Quora精選：愛(ài)上一個(gè)自戀的人，怎么辦？

What should I do when I am emotionally attached to a narcissist?愛(ài)上一個(gè)自戀的人該怎么辦？

 

獲得27.6k好評(píng)的回答@ Elinor Greenberg：

Imagine that you brought home an adorable new dog. In the beginning he seems perfect—handsome, affectionate, and well-behaved. Then one day you go to pick up his food bowl, and he bites you. You remember hearing that dogs can be territorial about their food, so you decide to chalk up that bite to your ignorance. From now on you will be more careful about suddenly invading his space. Cut to six months later. Your dog’s territory keeps expanding and there are fewer and fewer zones left for you.想象你帶回家一只新的可愛(ài)的小狗，最初他很完美——漂亮、跟你很親熱、表現(xiàn)很好。后來(lái)有一天你拿他裝食物的碗時(shí)他咬了你。你記得聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)狗會(huì)護(hù)食，所以你決定要把他咬你的這一口歸咎于自己的疏忽。從今以后你更加小心不能突然占了他的地盤(pán)。六個(gè)月以后，狗的地盤(pán)一再擴(kuò)大，留給你的空間越來(lái)越小。Now, would you keep this dog? If not, how would you handle your emotional attachment? Here are some suggestions. When you start missing your Narcissist:現(xiàn)在你還留著這條狗嗎？如果不留，怎樣才能控制自己的喜歡呢？以下是幾條建議，當(dāng)你開(kāi)始想念一個(gè)自戀的人的時(shí)候，你可以：Remember all the pain he/she inflicted on you.想想所有他/她帶給你的痛苦。Take a deep, cleansing breath and savor your freedom.深呼吸，凈化思想，盡情享受自由。Reclaim all the things that you gave up to satisfy your Narcissistic lover.重拾所有為了滿(mǎn)足你所愛(ài)的自戀者而放棄的東西。Sum up what you have learned from this experience.總結(jié)這段經(jīng)歷中你學(xué)到了什么。Apply what you have learned and look for a new, non-Narcissistic lover.運(yùn)用你所學(xué)到的一切找一個(gè)新的不自戀的愛(ài)人。Remind yourself that you became emotionally attached to a delightful fantasy. The real person was the one who kept hurting you.提醒自己你迷上的是愉快的幻想，而那個(gè)人則一直在傷害你。Punchline: There are many charming, attractive people who are better admired at a distance. When we take them home, they take over. Better a bit of emotional pain now, than a lifetime of it.結(jié)束語(yǔ)：有很多迷人的、有魅力的人只能遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地欣賞，帶回家后他們就會(huì)掌控一切。長(zhǎng)痛不如短痛。

 

獲得124好評(píng)的回答@ Sheeba Bhaskaran：

I think you know the answer. A narcissist is busy with his own self. It's just that you are trying to cling on to that person whereas you very well know that he is not capable of satisfying you emotionally. So pls take a reality check and come out of it. Relationships are all about give and take and it starts becoming a pain when it is a one way drive.我覺(jué)著你知道答案。自戀的人總是忙于自己的事。只是你在努力不愿意放棄那個(gè)人，雖然你深知他不能滿(mǎn)足你的精神需求。所以請(qǐng)你接受現(xiàn)實(shí)，從這段關(guān)系中走出來(lái)。戀愛(ài)應(yīng)該是付出和索取并存，當(dāng)付出變成單向時(shí)痛苦就開(kāi)始了。Respect yourself, take a call and move on. Don’t invest your time and energy on some unrealistic thought.要尊重你自己，在這段感情中謝幕并繼續(xù)自己的生活。不要把時(shí)間和精力投入到不現(xiàn)實(shí)的想法上。And sorry to say this but the other person is being what he is but you are being an emotional fool. Wake up girl.很抱歉說(shuō)這些，但對(duì)方就是那樣的人，你就是戀愛(ài)中的傻子，醒醒吧姑娘。

 

獲得164好評(píng)的回答@ Lisa：

Run. Run like the wind. A relationship with a narcissist is NOT a relationship! You are an object of convenience to the narcissist. Not a PARTNER. Carefully and privately plan your escape. Or decline to have a life of your own.跑開(kāi)，像風(fēng)一樣跑開(kāi)。和自戀者的戀愛(ài)根本就不算戀愛(ài)！你只是為自戀者提供便利的人，而不是戀人。小心秘密地計(jì)劃你的離開(kāi)，否則你就沒(méi)法擁有自己的生活。That's pretty much the whole of it. If you are truly with a narcissist, the end will be loss of self. The sooner you get into therapy, the better. Or just get out and then find out why you were vulnerable to such a person. I always recommend therapy. But if you can't do that… read a LOT about it before you get into another relationship.差不多就是這樣，如果你真的跟一個(gè)自戀者在一起，結(jié)局就是失去自我。你越早開(kāi)始心理治療越好，或者只是走出這段感情，弄明白為什么你會(huì)受到這個(gè)人的傷害。我總是建議治療，但如果你做不到…在開(kāi)始另外一段感情之前多讀些相關(guān)的東西。It will be hard. But YOU can do hard things….!這很難，但你能克服！

 

（翻譯：菲菲）

(來(lái)源:滬江)