Life in a Violin Case
In order to tell what I believe, I must briefly sketch something of my personal history.
The turning point of my life was my decision to give up a promising business career and study music. My parents, although sympathetic, and sharing my love of music, disapproved of it as a profession. This was understandable in view of the family background. My grandfather had taught music for nearly forty years at Springhill College in Mobile and, though much beloved and respected in the community, earned barely enough to provide for his large family. My father often said it was only the hardheaded thriftiness of my grandmother that kept the wolf at bay. As a consequence of this example in the family, the very mention of music as a profession carried with it a picture of a precarious existence with uncertain financial rewards. My parents insisted upon college instead of a conservatory of music, and to college I went – quite happily, as I remember, for although I loved my violin and spent most of my spare time practicing, I had many other interests.
Before my graduation form Columbia, the family met with severe financial reverses and I felt it my duty to leave college and take a job. Thus was I launched upon a business career – which I always think of as the wasted years.
Now I do not for a moment mean to disparage business. My whole point I is that it was not for me. I went into it for money, and aside from the satisfaction of being able to help the family, money is all I got out of it. It was not enough. I felt that life was passing me by. From being merely discontented I became acutely miserable. My one ambition was to save enough to quit and go to Europe to study music. I used to get up at dawn to practice before I left for “downtown”, distracting my poor mother by bolting a hasty breakfast at the last minute. Instead of lunching with my business associates, I would seek out some cheap café, order a meager meal and scribble my harmony exercises. I continued to make money, and finally, bit by bit, accumulated enough to enable me to go abroad. The family being once more solvent, and my help no longer necessary, I resigned from my position and, feeling like a man released from jail, sailed for Europe. I stayed four years, worked harder than I had ever dreamed of working before and enjoyed every minute of it.
“Enjoyed” is too mild a word. I walked on air. I really lived. I was a free man and I was doing what I loved to do and what I was meant to do.
If I had stayed in business, I might be a comparatively wealthy man today, but I do not believe I would have made a success of living. I would have given up all those intangibles, those inner satisfactions, that money can never buy, and that are too often sacrificed when a man’s primary goal is financial success.
Money is a wonderful thing, but it is possible to pay too high a price on it.
小提琴上的人生
為了闡明我的信仰,我必須簡單介紹一下我的經(jīng)歷。
當我決定放棄前程似錦的工作而去學音樂時,我的人生就出現(xiàn)了轉(zhuǎn)折。盡管父母因為同我一樣熱愛音樂而懂我的心,但每每聽到我想把音樂當做謀生手段時,他們還是直搖頭。對于我的家庭背景來說,這一點完全可以理解。我的祖父在莫比爾市的斯普林希爾學院教了將近四十年的音樂,盡管他在社區(qū)里深受尊敬和愛戴,但微薄的收入?yún)s難以養(yǎng)活一大家人。父親常說多虧祖母把一分錢掰成兩半花,全家人才不至于有了上頓沒下頓。正因為這前車之鑒,所以現(xiàn)在只要一提到把音樂當飯碗,大家的腦海里就會立即浮現(xiàn)那些朝不保夕的日子。父母一門心思讓我上大學而不是什么音樂學院,于是我上了大學——印象中我那時還是蠻開心的,因為我雖然把大部分課余時間花在練習心愛的小提琴上,但也培養(yǎng)了許多其他愛好。
在我還沒來得及從哥倫比亞大學畢業(yè)前,家里遭遇了嚴重的經(jīng)濟困難。我深知作為家中一員,自己有責任幫助家里擺脫困境,于是退學去找了一份工作。我這才開始在職場拼搏。
現(xiàn)在,我一點也沒有要詆毀職場的意思,只是覺得工作不適合我而已。我完全是為了掙錢而從商的。能幫家里分憂,我感到很滿足,但除此之外,我能得到的只有錢了。這遠遠不夠,我感覺自己的生命在迅速流逝。剛開始,只是覺得有點兒不得志,但后來竟發(fā)展成極度痛苦了。我有一個夢想——等攢夠錢后,辭掉工作去歐洲學音樂。那時我常常“聞雞起舞”,趕在去城區(qū)上班前先練一會兒琴,然后囫圇吞下幾口早餐就沖出門,這讓我可憐的母親很擔心。我一般不和生意上的伙伴一起吃午飯,而是找一家便宜的小餐館,簡單吃一點,然后練幾首曲子。我不斷努力賺錢,一點一滴,最后終于湊夠了出國學習的錢。這時,恰好家中境況也有所好轉(zhuǎn),不再需要我?guī)兔Γ冶戕o了職奔赴歐洲,感覺自己像從監(jiān)獄獲釋一樣自由。在歐洲學習的四年,我的付出與努力超乎想象,但卻始終甘之如飴,享受著分分秒秒。
“享受”這個詞還遠遠不能表達出我的心情。我好似漫步云端,快樂的忘乎所以,真正感覺到自己活著,自由自在,做著自己喜歡做的事,做著自己命中注定要做的事。
如果當初我沒有辭職的話,或許現(xiàn)在會相對寬裕一些。但我不覺得那樣的生活會比現(xiàn)在更精彩。因為我可能要為此放棄那夢幻般的理想,放棄那金錢永遠也買不到的心靈滿足感。如果一個人把金錢視為人生的首要追求,那這些東西只能被拋諸腦后了。
金錢是好,但在得到它的同時,你往往要付出更高的代價。
附注:
亞歷山大•布洛奇:是佛羅里達西海岸交響樂團指揮。從事指揮生涯之前,他曾涉足音樂的許多領(lǐng)域,他赴俄國師從奧坡爾德•奧爾并留下來成為一個俄國交響樂團的音樂總監(jiān)——或許,他是唯一擔任該職的美國人。他是個靦腆的人,音樂是他唯一的嗜好