美國模特霍莉·麥迪遜為不哀悼休·海夫納辯護(hù):“他和我的每一次互動(dòng)都是為了控制”

In the nearly 15 years since Holly Madison left the Playboy Mansion, she’s become a New York Times bestselling author, a mother of two and the host of the Girls Next Level podcast with her friend Bridget Marquardt. 

霍莉·麥迪遜離開花花公子大廈近15年來，她已經(jīng)成為《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》暢銷書作家、兩個(gè)孩子的母親，并與朋友布里吉特·馬夸特一起主持了“女孩新水平”播客。

But Madison spent some of her most-formative years in a relationship with Hugh Hefner, trapped in what she's described as a Playboy false paradise.

但麥迪遜在與休·海夫納的戀愛中度過了人生中最重要的幾年，她被困在她所說的花花公子虛假天堂里。

When Hefner died in 2017, Madison remained mum about his death — and it's a decision she stands by today.

當(dāng)海夫納于2017年去世時(shí)，麥迪遜對(duì)他的死保持沉默——這是她今天堅(jiān)持的決定。

“When he passed away, everybody expected me to have some big reaction or post about it on social media, and it just felt weird. I didn't have any emotional attachment to him anymore in any way,” she tells PEOPLE exclusively. 

“當(dāng)他去世的時(shí)候，每個(gè)人都希望我有一些大的反應(yīng)，或者在社交媒體上發(fā)布，這感覺很奇怪。我對(duì)他已經(jīng)沒有任何情感依戀了，”她對(duì)《人物》雜志獨(dú)家說道。

Before his death, Madison had also gone public with the trauma she faced after dating Hefner in her book Down the Rabbit Hole.

在海夫納去世之前，麥迪遜也在她的書《兔子洞》中公開了她與海夫納約會(huì)后所面臨的創(chuàng)傷。

“I'd already come out talking about what a toxic relationship this was for me,” she says. “Why am I supposed to post a memorial on my Instagram?”

她說:“我已經(jīng)說過這對(duì)我來說是多么有害的關(guān)系。”“為什么我要在我的Instagram上發(fā)布紀(jì)念?”

Still healing from her years in the Playboy Mansion at the time, Madison — who says she developed body dysmorphia due to Hefner's constant judgment — felt a range of emotions when he died. 

麥迪遜說，由于海夫納不斷的評(píng)判，她的身體出現(xiàn)了畸形。當(dāng)海夫納去世時(shí)，她感到了一系列的情緒。

“Not relief at all, because I felt like I had taken myself kind of out of that universe pretty solidly. But it was a really odd time,” she recalls. “For me, after leaving that relationship, I kind of felt like he had always interacted with me in such a fake way. Because every interaction he had with me was all about control or this fantasy he had of a relationship. It almost felt like playing house in a way.”

“一點(diǎn)也不輕松，因?yàn)槲矣X得我已經(jīng)把自己帶出了那個(gè)宇宙。但那真的是一段奇怪的時(shí)光，”她回憶道。“對(duì)我來說，在離開這段關(guān)系后，我覺得他總是以一種虛假的方式與我互動(dòng)。因?yàn)樗臀业拿恳淮位?dòng)都是關(guān)于控制或者他對(duì)我們關(guān)系的幻想。在某種程度上，這幾乎就像過家家一樣。”