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3.A Walk in Amnesia
3.失憶癥之旅
That morning my wife and I said our usual goodbyes. She left her second cup of tea, and she followed me to the front door. She did this every day. She took from my coat a hair which was not there, and she told me to be careful. She always did this. I closed the door, and she went back to her tea.
那天早上我太太和我照常說了再見。她丟下第二杯茶,隨我到了大門口。她天天如此。她從我大衣上摘下一根頭發(fā)——其實那兒并沒頭發(fā)——而且叮囑我當(dāng)心點兒。她老是這樣。我關(guān)上門,她就回去喝她的茶了。
I am a lawyer and I work very hard. My friend, Doctor Volney, told me not to work so hard. 'You'll be ill,' he said. 'A lot of people who work too hard get very tired, and suddenly they forget who they are. They can't remember anything. It's called amnesia. You need a change and a rest.'
我是律師,工作非常勤奮。我的朋友沃爾尼醫(yī)生告訴過我別那么賣命。“你會生病的,”他說,“好多人工作過于勤奮,都累壞了,突然之間就忘了自己是誰。他們什么都記不起來了。這叫失憶癥。你需要點兒變化,休息一下。”
'But I do rest,' I replied. 'On Thursday nights my wife and I play a game of cards, and on Sundays she reads me her weekly letter from her mother.'
“可我是休息了呀,”我回答道,“每禮拜四晚上我太太和我打撲克牌,每個禮拜天她還給我讀她媽媽每周寫來的家信。”
That morning, when I was walking to work, I thought about Doctor Volney's words. I was feeling very well, and pleased with life.
那天早上,我走在上班的路上,想起了沃爾尼醫(yī)生的話。我感覺良好,對生活很滿意。
When I woke up, I was on a train and feeling very uncomfortable after a long sleep. I sat back in my seat and I tried to think. After a long time, I said to myself, 'I must have a name!' I looked in my pockets. No letter. No papers. Nothing with my name on. But I found three thousand dollars. 'I must be someone,' I thought.
我醒來的時候,是在一列火車上,感覺睡了很久,非常不舒服。我靠坐在座位上,努力地思索著。想了很久,我對自己說:“我一定有名字的!”我看看口袋里,沒有信,沒有文件,沒有任何寫著我名字的東西。但我發(fā)現(xiàn)了3,000塊錢。“我一定是什么人。”我想。
The train was crowded with men who were all very friendly. One of them came and sat next to me. 'Hi! My name's R. P. Bolder — Bolder and Son, from Missouri. You're going to the meeting in New York, of course? What's your name?'
火車?yán)飻D滿了人,都很友好。其中一個人挨著我坐下了:“嗨!我叫R.P.博爾德,博爾德父子公司的,從密蘇里來。您是去紐約開那個會的,是吧?您叫什么名字?”
I had to reply to him, so I said quickly, 'Edward Pinkhammer from Cornopolis, Kansas.'
我不得不回答他,所以迅速地說道:“愛德華·平客哈默,從堪薩斯州的科諾伯利斯來。”
He was reading a newspaper, but every few minutes he looked up from it, to talk to me. I understood from his conversation that he was a druggist, and he thought that I was a druggist, too.
他在看報,不過每隔幾分鐘就抬頭跟我說幾句話。我從他的言談中了解到,他是藥劑師,并且認(rèn)為我也是。
'Are all these men druggists?' I asked.
“這些人都是藥劑師嗎?”我問。
'Yes, they are,' he answered. 'Like us, they're all going to the yearly meeting in New York.'
“對,都是,”他答道,“像我們一樣.都是去紐約開那個年會的。”
After a time, he held out his newspaper to me. 'Look at that,' he said. 'Here's another of those men who run away and then say that they have forgotten who they are. A man gets tired of his business and his family, and he wants to have a good time. He goes away somewhere and when they find him, he says that he doesn't know who he is, and that he can't remember anything.'
過了一會兒,他把報紙遞給我。“看看這個,”他說,“又有一個出走的人,說不記得自己是誰了。男人厭倦了工作和家庭,想過得快活點兒。他跑到某個地方去,人們找到他時,他說不知道自己是誰,什么都記不起來了。”
I took the paper and read this:
我接過報紙,讀到了這一段:
Denver, June 12th
丹佛,6月12日
Elwyn C. Bellford, an important lawyer in the town, left home three days ago and has not come back. Just before he left, he took out a lot of money from his bank. Nobody has seen him since that day. He is a quiet man who enjoys his work and is happily married. But Mr Bellford works very hard, and it is possible that he has amnesia.
埃爾溫·C.貝爾福德,本城重要律師,三日前離家,至今未歸。離家之前剛從銀行提取大量現(xiàn)金。自當(dāng)日起,無人再見過他。他生性安靜,熱愛工作,婚姻幸福。但是,貝爾福德先生工作過于勤奮,有可能患了失憶癥。
'But sometimes people do forget who they are, Mr Bolder,' I said.
“不過,有時候人是會忘掉自己是誰的,博爾德先生。”我說。
'Oh, come on!' Mr Bolder answered. 'It's not true, you know! These men just want something more exciting in their lives—another woman, perhaps. Something different.'
“啊,算了吧!”博爾德先生答道,“您要知道,不是這樣的!這些男人不過是想給生活添點兒刺激——找別的女人什么的。找點兒不一樣的東西。”
We arrived in New York at about ten o'clock at night. I took a taxi to a hotel, and I wrote the name, 'Edward Pinkhammer', in the hotel book. Suddenly I felt wild and happy—I was free. A man without a name can do anything.
我們大約是晚上10點鐘到了紐約。我乘出租車到了一家酒店,在登記簿上寫下姓名“愛德華·平客哈默”。突然之間,我覺得激動又快活——我自由了。一個人連名字都沒有,想干什么都成啊。
The young man behind the desk at the hotel looked at me a little strangely. I had no suitcase.
酒店前臺的年輕人有點兒奇怪地看著我。我沒有行李。
'I'm here for the Druggists' Meeting,' I said. 'My suitcase is lost.' I took out some money and gave it to him.
“我是來開‘藥劑師大會’的,”我說,“我的行李丟了。”我拿出一些錢來交給他。
The next day I bought a suitcase and some clothes and I began to live the life of Edward Pinkhammer. I didn't try to remember who or what I was.
第二天,我買了個行李箱,還有一些衣物,開始以愛德華·平客哈默的名義生活。我并沒有想法子去回憶自己到底是誰,是干什么的。
The next few days in Manhattan were wonderful—the theatres, the gardens, the music, the restaurants, the night life, the beautiful girls. And during this time I learned something very important—if you want to be happy, you must be free.
接下來在曼哈頓的一段日子真是妙極了——劇院、花園、音樂、餐館、夜生活,還有漂亮姑娘。而且在這段時間里,我悟到了很重要的一點——要想快活,就得自由才行。
Sometimes I went to quiet, expensive restaurants with soft music. Sometimes I went on the river in boats full of noisy young men and their girlfriends. And then there was Broadway, with its theatres and bright lights.
有時候我會去安靜而豪華的餐館,聽聽輕音樂。有時候我乘船在河上游玩,船上滿是鬧哄哄的帶著女朋友的年輕人。再有就是會去百老匯,那里劇院眾多,燈火通明。
One afternoon I was going back into my hotel when a fat man came and stood in front of me.
一天下午,我剛回到酒店,一個胖胖的男人跑過來,在我面前站住了。
'Hello, Bellford!' he cried loudly. 'What are you doing in New York? Is Mrs B. with you?'
“您好,貝爾福德!”他大聲叫道,“您在紐約干什么?貝爾福德太太跟您一起來了嗎?”
'I'm sorry, but you're making a mistake, sir,' I said coldly. 'My name is Pinkhammer. Please excuse me.'
“抱歉,您弄錯了,先生,”我冷冷地說,“我叫平客哈默。請原諒。”
The man moved away, in surprise, and I walked over to the desk. Behind me, the man said something about a telephone.
那人走開了,驚訝不已。我走到前臺,那個人在我背后講了些關(guān)于電話的事情。
'Give me my bill,' I said to the man behind the desk, 'and bring down my suitcase in half an hour.'
“給我賬單,”我對前臺的人說,“半小時之內(nèi)把我的行李取下來。”
That afternoon I moved to a quiet little hotel on Fifth Avenue.
那天下午我搬到了一家安靜的小酒店,在第五大道上。
One afternoon, in one of my favourite restaurants on Broadway, I was going to my table when somebody pulled my arm.
一天下午,在百老匯我最鐘愛的一家餐館里,當(dāng)我往桌子那兒走的時候,有人拉住了我的手臂。
'Mr Bellford,' a sweet voice cried.
“貝爾福德先生。”一個甜美的聲音叫道。
I turned quickly and saw a woman who was sitting alone. She was about thirty and she had very beautiful eyes.
我迅速轉(zhuǎn)過身來,看到一個女人獨自坐著。她大約三十歲,長著一雙美麗的眼睛。
'How can you walk past me like that?' she said. 'Didn't you know me?'
“你怎么能就這么從我身邊走過了呢?”她說,“不認(rèn)識我了么?”
I sat down at her table. Her hair was a beautiful redgold colour.
我在她的桌旁坐下。她的頭發(fā)是美麗的紅金色。
'Are you sure you know me?' I asked.
“您確信您認(rèn)識我?”我問。
'No.' She smiled. 'I never really knew you.'
“不,”她微微一笑,“我從來不曾真的認(rèn)識過你。”
'Well, my name is Edward Pinkhammer,' I said, 'and I'm from Kansas.'
“好吧,我叫愛德華·平客哈默,”我說,“我是堪薩斯人。”
'So, you haven't brought Mrs Bellford with you, then,' she said, and she laughed. 'You haven't changed much in fifteen years, Elwyn.'
“那么說,您沒帶貝爾福德太太一起來嘍,”她說著笑了起來,“十五年了,你沒怎么變呢,埃爾溫。”
Her wonderful eyes looked carefully at my face.
她那動人的眼睛仔細(xì)端詳著我的臉。
'No,' she said quietly, 'you haven't forgotten. I told you that you could never forget.'
“不,”她輕輕地說,“你沒有忘。我跟你說過,你永遠(yuǎn)都忘不了的。”
'I'm sorry,' I answered, 'but that's the trouble. I have forgotten. I've forgotten everything.'
“抱歉,”我答道,“不過問題在于,我已經(jīng)忘了。我什么都忘掉了。”
She laughed. 'Did you know that I married six months after you did? It was in all the newspapers.' She was silent for a minute. Then she looked up at me again. 'Tell me one thing, Elwyn,' she said softly. 'Since that night fifteen years ago, can you touch, smell, or look at white roses—and not think of me?'
她笑起來。“你知道嗎?你結(jié)婚六個月之后我也結(jié)婚了。報上都登了。”她沉默了一分鐘,然后又抬頭看著我。“告訴我一件事,埃爾溫,”她柔聲說,“從十五年前的那個晚上之后,你能在觸摸、聞到,或是看到白玫瑰時而不想到我嗎?”
'I can only say that I don't remember any of this,' I said carefully. 'I'm very sorry.' I tried to look away from her.
“我只能說我什么都記不得了,”我謹(jǐn)慎地說,“非常抱歉。”我努力不去看她。
She smiled and stood up to leave. Then she held out her hand to me, and I took it for a second. 'Oh yes, you remember,' she said, with a sweet, unhappy smile.
她微笑著起身要走,然后伸出一只手給我,我握了一秒鐘。“哦,是的,你想起來了。”她說,笑容甜美,殊無歡意。
'Goodbye, Elwyn Bellford.'
“再見,埃爾溫·貝爾福德。”
That night I went to the theatre and when I returned to my hotel, a quiet man in dark clothes was waiting for me.
那天晚上我去看戲,回到酒店的時候,一位溫和的黑衣男人在等我。
'Mr Pinkhammer,' he said, 'can I speak with you for a minute? There's a room here.'
“平客哈默先生,”他說,“我能跟您談一分鐘嗎?這邊有個房間。”
I followed him into a small room. A man and a woman were there. The woman was still beautiful, but her face was unhappy and tired. I liked everything about her. The man, who was about forty, came to meet me.
我隨他進(jìn)了一個小房間。那兒有一男一女。女的依然很美,可是愁容滿面,一臉疲憊。她周身上下我都喜歡。那位男的約有四十許,起來迎接我。
'Bellford,' he said, 'I'm happy to see you again. I told you that you were working too hard. Now you can come home with us. You'll soon be all right.'
“貝爾福德,”他說,“我很高興再次見到你。我跟你說過,你勤奮得過了頭?,F(xiàn)在你可以跟我們回家了。你很快會好起來的。”
'My name', I said, 'is Edward Pinkhammer. I've never seen you before in my life.'
“我的名字是愛德華·平客哈默。我有生以來從沒見過你。”我說道。
The woman cried out, 'Oh, Elwyn! Elwyn! I'm your wife!' She put her arms round me, but I pushed them away.
那位女士喊道:“哦,埃爾溫!埃爾溫!我是你的妻子!”她伸出雙臂摟住我,但我把她的手推開了。
'Oh, Doctor Volney! What is the matter with him?' the woman cried.
“哦,沃爾尼醫(yī)生!他這是怎么啦?”那女士叫道。
'Go to your room,' the doctor said to her. 'He'll soon be well again.'
“您回房間去吧,”醫(yī)生對她說,“他很快會好起來的。”
The woman left, and so did the man in the dark clothes. The man who was a doctor turned to me and said quietly, 'Listen. Your name is not Edward Pinkhammer.'
那位女士走了,黑衣男人也走了。那位醫(yī)生轉(zhuǎn)過身沖著我平靜地說:“聽著,你的名字不是愛德華·平客哈默。”
'I know that,' I replied, 'but a man must have a name. Why not Pinkhammer?'
“我知道,”我回答說,“但是人總得有個名字。為什么不能叫平客哈默?”
'Your name', the doctor said, 'is Elwyn Bellford. You are one of the best lawyers in Denver—and that woman is your wife.'
“你的名字,”那醫(yī)生說,“是埃爾溫·貝爾福德。你是丹佛最好的律師之一——而那位女士是你的妻子。”
'She's a very fine woman,' I said, after a minute. 'I love the colour of her hair.'
“她是個漂亮女人,”我停了一分鐘說,“我喜歡她頭發(fā)的顏色。”
'She's a very good wife,' the doctor replied. 'When you left two weeks ago, she was very unhappy. Then we had a telephone call from a man who saw you in a hotel here.'
“她是個好妻子,”醫(yī)生回答說,“你兩個禮拜前離開,她難過極了。后來我們接到一個電話,是一個男人打來的,說在此地的一家酒店看到了你。”
'I think I remember him,' I said. 'He called me "Bellford". Excuse me, but who are you?'
“我想我記得他,”我說,“他叫我‘貝爾福德’。請原諒,可你是誰?”
'I'm Bobby Volney. I've been your friend for twenty years, and your doctor for fifteen years. Elwyn, try to remember.'
“我是博比·沃爾尼。我是你二十年的老朋友,給你當(dāng)了十五年的醫(yī)生。埃爾溫,試著回憶一下吧。”
'You say you're a doctor,' I said. 'How can I get better? Does amnesia go slowly or suddenly?'
“你說你是醫(yī)生,”我說,“我怎么才能好起來呢?失憶癥是慢慢康復(fù),還是突然好轉(zhuǎn)的?”
'Sometimes slowly. Sometimes suddenly.'
“有時很慢,有時突然就好了。”
'Will you help me, Doctor Volney?' I asked.
“沃爾尼醫(yī)生,你會幫助我嗎?”我問。
'Old friend,' he said, 'I'll do everything possible.'
“老朋友,”他說。“我會竭盡全力的。”
'Very well. And if you're my doctor, you can't tell anybody what I say.'
“很好。而且如果你是我的醫(yī)生,你不能把我的話告訴任何人。”
'Of course not,' Doctor Volney answered.
“當(dāng)然不會。”沃爾尼醫(yī)生答道。
I stood up. There were some white roses on the table. I went over to the table, picked up the roses and threw them far out of the window. Then I sat down again.
我站了起來。桌上有些白玫瑰。我走到桌前,抄起玫瑰,從窗口遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地扔出去。然后我重新坐下來。
'I think it will be best, Bobby,' I said, 'to get better suddenly. I'm a little tired of it all now. Go and bring my wife Marian in now. But, oh, Doctor,' I said with a happy smile. 'Oh, my good old friend—it was wonderful!'
“我想最好是,博比,”我說,“突然好起來吧?,F(xiàn)在我對這一切有點厭倦了。現(xiàn)在去叫我妻子瑪麗安進(jìn)來吧。不過,哦,醫(yī)生,”我開心地笑著說,“啊,我的老朋友,這真是太妙了!”