他其實沒那么喜歡你 第29期:不想要"類似約會"

Here's Why This One is Hard, by Liz

這就是這件事難以辦到的原因，莉茲

I hate talking about my feelings. I hate talking aboutmy "relationship."

我討厭談?wù)撐业母星?。我討厭談我?ldquo;戀情”。

I know I'm a chick and chicks are supposed to be allemotional, but I'm not. I don't like it one bit.

我知道我是個姑娘，姑娘應(yīng)該會感情用事，但我不是，我一點兒都不喜歡這樣。

I particularly don't like asking a guy where therelationship is going or how he feels about me. Ew.

我尤其不喜歡問男人我們的感情進展的怎么樣，或是他對我怎么看。惡...

It should be natural and easy and obvious.

它應(yīng)該自然，簡單明了。

So I guess if I have to start thinking and planning and devising all sorts of ways to find outwhat kind of situation I'm in, I'm probably not in that good a situation. Shit.

所以我猜如果我必須開始考慮，計劃和設(shè)想各種方式來求證自己所處的境地，我可能就不會處于一個好的境況了。該死的。

But wait. Starting a new relationship is terrifying.

但是等等，開展一段新戀情太恐怖了。

We are all old enough to have experienced or witnessed the triage of broken romance.

我們都年長到足以經(jīng)歷或見證過破碎戀情的分流。

We know that if there has been a beginning to a relationship, there has been, if we are still outthere dating, always an end to the relationship.

我們知道如果開始了一段戀情，假使繼續(xù)發(fā)展的話，遲早會結(jié)束的。

And the endings always suck.

而且結(jié)束往往很爛。

So of course people, women included, will create all sorts of tricks and diversions anddistractions to try to not notice that we might in fact be getting into a relationship.

所以人們，包括女人，會制造各種假象、娛樂和消遣來試著不去注意自己可能陷入戀情的事實。

That just seems like a very crafty and understandable aspect to human nature.

那貌似是人性狡猾和可以理解的一方面。

So what if in the beginning or awhile into it, it's a little vague?

所以如果一開始或者一段時間后喜歡上了呢，會有一些模糊么?

Who wants to be that crazy girl who needs to know exactly what is going on the minute shemeets a guy?

誰會愿意跟一個才剛見面就想了解確切進展的瘋女孩兒在一起呢?

You want to be the cool girl—the girl who knows how to hang out and not be all demanding.

你想做一個酷女孩兒——知道怎么玩兒，要求不高。

That's who I always wanted to be. That's who I always was.

這就是我一直以來想要成為的人。我也的確是這樣的。

The thing about that cool girl is that she still gets her feelings hurt.

問題在于這個酷女孩兒依舊受到了感情傷害。

She still has reactions to how she's being treated.

她依然對自己遭受的對待有反應(yīng)。

She still hopes he'll call, wonders when she'll get to see him again, and if he's excited aboutbeing with her.

她依然希望他會給她打電話，好奇什么時候能再見面，他跟她在一起會不會感到興奮。

I hate that.

我討厭那樣。

Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I've gotten older.

也許只有我是這樣的，因為隨著年長我優(yōu)先考慮的事改變了。

But now I don't want to be “sort of dating” someone.

但是現(xiàn)在我不想再“類似的約會”某人了。

I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone.

我也不想和某人“類似玩兒”。

I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved.

我不想花費大量的精力來壓抑我的感情來表現(xiàn)的不相關(guān)。

I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they'vealready demonstrated to me that they're trustworthy and honorable—and into me.

我想?yún)⑴c進去。我想跟我知道自己會再見面的人睡覺，因為他們已經(jīng)向我證明了他們值得信賴，可敬而又喜歡我。

Sure, in the beginning you have to be somewhat cautious about how much you give away.

當然，在開始時你必須稍微謹慎于自己付出了多少。

But that caution shouldn't be to make them feel more comfortable; it should be because youknow that you are ultimately a delicate, valuable creature who should be careful anddiscerning about who gets your affection.

但是為了讓他們感覺舒適這種謹慎是不應(yīng)該存在的;存在是因為你知道自己首要是一個雅致的，有價值的生物，應(yīng)該小心考慮接受你感情的人。

That's what I'm doing now. And it's not going so badly.

那就是我正在做的事。而且進展的并不壞。