致真愛(ài)追求者的一封信

真愛(ài)難覓，能讓最初的心動(dòng)瞬間保存至永久，是多少人夢(mèng)寐以求的呢?尋找真愛(ài)的路上，一路可好?你確定自己在心理和情感上都準(zhǔn)備好接受真愛(ài)的降臨了么?這篇文章，一封公開信，讓你明確自己追愛(ài)的旅途。愿那瞬間的永恒，從此為你所有。

Dear True Love Seeker,

親愛(ài)的真愛(ài)尋求者

，

We must begin with your personal definition of TRUE LOVE. Without that, your search is pointless as the roundabout with no feasible exit for your journey. Don’t race to the dictionary, as the definition lies within your own life philosophy and experience.

我們必須從你們個(gè)人對(duì)真愛(ài)的定義開始。沒(méi)了它，你的尋求便毫無(wú)意義，如同環(huán)形繞道的旅途沒(méi)有出口可走。不要去查字典，因?yàn)檫@定義就在你的人生哲學(xué)和經(jīng)歷之中。

Our adult happiness lies rooted in the soil of our childhood. Instinctively, we bonded to our mothers for survival and eventually understood the protective potential of our fathers. All can agree that our basis of love stems from these early interactions. Rather than bandy about the countless theories concerning “mommy” and “daddy” issues, let’s begin with the idea that you have come to terms with your past and are eager to move forward into your own loving relationship.

我們作為成人的幸福，植根于孩提時(shí)的土壤。為求生存，我們本能地和媽媽親近，而后終于懂得了父親對(duì)我們的保護(hù)。大家都知道，我們的愛(ài)，來(lái)源于這些早期的互動(dòng)。與其散播關(guān)于“媽咪”和“爸比”問(wèn)題的無(wú)數(shù)理論，不如讓我們以這樣的想法開始：你已經(jīng)能夠和自己的過(guò)去共處，并且渴望前進(jìn)步入你自己愛(ài)的關(guān)系。

The best predictor of one’s future behavior is to look at past behavior. By looking at your actions, can you say that you’ve fallen in love with the most important person…yourself? Without arrogance and hubris, do you LOVE the person you have become?

預(yù)測(cè)一個(gè)人未來(lái)行為的最好方法，就是去看其過(guò)去的行為?；仡櫮愕男袆?dòng)，你可以說(shuō)自己已經(jīng)愛(ài)上了最重要的人…你自己么?拋去自大狂妄，你愛(ài)現(xiàn)在的自己么?

1. Love yourself

1.愛(ài)自己

It is impossible to give deep love to another if you don’t hold it within yourself. Bitterness can’t be hidden for long; its flavor will spoil the love you’ve found and set you back onto the repeat cycle of dead end relationships.

如果你的內(nèi)心無(wú)愛(ài)，你是不可能深愛(ài)其他人的?？酀遣荒荛L(zhǎng)久埋藏的;它的味道會(huì)破壞你已經(jīng)尋得的愛(ài)，將你送回關(guān)系死角的循環(huán)圈。

By loving the person you are, you accept your humanity which is made up of inadequacies and accomplishments. The pressure is off then! The person you seek will not have the burden of “fixing” you because you’ve accepted yourself wholly. Having that comfort allows you to be open and accepting of others, and the exchange of emotions can begin.

愛(ài)自己，意味著接受你的人性是欠缺和成就并存的。這樣壓力就沒(méi)了!你尋找的人不會(huì)為了要“拯救”你而心存負(fù)擔(dān)，因?yàn)槟阋呀?jīng)全盤接受了自己。有了那種安慰，你就能放開和接受他人，然后情感交流就可以開始了。

2. Set aside your ego

2.將自我放在一邊

Mutation of oneself to better fit into a relationship is a necessary sacrifice. It certainly does not mean that you have to give up your personal identity, but if the love you seek will be bound in truth, it is a fact that “to receive much, one must give much.”

要更好地融入一段感情，改變自己是必須做的犧牲。這當(dāng)然不是說(shuō)你必須放棄自己的人格，但如果你要尋找的愛(ài)真有限制，事實(shí)就是“想要得到多些，你必須給予多些。”

Setting aside your ego to explore what is best for the couple versus what is best for the individual will be a daily choice. There is a sweet spot that each couple must find which will give them independence but also a level of healthy co-dependence.

把你的自我放在一邊，去探索什么對(duì)兩人最好，這點(diǎn)對(duì)陣什么對(duì)個(gè)人最好的探索，將會(huì)成為每天的選擇。每對(duì)愛(ài)人都必須找到那個(gè)最佳地帶，會(huì)給他們各自獨(dú)立，以及一定程度的健康共存。

3. Be clear with expectations

3.明確期待

You love yourself, you feel you love another, and the couple you have become has great potential. Did both of you come into the relationship with clear expectations?

你愛(ài)自己，你感覺(jué)你愛(ài)另一個(gè)人，且你們兩人的關(guān)系有很大潛力。你們兩人是否對(duì)這段關(guān)系都有明確的期待呢?

If the love is TRUE in the sense that you’re seeking, then the discussions of what you hope your duo will evolve into will not be an issue. Love is vulnerability and if two people cannot be open and supportive of each other’s concerns or expectations, then are you in the kind of love which you seek?

如果這真是你在尋找的真愛(ài)，那么討論你們所希望的兩人未來(lái)的發(fā)展，不會(huì)是什么問(wèn)題。愛(ài)是脆弱的，如果兩人不能開誠(chéng)布公且支持對(duì)方的顧慮和期待，那么你是在自己尋找的愛(ài)情中么?

4. Don’t make promises

4.不要許諾

Although that sounds harsh and against what you may believe encompasses true love, the pressure of a promise can cause an ultimate break. Instead, try expressing yourself with INTENTION. Intention adds the truth to love; humans are weakest when we’ve made ourselves vulnerable. We feed our inner fear when we add the pressure of “I promise to love you forever.”

盡管這聽起來(lái)殘酷，也和你或許期望會(huì)隨真愛(ài)而來(lái)的東西背道而馳，但諾言的壓力卻能導(dǎo)致最后分手。與其如此，不如試著用意向去表達(dá)你自己。意向給愛(ài)加了真實(shí)感;當(dāng)我們讓自己容易被攻擊時(shí)，人就成了最脆弱的。當(dāng)我們給了自己“我保證會(huì)永遠(yuǎn)愛(ài)你”的壓力時(shí)，就是在滋養(yǎng)內(nèi)心的恐懼。

Intellectually, we see that love can’t be perfect because we are imperfect people. Thus, the rantings of heartbroken lovers are as old as mankind. Instead of the fear that “promises are meant to be broken,” embrace the concept that you will “pay attention to the intention.”

理智上，我們知道愛(ài)不會(huì)完美，因?yàn)槲覀儾皇峭耆恕Ｒ蚨?，心碎?ài)人的咆哮是和人類一樣古老的。與其恐懼“諾言就是用來(lái)打破的”，不如去接受你會(huì)“將自己的意向放在心上”這一理念。

5. Check the chemistry

5.確認(rèn)你們的化學(xué)反應(yīng)

TRUE LOVE is based on chemical reactions. Rather than feel deflated by this fact, celebrate it. The hormonal functions that set off “chemistry” between two people aremiraculous.

真愛(ài)是基于化學(xué)反應(yīng)的。與其為這事實(shí)泄氣，不如去慶祝這點(diǎn)。觸動(dòng)兩人之間的化學(xué)反應(yīng)的荷爾蒙作用如奇跡一般。

Preparing yourself mentally and emotionally by taking care of yourself will help you sort through the “love fog” after it lifts and you can then enjoy the benefits of a mutually fulfilling relationship. Those who have celebrated countless happy anniversaries give common advice–true love begins after the initial chemistry has ended. Take the time to learn how your particular chemistry is best kept alive.

照顧好自己，以在心理和情感上做好準(zhǔn)備。這會(huì)在“愛(ài)的迷霧”散開后幫你整理好自己，然后你就能享受一段相互成就的情感帶來(lái)的益處。那些慶祝過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)次幸福紀(jì)念日的人們給出了共同的建議——最初的化學(xué)反應(yīng)結(jié)束后，真愛(ài)就開始了?；ㄐr(shí)間去學(xué)習(xí)怎樣將屬于你的化學(xué)反應(yīng)保存得最好。