美國(guó)著名脫口秀主持人艾倫·德詹尼絲杜蘭大學(xué)畢業(yè)演講:做真正的自己

謝謝，謝謝考恩校長(zhǎng)，和有頭有臉的來(lái)賓們，呃，有頭有臉的來(lái)賓，你知道你是誰(shuí)，不用介紹了(眾人笑)，誠(chéng)心感謝大家……以及討厭的西班牙語(yǔ)老師(眾人大笑)

And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, Irealize most of you are hungover and have splittingheadaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, butyou can't graduate 'til I finish, so listen up.

感謝所有2009屆的畢業(yè)生，我知道你們絕大多數(shù)人還因?yàn)樗拮眍^痛欲裂，狂歡到今天都還沒睡，但是沒聽完我的演講不能畢業(yè)，所以都聽好了!(學(xué)生們歡呼)

When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went tolook up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, butmost of the books in our house are Portia's, and they're all written in Australian. So I had tobreak the word down myself, to find out the meaning.

當(dāng)我被問(wèn)是否來(lái)參加畢業(yè)典禮演講的時(shí)候，我立刻就回答了：yes!……然后我才去查“畢業(yè)典禮”是什么意思(眾人笑)。如果我有字典的話就輕松多了，但我家的書大多是portia的(ellen的妻子，澳大利亞人)而且都是澳洲文(眾人笑)，所以……我得自己摸索，去找出這個(gè)詞的意思。

Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement onsidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. Sothere's that. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement.

“commencement畢業(yè)典禮”：commen常見的+cement水泥，常見的水泥(眾人大笑)你常常見到水泥，在人行道上，人行道有裂縫，你要是踩到裂縫，就會(huì)撞傷你媽媽的背(大家笑)，所以大概意思就是這樣了(笑聲)

I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus - alumini - aluminum - alumis - you had tograduate from this school. And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know if President Cowanknows, I didn't go to any college at all. Any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time,or money, but look at me, I"m a huge celebrity.

但我很榮幸被邀請(qǐng)來(lái)做你們的“常見的水泥”的演講。我以為非得是又有名，又是你們學(xué)校的校友才能來(lái)……我沒有在這里念過(guò)大學(xué)，我不知校長(zhǎng)先生是否知道，我完全沒上過(guò)大學(xué)…任何一間大學(xué)!我倒不是在說(shuō)你們?cè)诶速M(fèi)時(shí)間和金錢，不過(guò)看看我，我是個(gè)超級(jí)成功的大名人唉!(大家爆笑)

Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spenta lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at (? 估計(jì)是某家商店的名字) and I would go thereevery time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I here today? Clearly notto steal, you're too far away and I'd never get away with it.

事實(shí)上我在這里度過(guò)許多成長(zhǎng)的歲月，我媽媽在這里工作時(shí)，我常來(lái)找她……每當(dāng)我要偷她錢包里的錢時(shí)(大家笑)。但我今天在這里的原因，顯然不是要偷你們的錢……

I'm here because of you. Because I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageousgraduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when you're wearing arobe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up. I'm here because I love New Orleans. I wasborn and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here Ionly did laundry six times.

我在這里是因?yàn)槟銈儯驗(yàn)闆]有比你們更優(yōu)秀更勇敢的畢業(yè)生了?？纯茨銈兠恳粋€(gè)人，身穿你們的袍子(學(xué)士袍)，通常我們說(shuō)在早上10點(diǎn)還穿著袍子(睡袍)代表你放棄人生了(大家大笑)。我在這里，因?yàn)槲覑奂~奧良，我在這里出生成長(zhǎng)，在此度過(guò)少年時(shí)光，正如你們一樣，當(dāng)我住這里時(shí)，我只洗過(guò)6次衣服(眾人笑)。

When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I wentahead and finished high school anyway. And I - I really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what Iwanted to do. I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, Iwas a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought I'd justfinally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basiccable, maybe not, I didn't really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, Ireally thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, Iwas dating men. So what I'm saying is, when you're older, most of you will be gay. Anyonewriting this stuff down? Parents?

當(dāng)我從學(xué)校畢業(yè)的時(shí)候，我完完全全迷失了自我，學(xué)校我指的是初中(大家笑)，后來(lái)我也繼續(xù)念完了高中。我當(dāng)時(shí)，沒有任何的野心，不知道自己想做什么。我什么工作都做，我挖生蠔，當(dāng)帶位員，做酒保，當(dāng)服務(wù)生，粉刷房子，賣吸塵器……完全不知道自己想做什么。我只想隨便找個(gè)糊口的工作，過(guò)一輩子，能有錢負(fù)得起房租就行，我完全沒有任何計(jì)劃。我想說(shuō)的是，當(dāng)我像你們這么大的時(shí)候，我真的以為我了解自己，但其實(shí)我并不了解，舉例來(lái)說(shuō)，我像你們這么大的時(shí)候，還在和男人約會(huì)(大家大笑)。所以我的意思是：當(dāng)你們?cè)匍L(zhǎng)大些后，大多數(shù)的人，都會(huì)是gay!(場(chǎng)內(nèi)爆笑，ellen自己也笑了)

Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this pathwas from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a caraccident. And I passed the accident, and I didn't know it was her and I kept going, and I foundout shortly after that, it was her. And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, Ihad no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas.And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? Idon't understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn't it be so convenient if we could pickup the phone and call God, and ask these questions.

總之，當(dāng)時(shí)我不知道我的人生要干嘛，而最后我找到了我人生目標(biāo)，卻是因?yàn)橐患直瘧K的事。我那時(shí)可能才19歲，當(dāng)時(shí)的女朋友因?yàn)檐嚨溕硗隽?。我?jīng)過(guò)了事故現(xiàn)場(chǎng)，并不知道是她，還繼續(xù)往前走。不久后，才知道那是她。我當(dāng)時(shí)……住在地下室的公寓，沒有錢，沒有暖氣，房子里都是跳蚤。我困惑不已，心想，為何她突然走了，而為何我又呆再這樣一個(gè)境地里。我無(wú)法理解，但其中一定有什么理由。要是能直接拿起電話打給上帝問(wèn)個(gè)清楚，不就太好了。

And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God,which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, and Ihadn't even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. I said, "I'm gonna do this onthe Tonight Show With Johnny Carson"- at the time he was the king - "and I'm gonna be thefirst woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down." And several years later, Iwas the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show tosit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.

于是我開始寫一些東西，心里涌現(xiàn)出一段我和上帝的對(duì)話，雖然只是我一個(gè)人的獨(dú)白。當(dāng)我完成了它后，我閱讀了這個(gè)劇本，對(duì)自己說(shuō)，我說(shuō)我要在“今夜秀”上和強(qiáng)尼.卡森一起表演這一段。強(qiáng)尼.卡森是當(dāng)時(shí)主持屆的天王，我對(duì)自己說(shuō)我要成為該節(jié)目史上第一個(gè)被邀請(qǐng)和強(qiáng)尼一起坐下來(lái)訪問(wèn)的女性。數(shù)年之后，我成為這個(gè)節(jié)目史上，第一位也是唯一一位，被邀請(qǐng)坐下來(lái)和他訪問(wèn)的女性。就因?yàn)槟嵌挝覍懙暮蜕系鄞螂娫挼膭”尽?/p>

And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard,because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I wasgay. And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me.

從此我開始做單人脫口秀，做得很成功，也很辛苦，因?yàn)槲蚁胗懞妹恳粋€(gè)人，同時(shí)又守著我身為同性戀的秘密。我想人們要是發(fā)現(xiàn)了，就不會(huì)喜歡我了。

Then my career turned into - I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, another levelof success. And I thought, what if they find out I'm gay, then they'll never watch, and this wasa long time ago, this was when we just had white presidents - this was back, many years ago -and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn'tlive that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative. And my characterwould come out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a political statement, it wasn't to doanything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I justwanted to be honest. And I thought, "What's the worst that could happen? I can lose mycareer". I did. I lost my career. The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, Iread it in the paper. The phone didn't ring for three years. I had no offers. Nobody wanted totouch me at all.

后來(lái)我又有了自己的喜劇，也很成功，更進(jìn)一步的成功。我于是更擔(dān)心，要是別人發(fā)現(xiàn)了怎么辦，是不是就不會(huì)看我的節(jié)目了?這都是很久以前的事了，你們可能不知道，那都是我們的總統(tǒng)還都是白人時(shí)候的事了(大家大笑)。最終我還是決定……我一直帶著羞恥和恐懼而活，我再也不能像那樣活下去了，于是我決定讓劇中的主角和我自己同時(shí)出柜。不是為了什么政治原因或是其他，只是為了讓我從一個(gè)背負(fù)已久的沉重枷鎖中釋放出來(lái)，我只是想要……誠(chéng)實(shí)!我想不會(huì)有更慘的事發(fā)生了，難道會(huì)失去我的演藝事業(yè)嗎?結(jié)果，我真的失去了。我的節(jié)目在做了6年后，沒有告知我就停播了，我讀了報(bào)紙才知道。家中的電話三年沒有再響過(guò)，沒人愿意找我做節(jié)目，沒人愿意碰我。

Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn't, because of whatI did. And I realised that I had a purpose. And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't aboutcelebrity, but I felt like I was being punished... it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, andthen I was offered a talkshow. And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it. Andmost stations didn't want to pick it up. Most people didn't want to buy it because they thoughtnobody would watch me.

然而我收到了想要自殺的同性戀孩子的來(lái)信，他們因?yàn)槲业某龉穸罱K沒有自殺，我才了解到，我在這個(gè)世上是有目的的。那曾是一段痛苦的日子，我很憤世嫉俗，很難過(guò)。后來(lái)有人找我做脫口秀(今天的ellenshow)，制作公司想要賣出節(jié)目，但是大多數(shù)電視臺(tái)都不愿意買。

Really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing. I mean, it was so important for me tolose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself.Ultimately, that's what's gotten me to this place. I don't live in fear, I'm free, I have no secrets.and I know I'll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am.

當(dāng)我回想起這些往事的時(shí)候，我一點(diǎn)也不想去改變什么，即使失去一切。因?yàn)槲乙庾R(shí)到，最重要的事是，對(duì)自己誠(chéng)實(shí)。我的選擇令我在今天能活得自在，沒有恐懼和秘密。我知道一切都是ok的，因?yàn)闊o(wú)論如何，我知道自己是誰(shuí)。

So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different. I thoughtwhen I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I growup I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies. To quote the PussycatDolls. How many people thought it was "boobies", by the way? It's not, it's "groupies".

因此，這是不是結(jié)論的結(jié)論，當(dāng)我年輕時(shí)，對(duì)成功的定義不同，我想我的志愿是：我想出名，想當(dāng)明星，拍電影，我想要去看世界，開名車，有一群死黨……(ellen這段說(shuō)的很溜，大家反應(yīng)過(guò)來(lái)其實(shí)這是小野貓的一首歌的歌詞，于是大笑)

But my idea of success is different today. And as you grow, you'll realise the definition ofsuccess changes. For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots oftequila. For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and notto give into peer pressure. to try to be something that you're not. To live your life as anhonest and compassionate person. to contribute in some way.

但今日我對(duì)成功的定義變了，當(dāng)你長(zhǎng)大，你就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)這點(diǎn)。對(duì)你們中的很多人來(lái)說(shuō)，成功的定義是能灌下20杯龍舌蘭酒(大家笑)。對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，生命中最重要的事是：活得誠(chéng)實(shí)!別逼自己去做不是真正的你，要活得正直，有憐憫之心，在某些方面有所貢獻(xiàn)。

So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never followanyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, and by allmeans you should follow that. Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don'ttake anyone's advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.

因此，這是結(jié)論的結(jié)論(眾人笑)：追隨熱情，忠于自我，絕不要追隨別人的腳步，除非你在森林里迷路了才要這么做(大家笑)。別給人忠告，別接受任何人的忠告。所以…我要給大家的忠告是(大家大笑)：做真實(shí)的你，一切都會(huì)沒事的。

And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there's no need to worry.The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine. It's gonna begreat. You've already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you? And as I mentionedbefore, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. Andnow you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview. Like, "Is it above sealevel?" .

我知道在座很多人都在擔(dān)心自己的前途，但不用擔(dān)心，經(jīng)濟(jì)正急速增長(zhǎng)，就業(yè)市場(chǎng)求才若渴(大家大笑)，地球也好的很!(大家笑)一切都會(huì)好的，你們都經(jīng)歷過(guò)風(fēng)災(zāi)了，還有什么可怕的?如我以前所說(shuō)的：最慘痛的事教會(huì)你最多。比如現(xiàn)在你第一次面試，就知道該問(wèn)考官什么了，例如“公司高于海平面嗎?”(大家大笑，紐奧良因地勢(shì)低被淹水)

So to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded, in the common cementspeech, I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showingyour boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads thanyou know what to do with. And you'll be drunk, most of the time. So the Katrina class of 2009,I say congratulations and if you don't remember a thing I said today, remember this: you'regonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

因此……總結(jié)一下我剛才做的我的“常見的水泥”演講的結(jié)論(大家笑)，我猜我想說(shuō)的是，人生猶如一場(chǎng)狂歡嘉年華，記得展現(xiàn)你的頭腦，而不是胸部。……2009年的畢業(yè)生們，我說(shuō)祝賀大家了!若你不記得我今天說(shuō)的任何話，就請(qǐng)記住這一句：you’re going to be ok，dun-doom-doom-doom(大家愣)，just dance!(所有人大笑歡呼)