婚姻并不是我不快樂而已（雙語）

I got married when I was 23 years old, and for a while I was unhappy. I couldn't break up our marriage cuz I had always believed divorce was not an option. So I tried to live one day at a time, not over-thinking the future, hoping that things will get better some day.

我23歲就結(jié)婚了，但是沒過多久，我覺得并不快樂。我不能終止婚姻，因為我從來沒有覺得離婚是一種(解決)方式。于是我每天得過且過，不多考慮將來。希望事情會在將來自己改善。

The problem was, it was all me, my wife didn't do anything to upset me and she's genuinely innocent. I didn't laugh when she was telling jokes, mainly because she can't tell jokes and always mess up the punchline, it's also because I didn't love her anymore, but I tried to crack a smile as hard as it was.

但問題是，所有問題都在于我。我的妻子從未做過任何讓我失望的事情，而且她非常的單純。她講笑話時，我都不笑，因為她根本不會笑話，主要講不好笑話的梗，也因為我不再愛她，但我還是擠出無比尷尬的笑容。

I didn't even notice when she wore something new or fixed herself for me. I was aware of my problem and that's why I was going crazy, the fact that it's all me. That being said, I have never hurt her or even said something unpleasant to her, I never acted on those feelings, I kept my shit to myself.

我甚至都沒有注意她穿了新衣服，或是為我停留。我意識到是我的問題，這就是我為什么抓狂的原因，而且問題完全在我。所以我從來都沒有傷害過她，或是講過什么令她不悅。我不表現(xiàn)這種情緒，都一個人默默承受。

One day I had to just get away for a while, clear my mind, and try and see a bigger picture, if there was one. Of course I didn't make it seem like i'm taking a break or anything, i'm a good actor.

一天，我不得不暫時離開，清理下腦子，試著展望下未來，如果那個未來存在的話。我沒有讓這次離開看起來像我要休息一下，或是別的(讓她誤會)的事情，我是一個好演員。

So I left, and took a road trip. Driving always helped me get better for the night. I drive alone and talk out loud and let it all out so I don't burst up and explode during the day.

接著我開啟了我的公路之旅，獨自一人開夜車讓我覺得好過些，我大聲講話，讓情緒發(fā)泄，這樣不至于在白天失控爆發(fā)。

Nothing happened during those silent days of driving, except that she called me twice everyday to check on me.

在那些安靜開車的日子里什么都沒有發(fā)生，除了她每天兩通電話，看我是否安好。

She never missed a call, and suddenly I realized that I was waiting for her to forget to call me. I keep realizing how much of an asshole I am.One day while driving I had a moment of clarity, it was so beautiful that I smiled and cried at the same time.

她從來都沒有漏打過一個電話，突然間我意識到，我就是要等她忘記打電話給我，我愈來愈覺得自己是一個十足的混蛋。一天在開車時，我突然清醒了，我邊微笑邊哭泣，這種感覺真是太美妙了。

My mind drew a picture for me and here it is.. My wife crying while i'm not there or I can't see her, then she gathers herself and acts normal when im there, and tries to tell a joke just to get me to smile even though she knows she can't tell jokes, and for some reason, she was wearing a white dress.

腦海中虛構(gòu)的場景浮現(xiàn)在眼前。我的妻子，在我不在或是看不到她的時候抹眼淚，當(dāng)我在的時候，強(qiáng)打精神，恢復(fù)常態(tài)。盡管知道自己不擅長講笑話，還是盡力博我一樂，而且不知何故，她身著一襲白裙。

I was thinking about my own happiness so much that I forgot to think about how miserable i'm making her feel. I never hated myself more than I did at that moment.

我只顧自己的喜樂，卻忘了顧及她的感受。在那一刻，我從未如此討厭自己。

I turned the car around and drove home, and while i'm on the road, I kept imagining her in that white dress. It made me happy. And I recalled some of the jokes she had told me before, and I laughed about how she messed up the punchline every time.That was three years ago, we had two daughters since then and I can't believe how lucky I am that I didn't mess it up. I'm thankful that she didn't leave me when she had every excuse to. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that with every love song that I hear, I think of her.

我將車掉頭駛向家，一路上我不停想象著那穿那條白裙子的樣子，這讓我很開心。接著我想起了之前她給我講的那些笑話，想起她每次都說不好笑話的梗，我笑了。3年前，我有了兩個女兒，我不敢相信自己是多么幸運，而且我也沒有(像之前一樣)把事情搞的不愉快。我很感激她沒有離開我，即使在她完全有理由這么做的情況下。一點都不夸張的講，之后每當(dāng)我聽到情歌，我就會想起她。

So to the people who think they don't love their partners anymore, dig a little deeper. There's a scene in the movie Hachi: A Dog's Tale, where the father asks his daughter's boyfriend, "Do you love my daughter? Because that's what you want to remember in the bad days."

那些覺得自己不愛自己伴侶的人，請在捫心自問下。在關(guān)于狗狗電影《《忠犬八公的故事》中，有一個場景父親曾問女兒的男朋友，“你愛我的女兒么?因為在以后不愉快的日子里你也要記得這點(你愛我的女兒)。