新視野大學英語讀寫教程第四冊unit1-c The Positive Meanings of Love
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The Positive Meanings of Love
We'd like to share some of the positive meanings love has for us. Love means that I know the person I love.
I'm aware of the many sides of the other person — not just the beautiful side but also the limitations, inconsistencies and faults. I have an awareness of the other's feelings and thoughts, and I experience something of the core of that person. I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person on a deeper level.
Love means that I care about the welfare of the person I love. To the extent that it is genuine, my caring is not possessive, nor does it hold the other person back. On the contrary, my caring frees both of us.
If I care about you, I'm concerned about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you can become. Consequently, I don't put up obstacles to what you do that enhances you as a person, even though it may result in my discomfort at times. Love means having respect for the dignity of the person I love.
If I love you, I can see you as a separate person, with your own values and thoughts and feelings, and I do not insist that you surrender your identity to match an image of what I expect you to be for me.
I can allow and encourage you to stand alone and to be who you are, and I avoid treating you as an object or using you primarily to satisfy my own needs. Love means having a responsibility toward the person I love. If I love you, I respond to most of your major needs as a person.
This responsibility does not include my doing for you what you are capable of doing for yourself; nor does it mean that I run your life for you. It does mean acknowledging that what I am and what I do affects you, so that I am directly involved in your happiness and your suffering.
A lover does have the capacity to hurt or ignore the loved one, and in this sense we see that love involves an acceptance of some responsibility for the impact my way of being has on you. Love means making a commitment to the person I love.
This commitment does not mean surrendering our total selves to each other; nor does it imply that the relationship is necessarily permanent. It does involve a willingness to stay with each other in times of pain, struggle, and despair, as well as in times of calm and enjoyment. Love means trusting the person I love.
If I love you, I trust that you will accept my caring and my love and that you won't deliberately hurt me. I trust that you will find me attractive, and that you won't abandon me; I trust the mutual nature of our love.
If we trust each other, we are willing to be open to each other and reveal our true selves. Love can tolerate imperfection. In a love relationship there are times when I am bored, times when I may feel like giving up, times of real strain, and times I feel I can't move forward. Authentic love does not imply enduring happiness.
I can stay during rough times, however, because I can remember what we had together in the past, and I can picture what we will have together in our future if we care enough to face our problems and work them through. We agree with the idea that love is a spirit that changes life.
Love is a way of life that is creative and that transforms. However, love is not reserved for a perfect world. Love is meant for our imperfect world where things go wrong. Love is meant to be a spirit that works in painful situations. Love is meant to bring meaning into life where nonsense appears to rule.
In other words, love comes into an imperfect world to make it possible to live. Love is open. If I love you, I encourage you to reach out and develop other relationships. Although our love for each other and our commitment to each other might prohibit certain actions on our parts, we are not totally and exclusively married to each other.
It is a false love that cements one person to another in such a way that he or she is not given room to grow. Love is selfish. I can only love you if I genuinely love, value, appreciate, and respect myself. If I am empty, then all I can give you is my emptiness.
If I feel that I'm complete and worthwhile in myself, then I'm able to give to you out of my fullness. One of the best ways for me to give you love is by fully enjoying myself with you. Love involves seeing the potential within the person we love.
In my love for another, I view her or him as the person she or he can become, while still accepting who and what the person is now. By taking people as they are, we make them worse, but by treating them as if they already were what they ought to be, we help make them better. To sum it up, mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's individuality. In love, two beings become one and yet remain two.
愛的真諦
我們想與大家一起分享我們對愛情的一些積極看法。
愛就意味著了解所愛之人。 能夠認識到這個人的各個方面 -- 不僅僅是美好的一面，還有他的局限，他的矛盾之處，他的缺點。 要看到這個人的情感、思想，感受他的內心。 要能夠透過他在社交場合的表現(xiàn)和他的社會角色而看到他的內心深處。
愛就意味著關心所愛之人的幸福。 真正的愛不是占有，也不是束縛。 相反，兩人都在愛中得到自由。 關心一個人就是關心他的成長，希望他可以盡其所能有所成就。 因此，我不會為他的個人發(fā)展設置障礙，即使這樣有時會給我?guī)聿槐恪?br />
愛就意味著尊重所愛之人。 愛一個人，就是將其視作一個獨立的人，有自己的價值觀、思想和感情。 我不會為了自己而堅持要他放棄個性來變成我所希望的他。 我能允許，也鼓勵他與眾不同，成為他自己。 我不會視他為物，或利用他來滿足自己的需要。
愛就意味著對所愛之人負責。 愛一個人，就要對他作為獨立個體的需求做出回應。 這種負責并非替他做他可以自己做到的事，也不是操縱他的生活。 這種負責是承認我的所作所為會影響到他，他的歡樂痛苦都與我休戚相關。 相愛者的確會傷害或忽略所愛的人。 從這個意義上說，我們認為，愛就要為自己的行為對對方產生的影響承擔某種責任。
愛就意味著對所愛之人做出承諾。 這種承諾并非意味著完全把自己交給對方，也并不是說這一關系一定要永遠不變。 這種承諾意味著不論在恬適歡樂時，還是在艱難困苦、失意絕望時，都愿意廝守相伴。
愛就意味著信賴所愛之人。 愛一個人，就要相信他會接受我的關心，接受我的愛，相信他不會故意傷害我； 相信自己對他有吸引力，相信他不會拋棄我；相信愛是相互的。 如果我們彼此信賴，我們就愿彼此開誠布公，敞開心扉。
愛能夠容忍不完美。 愛人之間也會有時感到厭煩，有時想放棄，有時感到壓力，有時感到羈絆。 真正的愛并不意味著永遠幸福。 但是，在困難時期我能堅守，因為我仍記得我們共同渡過的往昔，我也能想像如果我們愿意直面問題、渡過難關，我們將共同擁有什么樣的未來。 我們一致認為愛是一種精神，它能改變人生。 愛是一種生活方式，它具有創(chuàng)造和改變的力量。 但是愛并不只是完美世界所獨有， 愛本來就是為我們這個不完美、有缺陷的世界而存在的。 愛應該是一種能緩解痛苦的精神力量。 愛應該給我們這充滿荒謬的生活帶來意義。 換言之，是愛使我們能夠在這不完美的世界上生活下去。
愛是包容的。 愛一個人，就要鼓勵其與他人建立聯(lián)系。 盡管對彼此的愛與承諾不允許我們有某些行為，這種結合也不是全然排他的。 兩個人密不可分，再無其他發(fā)展的余地，這樣的愛是不真實、不明智的。
愛又是自私的。 只有真正自愛自重、自賞自尊，才能愛別人。 如果自己空虛，那么我能給所愛之人的也只有空虛。 如果認為自己是完滿的、出色的，那么我就能以自己的充實為所愛之人增光。 表達愛的最好方法之一就是與所愛之人一起充分體驗自己。
愛就要看到所愛之人的內在潛力。 愛一個人，愛她/他今日之所作所為，也要視其所能為。 視人靜止不變，則令其退步，而視其進步發(fā)展、待他如同他的潛力已經發(fā)揮，則助其進步。
歸根結底，成熟的愛就是保持個性條件下的雙方結合。 兩個人由于愛合二為一，又仍是兩個獨立的個體。
