Chinese Hospitality
A:I was invited to a traditional Beijing household for dinner once. It was an eye-opening experience. The girl who invited me was my colleague. Her father was over 60 years old. He didn’t eat much but was constantly proposing a toast. His wife was busy cooking in the kitchen all the time. I asked her to join us but her husband said “No, she doesn’t.” After dinner, I asked my colleague why her father didn’t eat much and why her mother didn’t join us. She said that was an old tradition. Her father was there to keep me company because I was a guest of honor and usually women did not eat with the guests.
B:I had a similar experience too. I always feel spoiled to be a guest in a Chinese household. The host usually prepares a sumptuous meal. The kids are sent to the neighbors so the guests can have a peaceful meal. Usually, they would start preparing for our visit days ahead. Even though there would be a lot of food on the table, the host would still say “We don’t have much, so please bear with us.” They keep putting food on my plate despite the fact I may not like certain food. I usually feel very embarrassed. Some hosts even force their children to perform a song or recite a poem for me.
A:That is Chinese hospitality. People want to bring out their best food to welcome the guests. Westerners are different. They don’t stay in the kitchen when the guests have arrived. They want to socialize with the guests rather than simply showing hospitality.
B:Chinese people are very friendly and always ready to treat their guests with the best things they have. But this hospitality may cause inconvenience to both the guests and the hosts themselves. An American said in a book over 100 years ago that Chinese hospitality is meant to show the politeness of the host rather than keeping the guest happy. The host may insist on starting a fire so he can make tea for the guest, despite the fact that the guest may be irritated by the smoke. At least the host gives the impression that he is very hospitable.
A:That was over 100 years ago. Things are different now. More and more people prefer a relaxed atmosphere rather than showing hospitality just for the sake of it. But there are exceptions. I went to visit a fairly affluent village in southern China last year. The host was asked to make a special tea for us. She was very friendly, but when she finished making the tea she charged each of us 10 yuan for the treat. As a result of the economic growth people have become money conscious. Although you may not feel comfortable with the traditional hospitality, it could disappear any time.
B:Shall I feel lucky or sorry then?
中國(guó)人的待客之道
A:我曾到一個(gè)老北京家里做客,可真是開(kāi)了眼了。請(qǐng)客的是這家的女兒,她是我的同事。她的父親六十多歲,作為主人,他在飯桌上幾乎沒(méi)吃什么,只是隔一會(huì)兒就端起酒杯勸酒。他的太太一直在廚房里忙著。我們招呼她一起吃,同事的父親說(shuō)“她不上桌”。告辭出來(lái),我問(wèn)同事為什么她父親幾乎不吃東西,而她母親一直不加入我們。她說(shuō)這是老禮數(shù)。她父親把我們當(dāng)作貴客所以要陪酒,而女人一般是不和客人同桌的。
B:我也有過(guò)同樣的經(jīng)歷。到中國(guó)人家里做客總感覺(jué)他們招待得很隆重:上一大桌菜,小孩子被趕到鄰居家,以便客人吃得盡興。請(qǐng)一次客得提前幾天做準(zhǔn)備。既便做了一大桌菜,他們還是說(shuō):“沒(méi)什么東西,湊合吃吧。”還不停地為你布菜,不管你是不是愛(ài)吃。這讓我覺(jué)得很尷尬。有些人家還逼著孩子給客人表演唱歌,或者背詩(shī)。
A:這就是中國(guó)人的待客之道:把最好的東西拿出來(lái)招待客人。西方人并不如此。他們不會(huì)在客人到來(lái)后還在廚房中忙碌,他們的目的是交流而不是表現(xiàn)待客的熱情。
B:中國(guó)人非常友好,所以才會(huì)用最好的東西招待客人。但這樣一來(lái),家人跟著受累,客人也不自在。一百多年前,一位美國(guó)人在他的書(shū)中寫(xiě)道:中國(guó)人待人熱情的目的通常是為了表現(xiàn)自己懂禮節(jié),而并非想使客人滿(mǎn)意。主人執(zhí)意生火為客人沏茶,而不在乎客人是否被煙嗆著,因?yàn)樗辽贅?shù)立了待客有禮的形象。
A:這是一百年前的情形,現(xiàn)在有所不同。更多的人已經(jīng)懂得,自在隨意比過(guò)分禮貌要好得多。也有例外:去年,我到一個(gè)富裕的南方村莊去采訪,請(qǐng)主人給我們一杯當(dāng)?shù)靥赜械牟?。她熱情地為我們上了茶,然后向我們每位收?0元錢(qián)作為服務(wù)的報(bào)償。經(jīng)濟(jì)發(fā)展了,中國(guó)人也有了金錢(qián)意識(shí)。你不適應(yīng)傳統(tǒng)的待客之道,它也許很快就不復(fù)存在了。
B:我該為此慶幸還是遺憾呢?