絕望的主婦第一季第一集

[00:00.00] [00:12.80] [00:14.80]My name is Mary Alice Young. [00:17.39] [00:17.39]When you read this morning's paper, you may come across an article [00:20.39] [00:20.81]about the unusual day I had last week. [00:23.81] [00:23.98]Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, [00:26.98] [00:27.69]but that all changed last thursday. [00:30.69] [00:30.78]Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first. [00:33.78] [00:34.61]I made breakfast for my family. [00:37.57] [00:38.28]I performed my chores. [00:41.29] [00:41.79]I completed my projects. [00:44.79] [00:45.71]I ran my errands. [00:48.38] [00:48.38]In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day -- [00:52.38] [00:52.71]quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection. [00:57.68] [01:01.39]That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet [01:06.40] [01:06.81]and retrieve a revolver that had never been used. [01:09.82] [01:15.40]My body was discovered by my neighbor mrs. Martha Huber, [01:19.41] [01:19.99]who had been startled by a strange popping sound. [01:23.00] [01:23.58]Her curiosity aroused, [01:25.50] [01:25.50]mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced. [01:29.50] [01:32.30]After some initial hesitation, [01:34.80] [01:34.80]she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before. [01:39.80] [02:01.91]It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot. [02:04.29] [02:04.29]There's blood everywhere. [02:06.00] [02:06.00]Yes. You've got to send an ambulance. You've got to send one right now. [02:11.00] [02:15.88]And for a moment, [02:17.09] [02:17.09]mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, [02:19.89] [02:19.89]grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy... [02:22.89] [02:23.68]But only for a moment. [02:25.81] [02:25.81]If there was one thing mrs. Huber was known for, [02:28.81] [02:29.19]it was her ability to look on the bright side. [02:32.19] [02:38.99]I was laid to rest on a monday. [02:41.70] [02:41.70]After the funeral, all the residents of wisteria lane came to pay their respects. [02:45.70] [02:48.08]And, as people do in these situations, they brought food. [02:51.08] [02:51.88]Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. [02:54.88] [02:54.88]Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. [02:57.88] [02:58.09]Of course, she didn't cook much while she was moving up the corporate ladder. [03:01.09] [03:01.59]She didn't have the time. [03:03.39] [03:03.39]But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant, [03:05.68] [03:05.68]her husband Tom had an idea. [03:08.10] [03:08.10]"Why not quit your job? [03:09.69] [03:09.69]"Kids do better with stay-at-home moms. It would be so much less stressful." [03:13.69] [03:14.61]But this was not the case. [03:16.48] [03:16.48]In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic, [03:19.49] [03:19.61]she was now forced to get her fried chicken from a fast-food restaurant. [03:23.62] [03:23.91]Lynette would have appreciated the irony if she stopped to think about it, [03:26.91] [03:27.58]but she couldn't. She didn't have the time. [03:30.41] [03:30.41]- Stop it ! - But, mom! [03:32.00] [03:32.00]No, [03:32.71] [03:32.71]you are going to behave today. [03:34.88] [03:34.88]I am not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. [03:37.88] [03:38.09]And just so you know how serious I am... [03:40.72] [03:40.72]what's that? [03:42.09] [03:42.09]Santa's cell phone number. [03:44.18] [03:44.18]How'd you get that? [03:46.01] [03:46.01]I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf, [03:48.89] [03:48.89]and if any of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa, [03:51.89] [03:52.48]and I will tell him you want socks for Christmas. [03:55.48] [03:55.90]You willing to risk that? [03:58.90] [03:59.99]Okay. Let's get this over with. [04:03.99] [04:06.99]Gabrielle Solis, who lives down the block, [04:09.49] [04:09.49]brought a spicy paella. [04:12.50] [04:13.00]Since her modeling days in New York, [04:14.88] [04:14.88]Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food... [04:17.88] [04:19.09]and rich men. [04:22.09] [04:22.30]Carlos, who worked in mergersnd acquisitions, [04:24.51] [04:24.51]proposed on their third date. [04:27.39] [04:27.39]Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes, [04:30.10] [04:30.10]but she soon discovered this happened [04:32.81] [04:32.81]every time Carlos closed the big deal. [04:35.19] [04:35.19]Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot. [04:37.90] [04:37.90]However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler. [04:40.90] [04:42.49]If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, [04:44.61] [04:44.61]I want you to casually mention how much I paid for your necklace. [04:47.49] [04:47.49]He let me know how much he paid for his wife's new convertible. [04:49.58] [04:49.58]Why don't I just pin the receipt to my chest? [04:51.70] [04:51.70]Look, just work it into the conversation. [04:52.91] [04:52.91]There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos. [04:54.58] [04:54.58]Why not? [04:56.21] [04:56.21]At the Donoghue party, everyone was talking mutual funds, [04:59.00] [04:59.00]and you found a way to mention you slept with half the Yankee outfield. [05:02.01] [05:02.01]I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation. [05:04.88] [05:04.88]Hey, people are starting to stare. Can you keep your voice down, please? [05:07.68] [05:07.68]Absolutely. We wouldn't want them to think we're not happy. [05:10.68] [05:11.31]Bree van de Kamp, who lives next door, [05:13.81] [05:13.81]brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. [05:16.81] [05:16.98]Bree was known for her cooking, [05:19.19] [05:19.19]and for making her own clothes, [05:22.11] [05:22.11]and for doing her own gardening, [05:24.90] [05:24.90]and for reupholstering her own furniture. [05:27.91] [05:28.78]Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood, [05:31.79] [05:32.08]and everyone on Wisteria lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother. [05:37.00] [05:37.00]Everyone, that is, except her own family. [05:40.00] [05:43.51]Paul. Zachary. [05:46.01] [05:46.01]Hello, mrs. Van De Kamp. [05:47.59] [05:47.59]Bree, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble. [05:49.51] [05:49.51]It was no trouble at all. [05:50.80] [05:50.80]Now, the basket with the red ribbon is filled with desserts for your guests, [05:53.81] [05:53.89]but the one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary. [05:56.89] [05:57.10]It's got rolls, muffins, breakfast-type things. [05:59.98] [05:59.98]Thank you. [06:01.11] [06:01.11]Well, the least I could do is [06:02.11] [06:02.11]make sure you boys had a decent meal to look forward to in the morning. [06:05.11] [06:05.78]I know you're out of your minds with grief. [06:08.61] [06:08.61]Yes, we are. [06:11.58] [06:12.08]Of course, I will need the baskets back once you're done. [06:15.08] [06:16.08]Of course. [06:19.08] [06:21.59]Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, [06:23.88] [06:23.88]brought macaroni and cheese. [06:26.09] [06:26.09]Her husband Carl always teased her about her macaroni, [06:29.01] [06:29.01]saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook, [06:31.30] [06:31.30]and she rarely made it well. [06:34.31] [06:34.52]It was too salty the night she and Carl moved into their house. [06:37.48] [06:38.69]It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Carl's shirt. [06:41.69] [06:43.19]She burned it the night carl told her he was leaving her for his secretary. [06:47.19] [06:55.70]A year had passed since the divorce. [06:57.79] [06:57.79]Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life, [07:01.79] [07:01.79]even one who would make fun of her cooking. [07:04.29] [07:04.29]Mom... why would someone kill themselves? [07:07.30] [07:10.68]Well... sometimes people are so unhappy, [07:12.18] [07:12.18]they think that's the only way they can solve their problems. [07:15.18] [07:15.31]But mrs. Young always seemed happy. [07:17.18] [07:17.18]Yeah, sometimes people pretend to be one way on the outside when they're totally different on the inside. [07:22.19] [07:22.60]Oh, you mean like how dad's girlfriend always smiling and says nice things, [07:25.48] [07:25.48]but deep down, you just know she's a bitch? [07:27.28] [07:27.28]I don't like that word, Julie. [07:29.19] [07:29.19]But, yeah, that's a great example. [07:31.20] [07:46.88]Hey, what's going on? Sorry I'm late. [07:48.21] [07:48.21]Hi, susan. [07:51.18] [08:11.70]Hey. So, what did Carl say when you confronted him? [08:13.91] [08:13.91]You'll love this. He said... [08:16.41] [08:16.41]"it doesn't mean anything. It was just sex." [08:19.41] [08:19.70]Ah, yes, page one of the philanderer's handbook. [08:21.71] [08:21.71]Yeah, and then he got this zen look on his face, and he said, "you know, Susan, [08:24.71] [08:24.88]most men live lives of quiet desperation." [08:27.88] [08:27.88]Please tell me you punched him. [08:28.88] [08:28.88]No, I said, "really? And what do most women lead [08:31.38] [08:31.38]lives of noisy fulfillment?" [08:33.30] [08:33.30]Hmm. Good for you. [08:34.51] [08:34.51]I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for brunch. [08:38.39] [08:38.39]It's like my grandmother always said -- an erect penis doesn't have a conscience. [08:41.39] [08:41.48]Even the limp ones aren't that ethical. [08:44.10] [08:44.10]This is half the reason I joined the NRA. [08:45.98] [08:45.98]Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences, [08:48.48] [08:48.48]I wanted it in the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at home [08:51.49] [08:51.78]with a loaded Smith & Wesson. [08:54.20] [08:54.20]Lynnie, Tom's always away on business. Do you ever worry he might? [08:57.20] [08:57.70]Oh, please, the man's gotten me pregnant three times in four years. [09:00.70] [09:01.20]I wish he was having sex with someone else. [09:04.21] [09:07.08]So, Susan, is he going to stop seeing that woman? [09:10.09] [09:12.71]I don't know. [09:15.68] [09:18.18]I'm sorry, you guys. I just... [09:21.18] [09:22.47]I just don't know how I'm going to survive this. [09:25.48] [09:26.69]Listen to me. [09:28.40] [09:28.40]We all have moments of desperation. [09:31.40] [09:32.90]But if we can face them head-on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are. [09:36.91] [09:46.08]Susan. I was just saying Paul wants us to go over on friday. [09:49.00] [09:49.00]He needs us to go through Mary Alice's closetand help pack up her things. [09:51.88] [09:51.88]He said he can't face doing it by himself. [09:54.01] [09:54.01]Sure. That's fine. [09:56.18] [09:56.18]Are you okay? [09:57.80] [09:57.80]Yeah. [09:59.80] [09:59.80]I'm just so angry. [10:01.81] [10:01.81]If Mary Alice was having problems,she should have come to us. [10:04.31] [10:04.31]She should have let us help her. [10:05.89] [10:05.89]What kind of problems could she have had? [10:08.19] [10:08.19]She was healthy, had a great home, a nice family. [10:10.69] [10:10.69]- Her life was... - Our life. [10:13.69] [10:15.69]No, if Mary Alice was having some sort of crisis, we'd have known. [10:18.70] [10:18.91]She lives 50 feet away, for god's sakes. [10:21.49] [10:21.49]Gabby, the woman killed herself. [10:23.79] [10:23.79]Something must have been going on. [10:26.79] [10:38.68]I wouldn't eat that if I were you. [10:40.39] [10:40.39]Why? [10:41.30] [10:41.30]I made it. Trust me. [10:44.31] [10:45.60]Hey, hey, do you -- do you have a death wish? [10:47.81] [10:47.81]No, I just refuse to believe that anybody cans crew up macaroni and cheese. [10:51.81] [10:53.82]Oh, my god. [10:56.78] [10:56.78]How did you -- it tastes like it's burned and undercooked. [10:59.78] [11:00.70]Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go. [11:03.70] [11:06.08]Ha ha. Thanks. [11:07.29] [11:07.29]I'm Mike Delfino. I just started renting the simms house next door. [11:10.29] [11:10.79]Susan Mayer. I live across the street. [11:13.79] [11:14.00]Oh, yeah, mrs. Huber told me about you. [11:16.51] [11:16.51]Said you illustrate children's books. [11:17.71] [11:17.71]Yeah, I'm very big with the under-5 set. [11:20.68] [11:21.01]- What do you do? - Plumber. [11:22.89] [11:22.89]So if you ever have a clog... [11:25.89] [11:26.89]or something. [11:29.89] [11:32.48]Now that everybody's seen that I brought something, [11:35.48] [11:35.69]I should probably just throw this out. [11:38.69] [11:49.58]Ease up, you little vampire. [11:52.58] [11:55.00]Lynette, I've been looking all over for you. [11:58.01] [11:58.38]Are you aware of what your sons are doing? [12:01.38] [12:13.69]What are you doing? We are at a wake. [12:16.69] [12:16.98]When we got here, you said we could go in the pool. [12:19.40] [12:19.40]I said you could go by the pool. [12:22.40] [12:22.61]Do you have your swimsuits on? [12:24.11] [12:24.11]Yeah, we put them under our clothes before we left. [12:27.08] [12:27.08]You three planned this? All right. That's it. Get out! [12:30.08] [12:30.50]- No! - No? [12:33.50] [12:33.50]I am your mother. You have to do what I say. Come on. [12:36.29] [12:36.29]We want to swim, and you can't stop us! [12:39.30] [12:53.10]Get out, or I will get in this pool and just grab you. Get out! [12:56.10] [13:00.90]Get over here. [13:03.90] [13:04.28]Get -- get over here! [13:07.28] [13:11.70]All right, give me your arm. Get back -- [13:14.71] [13:23.80]Move it! That's right! Get over here! [13:26.80] [13:34.31]Paul, we have to leave now. [13:35.89] [13:35.89]Once again, I am so sorry for your loss. [13:38.90] [13:39.82]Go. [13:40.61] [13:41.61]Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband. [13:44.61] [13:45.28]He had other things on his mind -- [13:47.91] [13:47.91]things below the surface. [13:50.91] [13:57.88]The morning after my funeral, [13:59.50] [13:59.50]my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives. [14:03.51] [14:05.01]While some did their cooking... [14:08.01] [14:09.39]and some did their cleaning... [14:12.39] [14:13.39]and some did their yoga... [14:16.31] [14:16.31]others did their homework. [14:18.98] [14:18.98]Hi. [14:21.90] [14:21.90]I'm Julie. I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard. [14:24.90] [14:25.78]Oh, okay. Well, let's go around and get it. [14:27.91] [14:27.91]Stay. [14:30.91] [14:31.20]His wife died a year ago. [14:32.28] [14:32.28]He wanted to stay in L.A., but there were too many memories. [14:34.58] [14:34.58]He's renting for tax purposes, but he hopes to buy a place real soon. [14:37.58] [14:37.58]I can't believe you went over there. [14:39.00] [14:39.00]Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake. [14:40.71] [14:40.71]You're obviously into each other. [14:42.59] [14:42.59]Now that you know he's single, you can ask him out. [14:44.71] [14:44.71]Julie, I like mr. Delfino, I do. [14:47.22] [14:47.22]I just, uh, I don't even know if I'm ready to start dating yet. [14:50.18] [14:50.59]Oh, you need to get back out there. [14:52.10] [14:52.10]Come on. How long has it been since you've had sex? [14:55.10] [14:56.81]Are you mad that I asked you that? [14:58.81] [14:58.81]No, I'm just trying to remember. [15:01.10] [15:01.10]I don't want to talk to you about my love life anymore. It weirds me out. [15:03.90] [15:03.90]I wouldn't have said anything. It's just... [15:06.28] [15:06.28]What? [15:08.20] [15:08.20]I heard dad's girlfriend ask if you'd dated anyone since the divorce, [15:12.20] [15:12.28]and dad said he doubted it. [15:15.29] [15:16.41]And then they both laughed. [15:19.41] [15:33.30]- Susan. - Hi, Mike. [15:36.18] [15:36.18]I brought you a little housewarming gift. [15:38.68] [15:38.68]I probably should have brought something by earlier, but... [15:41.31] [15:41.31]actually, you're the first in the neighborhood to stop by. [15:43.90] [15:43.90]Really? [15:44.90] [15:44.90]Susan knews he was lucky. [15:46.61] [15:46.61]An eligible bachelor had moved onto wisteria lane, [15:49.61] [15:49.61]and she was the first to find out, [15:51.78] [15:51.78]but she also knew that good news... [15:54.78] [15:55.08]Travels quickly. [15:56.79] [15:56.79]Edie Britt was the most predatory divorc閑 in a 5-block radius. [16:00.79] [16:02.08]Her conquests were numerous... [16:05.09] [16:06.71]varied... [16:09.72] [16:10.88]and legendary. [16:13.89] [16:14.68]Hi, Susan. I hope I'm not interrupting. [16:17.68] [16:19.18]You must be Mike Delfino. Hi, I'm Edie. Britt. [16:22.19] [16:23.19]I live over there. [16:25.19] [16:25.19]Welcome to Wisteria lane. [16:28.11] [16:28.11]Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut. [16:31.11] [16:31.90]Thank you. Ha ha. What's this? [16:33.99] [16:33.99]Sausage putanesca. It's just something I threw together. [16:36.99] [16:38.49]Well, thanks, Edie. Ha ha. That's great. [16:41.50] [16:42.92]I'd invite you both in, but I was sort of in the middle of something. [16:45.88] [16:48.21]And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun. [16:51.22] [16:53.01]For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly. [16:57.01] [16:59.10]Oh, Mike. I heard you're a plumber? [17:01.48] [17:01.48]But she was reminded that when it came to men... [17:04.31] [17:04.31]do you think you could stop by later tonight and take a look at my pipes? [17:07.31] [17:07.81]- Women don't fight fair. - Sure. [17:10.19] [17:10.19]Thanks. [17:12.61] [17:18.08]Bye, Susan. [17:19.91] [17:20.99]You can't order me around like I'm a child. [17:22.79] [17:22.79]- Gabrielle. - No. No, no, no. I'm not going. [17:25.21] [17:25.21]It's business. Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives. [17:27.71] [17:27.71]Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass. [17:30.71] [17:31.21]Ha ha. I made over $200,000 doing business with him last year. [17:34.17] [17:34.38]If he wants to grab your ass, you let him. [17:37.39] [17:47.81]Mr. Solis. You scared me. [17:50.48] [17:50.48]Why is that bush still there? You were supposed to dig it up last week. [17:53.49] [17:53.49]I didn't have time last week. [17:54.61] [17:54.61]I don't want to hear your excuses. Just take care of it. [17:57.61] [18:00.58]I really hate the way you talk to me. [18:03.29] [18:03.29]And I really hate that I spend $15,000 [18:06.08] [18:06.08]on your diamond necklace that you couldn't live without, [18:08.58] [18:08.58]but I'm learning to deal with it. [18:10.71] [18:10.71]So can I tell Tanaka we'll be there tomorrow night? [18:13.59] [18:13.59]John. We have bandage stop shelf in the kitchen. [18:16.59] [18:17.80]Thanks, mrs. Solis. [18:20.80] [18:23.39]Fine. I'll go. [18:25.39] [18:25.39]But I'm keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire time. [18:28.40] [18:29.48]See? Now this is what a marriage is all about -- compromise. [18:33.48] [18:40.49]Is your finger okay? [18:41.70] [18:41.70]Yeah, yeah, it's just a small cut. [18:44.58] [18:44.58]Let me see. [18:47.58] [19:02.30]Hmm. You know, mrs. Solis, [19:05.31] [19:05.39]Um, I really like it when we hook up, [19:08.39] [19:08.60]but, um, well, you know, I-I got to get my work done, [19:11.48] [19:11.48]and I can't afford to lose this job. [19:14.48] [19:16.40]This table is hand-carved. [19:18.78] [19:18.78]Carlos had it imported from Italy. [19:21.20] [19:21.20]It cost him $23,000. [19:24.20] [19:25.99]You want to do it on the table this time? [19:28.79] [19:28.79]Absolutely. [19:31.79] [19:46.10]Why can't we ever have normal soup? [19:48.39] [19:48.39]Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree. [19:51.40] [19:51.69]Just once, couldn't we have a soup that people have heard of? [19:54.61] [19:54.61]Like french onion or navy bean. [19:57.11] [19:57.11]First of all, your father can't eat onions. He's deathly allergic. [19:59.78] [19:59.78]And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion. [20:02.78] [20:03.91]So... how's the osso buco? [20:06.91] [20:07.20]It's okay. [20:09.29] [20:09.29]It's okay? [20:10.79] [20:10.79]Andrew, I spent three hours cooking this meal. [20:13.08] [20:13.08]How do you think it makes me feel when you say "it's okay" in that sullen tone? [20:17.09] [20:17.80]Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner? [20:20.80] [20:23.18]Excuse me? [20:26.01] [20:26.01]Tim Harper's mom gets home from work, [20:28.10] [20:28.10]pops open a can of pork and beans, [20:30.39] [20:30.39]and boom, they're eating. Everyone's happy. [20:32.19] [20:32.19]You'd rather I serve pork and beans? [20:34.31] [20:34.31]Apologize now. I am begging. [20:35.48] [20:35.48]I'm saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? [20:37.77] [20:37.77]Can't we ever just have food? [20:39.40] [20:39.40]Are you doing drugs? [20:40.61] [20:40.61]What? [20:41.49] [20:41.49]Change in behavior is one of the warning signs, [20:43.61] [20:43.61]and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months. [20:46.58] [20:47.28]That certainly would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom. [20:49.41] [20:49.41]- Trust me, that is not what he is doing. - Shut up. [20:52.00] [20:52.00]Mom, I'm not the one with the problem here, all right? [20:54.50] [20:54.50]You're the one always acting like she's running for mayor of Stepford. [20:57.50] [20:58.80]Rex. [21:00.38] [21:00.38]Seeing that you're the head of this household, I would really appreciate you saying something. [21:03.38] [21:06.51]Pass the salt? [21:09.52] [21:18.98]Three days after my funeral, [21:20.69] [21:20.69]Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion -- [21:23.70] [21:24.91]indignation. [21:26.41] [21:26.41]Tom, this is my fifth message, and you still haven't called me back. [21:29.41] [21:30.29]Well, you must be having a lot of fun on your business trip. I can only imagine. [21:34.29] [21:35.58]Well, guess what -- the kids and I want to have some fun, too, [21:37.88] [21:37.88]so unless you call me back by noon, [21:39.71] [21:39.71]we are getting on a plane and joining you. [21:41.38] [21:41.38]Mom! [21:42.09] [21:42.09]Not now, honey. Mommy's threatening daddy. [21:45.09] [21:45.18]Mom. No, I -- where are your brothers? [21:48.18] [21:49.01]- Noodles. - My favorite. [21:52.02] [21:57.40]Lynette Scavo? [21:58.98] [21:58.98]Crap. [21:59.90] [21:59.90]Natalie Klein. I don't believe it. [22:02.90] [22:03.40]Lynette. How long has it been? [22:05.99] [22:05.99]Years. [22:08.12] [22:08.12]Uh, how are you? How's the firm? [22:09.78] [22:09.78]Good. Everyone misses you. [22:12.79] [22:13.08]Yeah. We all say if you hadn't quit, [22:14.91] [22:14.91]you'd be running the place by now. [22:16.58] [22:16.58]Yeah, well... [22:19.59] [22:19.71]So... how's domestic life? [22:22.71] [22:23.88]Don't you just love being a mom? [22:26.88] [22:27.01]And there it was -- the question that Lynette always dreaded. [22:30.01] [22:30.80]Well, to be honest... [22:33.18] [22:33.18]for those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable, [22:36.19] [22:36.69]so Lynette responded as she always did. [22:39.19] [22:39.19]She lied. [22:40.48] [22:40.48]It's the best job I've ever had. [22:43.48] [22:54.70]You know what I don't get? [22:56.21] [22:56.21]What? [22:57.21] [22:57.21]Why you married mr. Solis. [23:00.21] [23:04.71]Well... he promised to give me everything I've ever wanted. [23:07.67] [23:08.30]And did he? [23:10.09] [23:10.09]Yes. [23:13.10] [23:13.51]Then why aren't you happy? [23:16.48] [23:16.89]Turns out I wanted all the wrong things. [23:19.90] [23:21.61]So do you love him? [23:24.61] [23:24.90]I do. [23:26.49] [23:26.49]Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this? [23:29.49] [23:30.41]Because I don't want to wake up one morning [23:31.91] [23:31.91]with a sudden urge to blow my brains out. [23:34.91] [23:39.29]Hey, can I have a drag? [23:40.29] [23:40.29]Absolutely not. [23:42.21] [23:42.21]You are much too young to smoke. [23:45.21] [23:47.88]Ah. How would you feel about me using your child-support payments [23:50.01] [23:50.01]for plastic surgery? [23:51.39] [23:51.39]Stop being so nervous. You're just asking him out to dinner. It's no big deal. [23:54.39] [23:55.51]You're right. [23:57.68] [23:57.68]So is that your project for school? [24:00.10] [24:00.10]You know, when I was in fifth grade, I made the white house out of sugar cubes. [24:03.11] [24:03.11]Stop stalling and go [24:04.98] [24:04.98]before mike figures out he can do better. [24:07.78] [24:07.78]Tell me again why I fought for custody of you. [24:10.78] [24:11.20]You were using me to hurt dad. [24:13.91] [24:13.91]Oh, that's right. [24:15.58] [24:18.00]Oh, god. [24:19.08] [24:26.80]- Hi. - Hey, Susan. [24:29.80] [24:30.22]- Are you busy? - No, not at all. What's up? [24:33.18] [24:33.39]Well, I -- I just, uh, was wondering if, um... [24:36.39] [24:38.02]if there was any chance that you, uh... [24:40.98] [24:43.69]I-I just wanted to ask if... [24:46.69] [24:47.40]- Edie. - Hey there, Susan. [24:49.48] [24:49.48]What are you -- [24:50.49] [24:50.49]I was making ambrosia, and I made too much, [24:52.78] [24:52.78]so I thought I'd bring some over to mike. [24:55.78] [24:56.20]What's going on? [24:57.49] [24:57.49]Uh, Susan was just going to ask me something. [25:00.50] [25:05.71]I have a clog. [25:07.29] [25:07.29]- Excuse me? - And you're a plumber, right? [25:09.88] [25:09.88]Yeah. [25:11.30] [25:11.30]The clog's in the pipe. [25:13.09] [25:13.09]Yeah, that's usually where they are. [25:15.51] [25:15.51]Well, I've got one. [25:17.51] [25:17.51]Oh, okay. Well, uh let me get my tools. [25:18.89] [25:18.89]Now? You want to come over now? [25:21.18] [25:21.18]You have company. [25:22.68] [25:22.68]I don't mind. [25:25.31] [25:25.31]Yeah, just give me two minutes. [25:28.32] [25:37.99]I'll be right over. That's it. Just stuff the hair down there. [25:39.70] [25:39.70]I stuffed it. It's not enough to clog it. [25:42.70] [25:44.21]Here. Okay, look. Put in this peanut butter [25:47.21] [25:47.38]and this cooking oil. [25:50.38] [25:50.59]- Mom - And these olives. [25:51.51] [25:51.51]Mom, I'm telling you, it's not working. [25:54.51] [25:54.80]Oh, god. That's him. [25:57.59] [25:57.59]How am I going to stop up the sink? [26:00.60] [26:07.98]Well, here's your problem. [26:10.19] [26:10.19]Looks like somebody stuffed a bunch of popsicle sticks down here. [26:13.19] [26:14.11]I've told julie a million times not to play in the kitchen. [26:17.11] [26:17.70]Kids, you know? [26:20.70] [26:25.21]All right, I'll go put in your orders, [26:26.00] [26:26.00]and I'll be right back with your drinks and your plates for the salad bar. [26:28.88] [26:28.88]Thank you. [26:30.88] [26:30.88]Andrew, Danielle, napkins? [26:33.88] [26:35.01]They have video games. [26:37.30] [26:37.30]Could we go play until our food gets here? [26:39.80] [26:39.80]Andrew, this is family time. [26:42.18] [26:42.18]- I think that we should all - Go ahead and play. [26:45.18] [26:53.19]I know that you think I'm angry about coming here, but I'm not. [26:56.20] [26:56.70]You and the kids wanted a change of pace, [26:58.41] [26:58.41]something fun. I get it. [27:01.41] [27:02.08]Probably we'll want something healthier tomorrow night, though. [27:04.49] [27:04.49]I'm thinking about chicken Saltimbocca. [27:06.50] [27:06.50]I want a divorce. [27:09.50] [27:11.38]I just can't live in this -- [27:14.38] [27:14.80]this detergent commercial anymore. [27:17.80] [27:19.01]- The salad bar's right over there. Help yourself. - Thank you. [27:22.01] [27:26.48]Um, I think I'll go get your salad for you. [27:29.48] [27:40.99]Bree Van De Kamp. [27:43.99] [27:43.99]Oh. Hello, mrs. Huber. [27:45.91] [27:45.91]We didn't get a chance to talk at Mary Alice's wake. [27:48.91] [27:49.00]How are you doing? [27:51.38] [27:51.38]Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal, [27:55.38] [27:55.71]but sadly for Bree, [27:57.21] [27:57.21]admitting defeat was not an option. [28:00.18] [28:00.18]Great. Everything is just great. [28:03.18] [28:04.68]Okay, well, I got you the honey mustard dressing. The ranch looked just a little bit suspect. [28:08.68] [28:19.19]Are we going to talk about what I said? [28:21.20] [28:21.20]If you think I'm going to discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place [28:23.78] [28:23.78]where the restrooms are labeled "chicks" and "dudes," [28:26.70] [28:26.70]you're out of your mind. [28:29.71] [28:30.91]What's in this? [28:31.58] [28:31.58]What do you mean, what's in this? It's salad. [28:34.59] [28:35.71]- With -- with onions? - What? [28:38.21] [28:38.21]You put onions in my salad. [28:39.88] [28:39.88]No, I didn't. [28:42.89] [28:45.51]Oh, wait. [28:48.52] [28:55.19]The sound that awakened my son [28:57.19] [28:57.19]was something he'd heard only once before, [28:59.90] [28:59.90]many years ago when he was quite young, [29:02.91] [29:05.20]but he recognized it instantly. [29:08.20] [29:15.08]It was the sound of a family secret. [29:18.09] [29:35.48]Seven days after my funeral, [29:37.61] [29:37.61]life on Wisteria lane finally returned to normal, [29:40.61] [29:42.40]which, for some of my friends... [29:45.41] [29:45.41]was unfortunate. [29:48.41] [29:50.58]Now what? [29:51.70] [29:51.70]Daddy's home! [29:54.71] [29:57.08]Hey, is anybody home? [30:00.09] [30:01.59]I wasn't expecting you for a week. [30:03.88] [30:03.88]I have to go back to frisco in the morning, [30:06.59] [30:06.59]but I got your call. You sounded a little frazzled. [30:09.60] [30:10.39]Yeah. It's been a little rough. [30:12.98] [30:12.98]Daddy, did you bring us any presents? [30:15.60] [30:15.60]Oh, god, presents. Wait a minute let me see. [30:18.61] [30:24.40]But I'm not going to give it to you unless you promise me to go outside right now [30:26.49] [30:26.49]and practice throwing it for 20 minutes, okay? You promise? [30:31.49] [30:32.58]Yeah, yeah, yeah! Get out of here. Go. [30:33.91] [30:33.91]Who's open? Go out! [30:35.21] [30:35.21]Deeper! Deeper! [30:37.50] [30:37.50]Touchdown! [30:40.29] [30:40.29]Oh, my god. Oh. [30:43.30] [30:46.09]Oh, you got to be kidding. I'm exhausted. [30:49.09] [30:49.30]I look terrible. I'm covered in peaches. [30:51.68] [30:51.68]That's all right, baby. I got to have you. [30:54.68] [30:54.98]Well, is it okay if I just lie here? [30:57.19] [30:57.19]Absolutely. [31:00.19] [31:02.32]I love you. [31:03.61] [31:03.61]And I love you more. [31:06.61] [31:07.70]Oh, wait, I got to tell you, I was having trouble with swelling, [31:09.62] [31:09.62]so the doctor took me off the pill, so you're just going to have to put on a condom. [31:12.58] [31:12.78]Condom? What's the big deal? Let's risk it. [31:15.79] [31:17.00]- Let's risk it? - Yeah. [31:20.00] [31:29.38]I can't believe you tried to kill me. [31:31.18] [31:31.18]Yes, well, I feel badly about that. [31:34.18] [31:34.18]I told you, mrs. Huber came over, and I got distracted. [31:37.10] [31:37.10]It was a mistake. [31:38.19] [31:38.19]Since when do you make mistakes? [31:40.31] [31:40.31]What's that supposed to mean? [31:41.48] [31:41.48]It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. [31:45.48] [31:46.90]I-I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. [31:49.91] [31:50.41]I'm sick of you making our bed in the morning before I've even used the bathroom. [31:53.41] [31:54.58]You're this plastic suburban housewife [31:57.58] [31:57.70]with her pearls and her spatula [31:59.21] [31:59.21]who says things like "we owe the hendersons a dinner." [32:02.21] [32:04.50]Where's the woman I fell in love with... [32:07.51] [32:08.80]who used to burn the toast and drink milk out of the carton... [32:12.80] [32:15.51]and laugh? [32:18.48] [32:19.81]I need her. [32:22.40] [32:22.40]Not this cold, perfect thing you've become. [32:25.40] [32:32.99]These need water. [32:35.99] [32:48.09]Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes, [32:51.09] [32:51.80]but he husband never knew, [32:54.80] [32:55.01]because when Bree finally emerged... [32:58.02] [33:00.98]she was perfect. [33:03.98] [33:09.90]I found my earrings. We can go now. [33:11.70] [33:11.70]Was John here today? [33:14.28] [33:14.28]Well, yeah. [33:16.20] [33:16.20]The lawn hasn't been mowed. I've had it. [33:18.91] [33:18.91]We're getting a real gardener. [33:20.29] [33:20.29]- Why? - Are you deaf? [33:22.21] [33:22.21]I just said he's not doing his job. [33:24.37] [33:24.37]It dark. You just can't see that the lawn has been mowed. [33:27.38] [33:27.38]It hasn't been. Feel this grass. [33:29.00] [33:29.00]I'm not feeling the grass. [33:31.01] [33:31.01]Let's just get going. Come on. We're late. [33:34.01] [33:40.39]- Take care of it. - Yes, sir. [33:43.39] [33:48.19]There's Tanaka. [33:50.61] [33:50.61]Time for me to go into my dance. [33:52.49] [33:52.49]Good luck, sweetheart. [33:55.49] [33:57.78]Oh, excuse me. Ma'am? You see that man who just walked away? [34:00.70] [34:00.70]Can you make sure he has a drink in his hand all night long? [34:05.71] [34:06.88]Yes, ma'am. [34:09.88] [35:45.31]Oh, mrs. Huber,how you doing? [35:46.68] [35:46.68]Not too well, I'm afraid. [35:48.31] [35:48.31]I'm trying to find something to soothe my stomach. [35:50.81] [35:50.81]Oh, it's upset? [35:52.48] [35:52.48]Yeah. I had the worst macaroni and cheese at the wake. [35:55.40] [35:55.40]It's been running through me ever since. [35:57.99] [35:57.99]And I need to be at my best. [35:59.61] [35:59.61]Edie Bri's son is spending the night tonight. [36:02.57] [36:02.57]He's spending the night? [36:03.78] [36:03.78]Apparently, Edie is having a gentleman friend over for dinner, [36:06.79] [36:07.79]and I think she plans on entertaining into the wee hours, [36:10.79] [36:10.87]if you know what I mean. [36:13.88] [36:14.38]Oh, here's some antacid. Have you ever tried this? [36:17.38] [36:18.80]I can't believe it. [36:20.18] [36:20.18]This can't be happening. Mike can't like Edie better than me. He just can't. [36:24.18] [36:24.18]You don't know what's going on. [36:25.81] [36:25.81]Maybe they're just having dinner. [36:28.81] [36:29.31]You're right. They're doing it. [36:32.31] [36:44.99]Edie? [36:46.49] [37:06.60]Anybody home? [37:08.31] [37:11.48]I need to borrow sugar. [37:14.48] [37:35.29]And just like that, the possibility Susan had clung to, [37:38.30] [37:39.38]the maybe of Mike Delfino, was gone forever. [37:42.38] [37:45.89]And despite the precariousness of her situation, [37:48.89] [37:48.89]Susan took a moment to mourn her loss. [37:51.89] [38:18.71]It didn't take Susan long to realize this was just not her night. [38:23.72] [38:25.09]Is somebody out there? [38:28.10] [38:28.10]Oh, my god! [38:29.68] [38:29.68]That's smoke! [38:30.60] [38:48.91]...candles unattended in the den. [38:50.99] [38:50.99]Paramedics said she was lucky. She could have been killed. [38:54.00] [38:54.79]She ran out with nothing on. [38:56.71] [38:56.71]She was having sex with some guy when the fire started. [38:59.71] [38:59.88]What happened to him? [39:01.00] [39:01.00]He got smoke inhalation. He's at the hospital. [39:04.01] [39:05.51]Susan, are you all right? You look awful. [39:08.39] [39:08.39]I'm fine. I'm fine. [39:10.39] [39:10.39]I-I just, uh... feel really bad for Edie. [39:14.39] [39:15.10]Oh, honey, don't worry about Edie. She's a strong lady. [39:18.10] [39:18.10]Absolutely. She'll get through this. [39:20.11] [39:20.11]She'll find a way to survive. [39:22.11] [39:22.11]We all do. [39:25.11] [39:27.49]Come on. [39:29.49] [39:47.01]Wow, what happened? [39:48.80] [39:48.80]Mike. [39:49.59] [39:49.59]And suddenly, there he was, [39:51.60] [39:51.60]like a phoenix rising from the ashes. [39:54.01] [39:54.01]I-I thought you were -- [39:56.98] [39:57.18]Uh, where were you? [39:58.19] [39:58.19]I just got back from the movies. Edie had a fire, huh? [40:01.19] [40:01.98]Yeah. [40:03.48] [40:03.48]Yeah, but she's fine now. [40:06.49] [40:07.19]Everything's fine now. [40:09.20] [40:09.20]And just like that, Susan was happy. [40:11.99] [40:11.99]Life was suddenly full of... possibilities. [40:15.99] [40:21.79]Not to mention a few unexpected surprises. [40:24.80] [40:31.01]Hello? Hey, it's me. [40:32.30] [40:32.30]- Do you have anything yet? - No. [40:34.01] [40:34.01]No, nothing yet, but don't worry. [40:36.18] [40:36.18]I'm definitely getting closer. [40:39.18] [40:46.69]I brought some champagne. [40:48.61] [40:48.61]I thought we should have a toast. [40:51.41] [40:51.41]The next day, my friends came together [40:54.41] [40:54.41]to pack away my clothes, my personal belongings, [40:56.49] [40:56.49]and what was left of my life. [40:59.50] [41:00.79]All right, ladies, lift 'em up. [41:03.00] [41:03.00]To Mary Alice -- [41:04.29] [41:04.29]a good friend and neighbor. [41:06.21] [41:06.21]Wherever you are, we hope you've found peace. [41:08.38] [41:08.38]To Mary Alice. [41:11.38] [41:18.10]Let's get this show on the road. [41:19.98] [41:19.98]You guys check out Mary Alice's clothes? [41:22.60] [41:22.60]Size 8? Ha. [41:24.40] [41:24.40]She always told me she was a size 6. [41:26.61] [41:26.61]Guess we found the skeleton in her closet. [41:28.61] [41:28.61]Not quite, Gabrielle. [41:30.19] [41:30.19]Not quite. [41:31.11] [41:31.11]What's that? [41:32.11] [41:32.11]It's a letter addressed to Mary Alice. [41:34.91] [41:34.91]How ironic -- [41:36.41] [41:36.41]to have something I tried so desperately to keep secret [41:39.08] [41:39.08]treated so casually. [41:41.29] [41:41.29]What are you doing? That's private. [41:42.58] [41:42.58]It's open. What's the big deal? [41:45.58] [41:52.51]I know what you did. It makes me sick. I'm going to tell. [41:56.39] [41:56.39]What does this mean ? [41:57.60] [41:57.60]I don't know but check out the post mark. [42:00.31] [42:00.31]Oh my god! She got it the day she died. [42:03.31] [42:03.89]Do you think this is why she... [42:06.48] [42:06.48]I'm so sorry, girls. [42:08.82] [42:08.82]I never wanted you to be burdened with this. [42:11.78] [42:13.99]Mary Alice, what did you do ? [42:16.99] [42:18.99] [42:38.99]

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