書(shū)蟲(chóng)1級(jí)《都是管家惹的禍》都是管家惹的禍
- 英文
- 重點(diǎn)詞匯
- 中文
The Butler Did It
INTRODUCTION
Henry Fletcher is working in his office. He is thinking about his wife. What's she doing at the moment? Has she got a boyfriend? Perhaps she has, perhaps she hasn't. Is she with her lover now? He wants to know! So he phones home. But only James, the butler, answers...
CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY
James, a butler
Henry Fletcher, a husband
PERFORMANCE NOTES
There are two rooms on the stage, with a wall between them. One is a dining room, where James the butler is getting the table ready for dinner. There is a telephone in the room. The other room is an office, where Henry Fletcher is working. He is sitting in front of his computer, but he isn't looking at it. He is making a phone call.
You will need two telephones and a gun.
The plumber's name, Blessiu, sounds like 'Bless you!' which is what we often say when someone sneezes.
The phone rings in the dining room. James stops work and answers it.
JAMES
Hello.
HENRY
Hello, is that James, the butler?
JAMES
Yes, sir, it is.
HENRY
James, is my wife at home?
JAMES
Yes, sir.
HENRY
Good. Can you bring her to the phone? I want to speak to her at once. Be quick!
JAMES
Very good, sir. So you want me to bring your wife to the phone. Is that right, sir?
HENRY
Yes, yes, James. Now just go and do it. (James goes off slowly. Henry speaks to himself.) My wife's got a lover, I think. But I must know! What's James doing? And where's my wife?
James comes back slowly and speaks into the phone.
JAMES
Hello, sir. James speaking.
HENRY
Hello, James. So where's my wife?
JAMES
Your wife is at home, sir, but she can't speak to you at the moment, I'm afraid.
HENRY
She can't speak to me! My wife can't speak to me! Why not?
JAMES
Well, sir, she's in the bathroom...
HENRY
In the bathroom!
JAMES
...with a man.
HENRY
(Putting a hand to his head) With a man!
JAMES
But don't worry, sir, it's only Mr Blessiu, the plumber. He's working in the bathroom.
HENRY
(Not listening, speaking to himself) She's in the bathroom with her boyfriend! I knew it! James, can you do something for me?
JAMES
Of course, sir.
HENRY
Go into my bedroom, and find the box under my bed. In that box there's a gun. Take it out, James.
JAMES
Very good, sir. You want me to go into your bedroom, find the box under your bed, and take out the gun. Is that right, sir?
HENRY
Yes, James, yes! Just go and do it.
James goes off slowly. Henry speaks to himself.
HENRY
I knew it! My wife's got a lover! But soon James is going to come back with that gun, and then...
James comes back with the gun.
JAMES
(Into the phone) Hello, sir, James here.
HENRY
Hello, James. Have you got the gun?
JAMES
Yes, sir. I went into your bedroom, found the box under your bed, and took out the gun. I have it with me now, sir.
HENRY
Right, James. Now listen carefully.
JAMES
I'm listening very carefully, sir.
Hello, sir, James here.'
HENRY
Go into the bathroom...
JAMES
Yes, sir.
HENRY
...with the gun...
JAMES
Yes, sir.
HENRY
...and shoot my wife through the head.
JAMES
Yes, sir.
HENRY
And the man in the bathroom with her, James, shoot him through the head too. (He sneezes.)
JAMES
Blessiu, sir?
HENRY
Thank you, James. Now, James, do you understand what to do?
JAMES
Yes, sir. You want me to go into the bathroom with the gun, shoot your wife through the head, and shoot the man with her through the head, too, sir. (He sneezes.)
HENRY
Bless you, James!
JAMES
That's right, sir.
HENRY
Very good, James. Well, just go and do it.
James goes off. We hear two gun shots.
HENRY
(Looking pleased and smiling to himself) Aha! Good old James! Well done!
James comes back slowly, without the gun.
JAMES
(Into the phone) Hello, sir. Did you hear the shots, sir?
Did you hear the shots, sir?'
HENRY
Yes, James, I did. Is everything all right?
JAMES
Oh yes, sir. I went into the bathroom with the gun, and I shot your wife through the head, and I shot the man with her through the head, too.
He sneezes.
HENRY
Bless you, James!
JAMES
That's right, sir.
HENRY
Right, and are the two of them dead, James?
JAMES
Oh yes, sir.
HENRY
Very good, James. Oh, and James...
JAMES
Yes, sir?
HENRY
What did you do with the gun?
JAMES
The gun, sir?
HENRY
Yes, James, the gun. What did you do with it?
JAMES
Ah, yes, sir. I put it in the swimming pool.
HENRY
The swimming pool, James?
JAMES
The swimming pool in the back garden, sir.
HENRY
(Looking afraid) But we haven't got a swimming pool in our back garden!
Nobody says anything for a moment.
JAMES
Oh, I see. Well, then, you've got the wrong number, I'm afraid, sir. Goodbye.
HENRY
Oh, I – er – Goodbye.
James goes back to his work, getting the table ready for dinner. He is smiling and singing quietly to himself.
Henry sits in his chair, with a very white face.
butler n. a man who works in another person's house, and takes special care of his employer's clothes, food and wine 管家
at once without delay 馬上
I'm afraid used to politely tell someone something that may annoy, upset, or disappoint them 恐怕
plumber n. someone whose job is to repair water pipes, baths, toilets etc 管道工
carefully adv. in a way trying to avoid missing something 仔細(xì)地
shoot v. to send a bullet from a gun to hurt or kill someone 開(kāi)槍
sneeze v. to suddenly send out air from your nose and mouth 打噴嚏
pleased adj. happy or satisfied 滿意的，高興的
都是管家惹的禍
內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介
亨利·弗萊徹正在辦公室上班。他正想著他妻子——她這會(huì)兒在做什么？她有沒(méi)有情人？或許她有，或許她沒(méi)有。她現(xiàn)在會(huì)不會(huì)正跟她的情人在一起？他想知道！于是他往家里打電話，可接電話的是管家詹姆斯……
劇中人物
詹姆斯，管家
亨利·弗萊徹，丈夫
場(chǎng)景說(shuō)明
舞臺(tái)上有兩個(gè)房間，由一堵墻隔開(kāi)。一間是飯廳，管家詹姆斯正在往餐桌上擺放餐具，為晚餐做準(zhǔn)備。房間里有一部電話。另一個(gè)房間是辦公室，亨利·弗萊徹正在里面工作。他坐在電腦前，但沒(méi)有看電腦，而是在打電話。
準(zhǔn)備兩部電話和一把槍。
管道工的名字是布萊修，聽(tīng)起來(lái)就像“Bless you!（上帝保佑你?。?。有人打噴嚏時(shí)，我們常常說(shuō)這句話。
（本劇本為荒誕題材作品）
飯廳里的電話響起來(lái)。詹姆斯停下手里的活兒去接電話。
詹姆斯：
喂。
亨利：
喂，是管家詹姆斯嗎？
詹姆斯：
是的，先生，是我。
亨利：
詹姆斯，我妻子在家嗎？
詹姆斯：
在，先生。
亨利：
很好。你能讓她來(lái)接電話嗎？我想馬上跟她講話?？禳c(diǎn)兒！
詹姆斯：
好的，先生。您是讓我去請(qǐng)您妻子來(lái)接電話，對(duì)嗎，先生？
亨利：
對(duì)，對(duì)，詹姆斯?，F(xiàn)在就去叫她來(lái)。（詹姆斯慢條斯理地下場(chǎng)。亨利自言自語(yǔ)。）我覺(jué)得我妻子有個(gè)情人。不過(guò)我得弄清楚！詹姆斯在干什么？我妻子在哪兒呢？
詹姆斯慢條斯理地走回來(lái)，接起電話。
詹姆斯：
喂，先生。我是詹姆斯。
亨利：
喂，詹姆斯。我妻子在哪兒？
詹姆斯：
您妻子在家，先生，但是恐怕現(xiàn)在不能跟您講話。
亨利：
她不能跟我講話！我妻子不能跟我講話！為什么不能？
詹姆斯：
呃，先生，她在衛(wèi)生間……
亨利：
在衛(wèi)生間！
詹姆斯：
……跟一個(gè)男人在一起。
亨利：
（以手撫頭）跟一個(gè)男人在一起！
詹姆斯：
不過(guò)別擔(dān)心，先生，那個(gè)人是管道工布萊修先生。他正在衛(wèi)生間干活兒。
亨利：
（沒(méi)聽(tīng)電話，自言自語(yǔ)）她跟她的情人在衛(wèi)生間里！我就知道！詹姆斯，你能替我做件事嗎？
詹姆斯：
當(dāng)然，先生。
亨利：
去我的臥室，把我床下的盒子找出來(lái)。盒子里有把槍，把它拿出來(lái)，詹姆斯。
詹姆斯：
好的，先生。您要我去您的臥室，找到您床下的盒子，把里面的槍拿出來(lái)，是嗎，先生？
亨利：
是的，詹姆斯，是的！現(xiàn)在就去拿！
詹姆斯慢條斯理地下場(chǎng)。亨利自言自語(yǔ)。
亨利：
我就知道！我妻子有了情人！不過(guò)很快詹姆斯就會(huì)拿著槍回來(lái)，然后……
詹姆斯拿著槍回來(lái)了。
詹姆斯：
（對(duì)著電話）喂，先生，我是詹姆斯。
亨利：
喂，詹姆斯，你拿到槍了嗎？
詹姆斯：
拿到了，先生。我進(jìn)了您的臥室，在您床下找到了那個(gè)盒子，把槍拿出來(lái)了。我現(xiàn)在就拿著槍呢，先生。
亨利：
好的，詹姆斯?，F(xiàn)在聽(tīng)好了。
詹姆斯：
我在仔細(xì)聽(tīng)著呢，先生。
亨利：
去衛(wèi)生間……
詹姆斯：
好的，先生。
亨利：
……帶著槍……
詹姆斯：
好的，先生。
亨利：
……朝我妻子頭上開(kāi)一槍。
詹姆斯：
好的，先生。
亨利：
還有那個(gè)跟她一起在衛(wèi)生間的人，詹姆斯，朝他頭上也開(kāi)一槍。（他打了個(gè)噴嚏。）
詹姆斯：
布萊修，先生？
亨利：
謝謝，詹姆斯。［譯者注：亨利以為詹姆斯說(shuō)的是“Bless you.（上帝保佑你。）”。］現(xiàn)在，詹姆斯，你明白要做什么了嗎？
詹姆斯：
明白了，先生。您要我拿著槍到衛(wèi)生間去，朝您妻子的頭上開(kāi)一槍，再朝那個(gè)跟她在一起的男人頭上開(kāi)一槍，先生。（他打了噴嚏。）
亨利：
上帝保佑你，詹姆斯！
詹姆斯：
是的，先生。［譯者注：詹姆斯以為亨利說(shuō)的是“Blessiu（布萊修）”。］
亨利：
很好，詹姆斯。好了，去干吧。
詹姆斯下。我們聽(tīng)到兩聲槍響。
亨利：
（看上去很滿意，暗自笑了笑）啊哈！好樣的詹姆斯！干得好！
詹姆斯慢條斯理地回來(lái)了，手里沒(méi)有拿槍。
詹姆斯：
（對(duì)著電話）喂，先生。您聽(tīng)到槍響了嗎，先生？
亨利：
聽(tīng)到了，詹姆斯，我聽(tīng)到了。一切都順利嗎？
詹姆斯：
哦，是的，先生。我拿著槍進(jìn)了衛(wèi)生間，朝您妻子頭上開(kāi)了一槍，又朝那個(gè)跟她在一起的男人頭上開(kāi)了一槍。
他打了個(gè)噴嚏。
亨利：
上帝保佑你，詹姆斯！
詹姆斯：
是的，先生。［譯者注：詹姆斯以為亨利說(shuō)的是“Blessiu（布萊修）”。］
亨利：
好的，他們倆都死了嗎，詹姆斯？
詹姆斯：
哦，是的，先生。
亨利：
很好，詹姆斯。哦，對(duì)了，詹姆斯……
詹姆斯：
什么事，先生？
亨利：
你怎么處理那把槍的？
詹姆斯：
那把槍嗎，先生？
亨利：
是的，詹姆斯，那把槍。你是怎么處理它的？
詹姆斯：
啊，對(duì)了，先生，我把它放到游泳池里了。
亨利：
游泳池嗎，詹姆斯？
詹姆斯：
后花園里的游泳池，先生。
亨利：
（面露懼色）可是我們后花園里沒(méi)有游泳池??！
兩人沉默了片刻。
詹姆斯：
哦，我明白了。好吧，那么恐怕您打錯(cuò)電話了，先生。再見(jiàn)。
亨利：
哦，我——呃——再見(jiàn)。
詹姆斯繼續(xù)干活兒，往餐桌上擺放餐具。他面露微笑，輕輕哼著歌。亨利則坐在椅子上，面色慘白。
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