期望

While high expectations are good for kids, setting the bar too high is likely to backfire. Whether you expect too much from your child on the sports field, or your academic expectations are unreasonable, kids who feel they can't succeed are likely to stop trying. They're also more likely to struggle with self-esteem issues because they'll feel as though they aren't good enough.

雖然高期待有利于孩子發(fā)展，但過(guò)高的期望卻可能適得其反。無(wú)論你是期望他能在運(yùn)動(dòng)場(chǎng)上有優(yōu)異的表現(xiàn)還是希望他學(xué)業(yè)有成，那些感覺(jué)自己無(wú)法做到的孩子往往會(huì)停止嘗試。他們也更可能存在自尊心問(wèn)題，因?yàn)樗麄兛傆X(jué)得自己不夠好。