聽(tīng)美劇學(xué)英語(yǔ)·破產(chǎn)姐妹第二季 第308期:阿憨給卡洛琳按摩

Max, I've thought a lot about it,

麥克斯，我想了很多，

and I can't sit there while that woman waves my father's penis in Piers Morgan's face.

我不能讓那女人就這么在主持人面前談我爸的雞雞。

You're lucky it's not Anderson Cooper, 'cause he'd be giggling up a storm.

你該慶幸這主持人不是安德森·庫(kù)珀，因?yàn)樗隙〞?huì)笑得花枝亂顫。

I have a plan. My goal on this show is gonna be to discredit that woman

我有個(gè)計(jì)劃。我上節(jié)目就是要證明那女人的話(huà)是假的，

and tell people, even though my father did a bad thing, he did some wonderful things as well.

而且要告訴大眾，雖然我爸爸做過(guò)壞事，但其實(shí)他也做過(guò)很多好事。

Look, here he is working with UNICEF. Here he is rebuilding haiti.

這是他在聯(lián)合國(guó)兒童基金會(huì)幫忙。這是他幫忙海地災(zāi)民重建家園。

Oh, this is just a cute picture of him water-skiing at a charity event on Lake Tahoe.

這張只是一張他玩劃水的帥照，是在太浩湖的慈善活動(dòng)上呢。

What's the charity? White men without golf clubs?

給沒(méi)錢(qián)買(mǎi)高爾夫球桿的白人募款嗎？

So that's my plan, and hopefully, going on that show will put an end to all these ridiculous rumors about my father.

反正我是那么計(jì)劃的啦，希望上完節(jié)目后，能讓坊間關(guān)于我爸的謠言停止。

Hey, Caroline. Yeah. The word on the street is your dad's got a weenis.

卡洛琳。耶。外面都在傳你爸有只"小小鳥(niǎo)"。

Sophie, how did you hear about that?

蘇菲，你上哪聽(tīng)來(lái)的？

Oleg told me.

奧列格告訴我的。

It came up on my Google penis alerts. I like to keep current, see what the trends are.

消息出現(xiàn)在我的谷歌雞雞搜索警報(bào)。我喜歡在時(shí)事尖端，跟隨流行"雞"態(tài)。

You don't want to be that middle-aged guy wearing the same penis you had in high school.

你也不會(huì)想當(dāng)一個(gè)長(zhǎng)著別人多年前就有的同款雞雞的中年男子吧。

Great, now, it's all over the internet. And my shoulders are all up around my ears.

這下好了，網(wǎng)上傳遍了。我肩膀都聳起來(lái)到我耳旁了。

Look, I'm too tense to even shake my head "no" at that liar woman, which was gonna be my key move.

你看，緊張到都沒(méi)辦法對(duì)那女騙子搖頭反對(duì)了，這可是我最重要的動(dòng)作呢。

I need a massage, but I'm broke.

我好需要按摩，但我又沒(méi)錢(qián)去。

Caroline, I'll give you a massage.

卡洛琳，我可以幫你按摩啊。

Get ready for a sad ending. And beginning, and middle.

準(zhǔn)備好迎接失望的結(jié)尾。還有失望的開(kāi)頭以及過(guò)程。

There. Oh, yeah. How does that feel?

來(lái)啦。爽吧。感覺(jué)如何??？

Like baby spiders are dancing on my shoulders.

感覺(jué)像小蜘蛛在我肩膀上跳舞。

You're the first Asian I've seen that can't give a massage.

你是我見(jiàn)過(guò)第一個(gè)不會(huì)按摩的亞洲人。

Hey, Caroline, I'll treat you and Max to a massage at my fancy spa.

卡洛琳，我請(qǐng)你跟麥克斯去我那家高檔美容院按摩吧。

Cool! I've never been to a spa.

好??！我從沒(méi)去過(guò)呢。

The closest I've been is sticking my arm in the free blood pressure machine at Walgreens.

我做過(guò)最接近按摩的事也就是把手臂伸進(jìn)藥局里的血壓測(cè)量計(jì)。

Wait, that's for your arm?

等等，那是給手臂用的嗎？

Thanks for the massage, Han.

謝謝你幫我按摩，阿憨 。

It was very nice... Oh, you're still doing it. I had no idea.

你人真好...你還在按啊。我完全沒(méi)感覺(jué)。