伍迪單口相聲精選 第23期:在南方Down South

I went in my underwear shorts, and I have varicoseveins. I went as a roadmap.

我穿著短褲就去了，因為我有靜脈曲張，我去的時候就用它作為路線圖。

I figure, what the hell, it's Halloween, I'll go as a ghost.

我想，管它呢，反正是萬圣節(jié)，我打扮成鬼的樣子去好了。

I take a sheet off the bed and I throw it over my head, and I go to the party.

我從床上扯下床單，蒙在我頭上就去參加舞會。

And you have to get the picture, I'm walking down the street in a deep southern town, I have awhite sheet over my head.

你們應該想象一下這樣一幅圖像：我走在南方腹地某個小鎮(zhèn)的大街上，頭上蒙著一張白床單。

And a car pulls up and three guys with white sheets say "Get in".

一輛小車靠過來停下，三個也是蒙著白單子的家伙對我說：“上車吧。”

So I figure there's guys going to the party, as ghosts, and I get into the car, and I see werenot going to the party, and I tell them.

于是我想這幾個家伙也是去參加舞會的，扮成鬼樣。我上了車，我發(fā)覺他們不是去參加舞會，我問他們這是去哪兒。

They say "Well, we have to go pick up the Grand Dragon".

他們說：“我們得去接一下‘大龍’【1】。”

All of a sudden it hits me, down south, white sheets, the Grand Dragon, I put two and twotogether.

突然間我想起來了，南方腹地、白色單子、大龍，我根據(jù)這些事實推斷。

I figure there's a guy going to the party dressed as a dragon.

我推斷出有個家伙要化妝成一條龍去參加舞會。

All of a sudden a big guy enters the car, and I'm sitting there between four clansmen, four big-armed men, and the door's locked, and I'm petrified, I'm trying to pass desperately, y'know,I'm saying "Y'all" and "Grits", y'know, I must have said "grits" fifty times, y'know.

突然一個彪形大漢也上了車，我就坐在四個黨徒中間，四個肌肉發(fā)達的壯漢當中。他們鎖上了車門，我立馬嚇呆了。我拼著命想逃脫，我說：“你們大家”還有“玉米糊”【2】，我一口氣說了50個“玉米糊”。

They ask me a question, and I say "Oh, grits, grits".

他們問我一個問題，我就說：“噢，玉米糊，玉米糊。”

And next to me is the leader of the...you can tell he is the leader, 'cause he's the one wearingcontour sheets, y'know.

我旁邊就坐著他們的黨魁，你可以看出來他就是頭頭，因為只有他穿的是帶有松緊收邊的單子。

And they drive me to an empty field, and I gave myself away, 'cause they asked for donations,and everybody there gave cash.

他們開著車帶我來到一片空曠地，是我自己把自己暴露了，因為他們在捐款，每個人都掏出了現(xiàn)金。

When it came to me, I said "I pledge fifty dollars".

只有問到我時，我說：“我認捐五十美元。”

They knew immediately. They took my hood off and threw a rope around my neck, and theydecided to hang me.

他們即刻識破了我。他們揭下我的頭巾，在我脖子上套了根繩索，他們決定絞死我。

And suddenly my whole life passed before my eyes.

突然地，我整個一生在我眼前閃過。

I saw myself as a kid again, in Kansas, going to school, swimming at the swimming hole, andfishing, frying up a mess-o-catfish, going down to the general store, getting a piece of ginghamfor Emmy-Lou. And I realise it's not my life.

我又看見了小時候的自己，在堪薩斯，我去上學，去溪流中游泳，釣魚，煎一大鍋鯰魚，上雜貨店買東西，給艾米露買了塊格子棉布。我意識到這并不是我的生活。

They're gonna hang me in two minutes, the wrong life is passing before my eyes.

他們兩分鐘后就要絞死我了，可我眼前閃現(xiàn)的卻是別人的生活。

And I spoke to them, and I was really eloquent, I said "Fellas, this country can't survive,unless we love one another regardless of race, creed or colour".

我對他們說，我的話情真意切，我說：“伙計們，這個國家將會走向滅亡，除非我們能彼此關愛，不分種族、信仰、或膚色。”

And they were so moved by my words, not only did they cut me down and let me go, but thatnight, I sold them two thousand dollars worth of Israel Bonds.

他們被我的言語深深打動，他們不僅割斷了繩索放走了我，那天晚上，我還賣給他們價值兩千美元的以色列債券。