雙語(yǔ)暢銷(xiāo)書(shū)·怦然心動(dòng) Chapter 07　伙計(jì)，放松點(diǎn)兒

Chapter 07

伙計(jì)，放松點(diǎn)兒

沒(méi)過(guò)多長(zhǎng)時(shí)間，我就意識(shí)到，我和朱莉安娜·貝克之間的老問(wèn)題已經(jīng)完全轉(zhuǎn)化成一系列新問(wèn)題。從很遠(yuǎn)的地方我都能感覺(jué)到她的怒氣。

讓她生我的氣，比她糾纏著我還要更糟。為什么？因?yàn)檫@完全賴(lài)我自己，就這么簡(jiǎn)單。是我把雞蛋的事暴露了，把責(zé)任推給她家的院子也無(wú)濟(jì)于事。她無(wú)視我，或者說(shuō)，高調(diào)地躲著我的方式，就像是大聲提醒著我是個(gè)渾蛋。一個(gè)假惺惺的渾蛋。

一天放學(xué)后，我跟加利特分開(kāi)后走在回家的路上，朱莉站在她家院子里，正在修剪一叢灌木。她狠狠地抽打著，枝條飛濺在她的肩膀上，隔著一條街，我清楚地聽(tīng)到她一個(gè)人念念叨叨：“不……你……不要！你可以來(lái)……找……不管喜歡還是……不喜歡！”

這讓我覺(jué)得舒服嗎？不，朋友，我一點(diǎn)兒也不舒服。沒(méi)錯(cuò)，她家的院子是一團(tuán)糟，也確實(shí)是時(shí)候應(yīng)該有人出來(lái)做點(diǎn)什么了，但是拜托——她爸爸呢？馬特和麥克在哪兒？為什么偏偏是朱莉？

我讓她覺(jué)得尷尬了，這就是原因。我從來(lái)沒(méi)感覺(jué)這么糟過(guò)。

我悄悄溜進(jìn)屋里，試圖忽略掉這個(gè)事實(shí)：在我的書(shū)桌、我的窗戶(hù)正對(duì)面，朱莉正在抽打一叢灌木。可我沒(méi)法集中精力。根本不行。我一點(diǎn)兒也做不下去功課。

第二天，我在學(xué)校試圖鼓起勇氣跟她說(shuō)話，可是完全沒(méi)有機(jī)會(huì)?？礃幼铀粫?huì)讓我靠近她。

回家的路上，我想出一個(gè)主意。一開(kāi)始我被這個(gè)想法嚇了一跳，但我想得越深，就越覺(jué)得可行，沒(méi)錯(cuò)，幫她整理院子將會(huì)一舉改變我在她心目中渾蛋的形象。假設(shè)她不會(huì)把我指揮得團(tuán)團(tuán)轉(zhuǎn)，也不會(huì)像一塊橡皮糖一樣黏著我。不，我要勇敢地走上去，對(duì)她說(shuō)，我不想給她留下一個(gè)渾蛋的印象，我愿意幫她割草、修枝作為補(bǔ)償，就是這樣。如果我這樣做了，而她還生我的氣，那我也沒(méi)辦法，那就是她的問(wèn)題了。

而我的問(wèn)題在于，我根本找不到機(jī)會(huì)。我辛辛苦苦地從校車(chē)站跑回家，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)已經(jīng)有人在替我做好事了——我外公。

我真的被嚇到了。一時(shí)間，我陷入了迷茫。外公根本不打理院子。至少他從來(lái)不在我打理院子的時(shí)候幫忙。而且外公常年穿著室內(nèi)拖鞋——他從哪兒弄來(lái)了一雙工作靴？還有牛仔褲和法蘭絨襯衫——這是怎么回事？

我躲在一戶(hù)鄰居家的樹(shù)籬下面看著他倆，十到十五分鐘的光景，好吧，我越看越生氣。幾分鐘之內(nèi)，我外公跟她說(shuō)的話已經(jīng)超過(guò)了這一年半以來(lái)住在這里和我說(shuō)話的總和。他跟朱莉安娜·貝克有什么關(guān)系？

爬過(guò)兩道圍欄、踢開(kāi)鄰居家傻乎乎的小梗犬，我悄悄潛回家里，不過(guò)這一切都是值得的，起碼讓我避開(kāi)了街對(duì)面那場(chǎng)庭院派對(duì)。

我又一次沒(méi)做家庭作業(yè)?？吹迷蕉?，我越生氣。當(dāng)朱莉跟外公一起發(fā)出笑聲的時(shí)候，我仍然是個(gè)假惺惺的渾蛋。我什么時(shí)候看見(jiàn)他笑過(guò)？真正的微笑？我根本想不起來(lái)！可是現(xiàn)在，他站在及膝的雜草中間，哈哈大笑。

吃晚飯的時(shí)候，他出現(xiàn)了，換回平時(shí)穿的衣服和室內(nèi)拖鞋，可是他的樣子完全變了。就像有人給他充了電，打開(kāi)了開(kāi)關(guān)。

“晚上好，”他說(shuō)，就像他終于發(fā)現(xiàn)了我們的存在，“哦，佩西，看上去很好吃！”

“嗯，爸爸，”媽媽笑著說(shuō)，“看來(lái)在對(duì)街做的運(yùn)動(dòng)對(duì)你很有好處嘛?！?/p>

“是的，”爸爸說(shuō)，“佩西告訴我，你一下午都在那兒。如果你想搞個(gè)家庭改造運(yùn)動(dòng)，完全可以告訴我們啊。”

爸爸只是開(kāi)了個(gè)玩笑，可我覺(jué)得外公把它當(dāng)真了。他盛了一勺奶酪釀土豆，說(shuō)：“可以把鹽遞給我嗎，布萊斯？”

好吧，爸爸和外公之間確實(shí)有種奇怪的緊張感，可是我猜爸爸如果馬上轉(zhuǎn)變?cè)掝}，氣氛也就隨之改變了。

但是爸爸沒(méi)有放棄。他反而繼續(xù)問(wèn)下去：“那一家終于有人跳出來(lái)給院子做點(diǎn)修整了，為什么是那個(gè)姑娘呢？”

外公小心翼翼地給土豆撒上鹽，然后注視著餐桌這一頭的我。啊哦，我想，被揭穿了。電光石火之間，我知道我再也藏不住那些愚蠢的雞蛋了。整整兩年，我偷偷把它們?nèi)舆M(jìn)垃圾桶，我避免提起朱莉、她的雞蛋、她的小雞，還有她每天早晨的造訪，這都是為了什么？現(xiàn)在外公全知道了，我能從他眼睛里看出來(lái)。他馬上就要揭穿我了，那時(shí)候我就有得熬了。

可是奇跡出現(xiàn)了。在外公的凝視下，我一動(dòng)都不敢動(dòng)地坐了一分鐘，而他轉(zhuǎn)向我爸爸，說(shuō)：“她就是想這么做了?！?/p>

我的額頭上汗如雨下，聽(tīng)到爸爸說(shuō)：“好吧，是該有人做點(diǎn)什么了?！蓖夤涯抗廪D(zhuǎn)回來(lái)看著我，而我知道——他不會(huì)讓我輕易忘掉這些。我們剛剛經(jīng)歷了一次別樣的交談，這一次他絕不會(huì)放過(guò)我。

吃完晚飯，我回到房間，可是外公馬上跟了進(jìn)來(lái)，關(guān)上門(mén)，坐在我床上。整個(gè)過(guò)程悄無(wú)聲息。門(mén)沒(méi)響、床沒(méi)響、聽(tīng)不到呼吸聲……我發(fā)誓，他就像幽靈一樣潛入我的房間。

當(dāng)然，我驚得撞到了膝蓋，把鉛筆掉在地上，還打翻了一碗果凍。不過(guò)我努力保持平靜，說(shuō)：“你好，外公。你是來(lái)查崗的嗎？”

他把兩片嘴唇閉得緊緊的，凝視著我。

我投降了：“好吧，外公，我知道我搞砸了。我應(yīng)該告訴她的，但我做不到。我一直以為它們不會(huì)再繼續(xù)下蛋了。我是說(shuō)，一只雞能連續(xù)下多久的蛋？它們?cè)谖椅迥昙?jí)那年就孵出來(lái)了！離現(xiàn)在都三年了！它們的產(chǎn)蛋期不會(huì)結(jié)束嗎？而且，我還能怎么做？告訴她我媽媽害怕沙門(mén)氏菌感染？還是告訴她我爸爸希望我跟她說(shuō)我家對(duì)雞蛋過(guò)敏？拜托，誰(shuí)會(huì)相信呢？所以我只好一直……嗯……扔掉它們。我不知道她在賣(mài)雞蛋。我以為它們只是多余的。”

他緩緩地點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。

我嘆了口氣，接著說(shuō)：“謝謝你吃晚飯的時(shí)候沒(méi)有說(shuō)下去。我欠你一個(gè)人情?！?/p>

他拉開(kāi)窗簾，朝對(duì)街望去，“一個(gè)人的性格是在童年時(shí)代養(yǎng)成的，孩子。你現(xiàn)在作出的選擇將會(huì)影響你的一生?！彼o靜地站了一會(huì)兒，放下窗簾說(shuō)，“我不想看到你走得太遠(yuǎn)，卻又無(wú)法收?qǐng)??！?/p>

“是，長(zhǎng)官。”

他皺起眉頭：“別對(duì)我說(shuō)‘是，長(zhǎng)官’，布萊斯?！彼咀×?，又加上一句，“想想我說(shuō)的話，下次面臨選擇的時(shí)候，作出正確的決定。從長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)來(lái)看，對(duì)所有人的傷害都是最小的決定?！?/p>

說(shuō)完，他一陣風(fēng)似的走了。

第二天放學(xué)后，我去加利特家打籃球，他媽媽把我送回家的時(shí)候，外公甚至都沒(méi)注意。他正忙著在朱莉家的院子里充當(dāng)木匠呢。

我想在早餐臺(tái)上寫(xiě)作業(yè)，可是媽媽下班回來(lái)了，在旁邊嘰嘰喳喳地說(shuō)話，后來(lái)利奈特也來(lái)了，她們倆開(kāi)始爭(zhēng)論，到底利奈特是不是把自己的妝化得活像一只受了傷的浣熊。

我保證利奈特絕對(duì)不會(huì)吸取教訓(xùn)。

我收拾東西逃回房間，當(dāng)然，這根本無(wú)濟(jì)于事。他們?cè)趯?duì)街開(kāi)動(dòng)電鋸，發(fā)出陣陣哀號(hào)聲，在電鋸切割的間隙，我還能聽(tīng)到錘子乓乓乓的敲擊聲。

我從窗戶(hù)望出去，看到了朱莉，她從嘴里吐出釘子，把它們敲進(jìn)正確的位置。沒(méi)錯(cuò)。她把釘子排成一排叼在嘴里，就像一排鐵做的香煙，同時(shí)她掄圓了鐵錘，高高地?fù)]過(guò)頭頂，把釘子打進(jìn)木樁，就像插進(jìn)奶油里一樣輕松。

有那么一瞬間，我覺(jué)得她的錘子仿佛敲在我的腦袋上，然后它像蛋殼一樣裂開(kāi)了。我顫抖著放下窗簾，丟下作業(yè)，跑去看電視了。

他們干了整整一星期。每天晚上外公回家的時(shí)候總是兩頰通紅，胃口大開(kāi)，并且盛贊媽媽的廚藝。然后到了星期六。當(dāng)外公在朱莉家院子里翻土植樹(shù)的時(shí)候，我絕不想待在家里。媽媽企圖說(shuō)服我去整理自家的院子，可是，當(dāng)外公和朱莉在對(duì)街幫那里脫胎換骨的時(shí)候，我在這邊給草坪來(lái)個(gè)微調(diào)，豈不是很荒謬？

所以，我把自己反鎖在屋里，給加利特打電話。他不在家，我找過(guò)的任何一個(gè)人都有事要做。央求媽媽或者爸爸開(kāi)車(chē)帶我去電影院或者商場(chǎng)肯定沒(méi)希望了。他們一定會(huì)說(shuō)，我本來(lái)應(yīng)該去整理院子的。

我感覺(jué)自己被困住了。

結(jié)果，我不由自主地透過(guò)窗戶(hù)傻乎乎地望著朱莉和我外公。這實(shí)在很詭異，可我確實(shí)這么做了。

而且我還被人發(fā)現(xiàn)了，是外公發(fā)現(xiàn)的。當(dāng)然，他把我指給朱莉看，這讓我在她面前憑空又矮了一頭。我放下窗簾，撞開(kāi)后門(mén)，跳過(guò)圍欄。我非要出去不可。

那天我恨不得走了十里路。我也不知道該生誰(shuí)的氣——外公，朱莉，還是自己。我這是怎么了？如果我想跟朱莉和好，為什么不能直接走過(guò)去幫忙？是什么阻止了我？

我來(lái)到加利特家門(mén)口，上帝，我從來(lái)沒(méi)有那么高興見(jiàn)到誰(shuí)。

讓加利特幫我忘掉這一切吧。

這正是這位老兄擅長(zhǎng)的。我們打籃球、看電視、聊起今年夏天坐水滑梯的事。

當(dāng)我回到家，朱莉正在給院子灑水。

她看見(jiàn)我了，這也就算了，可是她既不跟我打招呼也沒(méi)有露出笑容，她什么也沒(méi)做，她只是轉(zhuǎn)開(kāi)了目光。

假如是平時(shí)，我大概會(huì)假裝沒(méi)看見(jiàn)她，或者飛快地?fù)]揮手，然后溜進(jìn)屋里。可她已經(jīng)生我的氣很久了。自從她撞見(jiàn)我扔雞蛋的那天起，就再也沒(méi)有跟我說(shuō)過(guò)一個(gè)字。

幾天前的數(shù)學(xué)課上，我沖她微笑，想告訴她我很抱歉，可她徹底地?zé)o視我的存在。她沒(méi)有笑、沒(méi)有點(diǎn)頭、沒(méi)有任何反應(yīng)，只是轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)頭去，再也不看我一眼。

我甚至在教室外面等著跟她說(shuō)幾句話，說(shuō)什么都行，比如她整修院子的事，或者告訴她我有多難過(guò)，但她躲著我從另一個(gè)門(mén)出去了。在這之后，任何時(shí)候我只要一靠近，她就找機(jī)會(huì)從我旁邊溜掉。

現(xiàn)在，她在那里給院子灑水，讓我覺(jué)得自己像個(gè)渾蛋，我受夠了。我走上去對(duì)她說(shuō)：“院子漂亮多了，朱莉。干得不錯(cuò)?！?/p>

“謝謝，”她板著臉說(shuō)，“大部分都是查特做的?！?/p>

查特？我思考著。查特？她是怎么想的，敢叫我外公的名字？

“聽(tīng)著，朱莉，”我努力回到自己的本意，“對(duì)我做過(guò)的事，我感到非常抱歉?！?/p>

她看了我一會(huì)兒，然后轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)頭去繼續(xù)盯著水霧灑在土地上。

最后她終于開(kāi)口了：“我還是不明白，布萊斯。你為什么就不能直接告訴我呢？”

“我……我不知道。沒(méi)法解釋。我應(yīng)該告訴你的，而且我不應(yīng)該說(shuō)你家院子的壞話。那些話，你知道，真是太過(guò)分了?！?/p>

我感覺(jué)好多了，好了很多。只聽(tīng)朱莉說(shuō)道：“好吧，也許一切都會(huì)好起來(lái)的，”她用前腳掌跳了跳，就像原來(lái)一樣，“這里看上去怎么樣？查特教了我很多東西，太棒了。你真幸運(yùn)，我的祖父母都不在了?！?/p>

“哦?！蔽也恢涝撜f(shuō)些什么。

“不過(guò)，我真為他難過(guò)。他肯定還在想念你的外婆?！比缓笏α?，搖搖頭說(shuō)，“你能相信嗎？他說(shuō)我讓他想起了你的外婆。”

“什么？”

“真的，”她又笑了，“就是這樣，不過(guò)他說(shuō)得更婉轉(zhuǎn)?！?/p>

我看著朱莉，想象我八年級(jí)時(shí)外婆的樣子，這太難了。我是說(shuō)，朱莉有一頭蓬松的棕色長(zhǎng)發(fā)，一個(gè)長(zhǎng)滿(mǎn)雀斑的鼻子，而我外婆總是以金發(fā)的形象示人，而且外婆以前擦粉。松軟的白色粉末，她擦在臉上，頭發(fā)上，還有鞋子和胸脯……所有的東西上面。

我想象不出朱莉擦上粉是什么樣子。好吧，也許可以沾些黑灰色的火藥粉末，但是白色的香粉……還是算了。

我想自己一定在盯著她看，因?yàn)橹炖蛘f(shuō)：“瞧，這不是我說(shuō)的，是他說(shuō)的。我只是挺高興聽(tīng)他這么說(shuō)?！?/p>

“是啊，管他呢。哦，祝你的草能活下來(lái)。我敢肯定它們會(huì)很茂盛的?！蔽艺f(shuō)出來(lái)的話讓自己都吃了一驚，“我了解你，你連小雞都能孵出來(lái)?！蔽覜](méi)有任何別的意思，只是說(shuō)出我真實(shí)的想法。我笑了，她也笑了，我離開(kāi)她家的時(shí)候也是一樣——給未來(lái)的草坪澆著水，面帶微笑。

我已經(jīng)好幾個(gè)星期沒(méi)這么高興過(guò)了。雞蛋事件終于被我拋在腦后。我有種如蒙大赦的感覺(jué)，解脫并快樂(lè)著。

晚餐時(shí)分，我花了幾分鐘的時(shí)間才意識(shí)到，我是唯一一個(gè)心情愉快的人。利奈特和平時(shí)一樣悶悶不樂(lè)，就不去管她了。而爸爸一上來(lái)就劈頭蓋臉地因?yàn)椴萜旱氖铝R了我一頓。

“沒(méi)問(wèn)題，”我告訴他，“我明天一定去。”

這樣一來(lái)，我也變得滿(mǎn)面愁容。

媽媽對(duì)外公說(shuō)：“爸爸，你今晚很累？”

他坐在那里安靜得像塊石頭，我?guī)缀鯖](méi)注意到。

“是啊，”爸爸吃完他面前的飯菜，“那個(gè)姑娘讓你干了太多活兒？”

外公用餐巾擦了擦叉子，然后說(shuō)道：“那個(gè)姑娘的名字叫朱莉，不，她不像你說(shuō)的冷酷無(wú)情，‘讓我干太多活兒’。”

“冷酷無(wú)情？我？”爸爸笑了，“你現(xiàn)在對(duì)那個(gè)姑娘真是情有獨(dú)鐘啊，不是嗎？”

有那么一個(gè)瞬間，連利奈特似乎都不再噘著嘴了。這是挑釁，人人都看得出來(lái)。

媽媽用腳推著爸爸，可是這讓事情變得更糟?！安?，佩西！我只想知道，為什么你爸爸連跟他自己的外孫玩玩棒球都做不到，卻有那么多精力和愿望跟陌生人交朋友！”

哦，是?。∥乙策@么認(rèn)為。但我又記起來(lái)——我欠外公一個(gè)人情，欠他一個(gè)巨大的人情。

我想都沒(méi)想就脫口而出：“冷靜點(diǎn)兒，爸爸。朱莉只是讓外公想起了外婆?！?/p>

所有人都閉上嘴，朝我看過(guò)來(lái)。于是我看著外公說(shuō)：“呃……是不是這樣，外公？”

他點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭，繼續(xù)擺弄叉子。

“讓你想起蕾妮？”爸爸看看媽媽?zhuān)倏纯赐夤?，“不可能！?/p>

外公閉上眼睛：“她的性格讓我想起蕾妮?！?/p>

“她的性格？”爸爸說(shuō)。他就像在跟一個(gè)說(shuō)謊的幼兒園小孩兒對(duì)話。

“沒(méi)錯(cuò)，她的性格?！蓖夤聊艘粫?huì)兒，問(wèn)道，“你們知道貝克家為什么直到現(xiàn)在都沒(méi)有修整院子嗎？”

“為什么？這是明擺著的。他們?nèi)切U物，就是這樣。他們有一間破破爛爛的房子，兩輛破破爛爛的車(chē)和一個(gè)破破爛爛的院子?！?/p>

“他們不是廢物，瑞克。他們是好人，誠(chéng)實(shí)的人，努力工作的人——”

“也是些對(duì)自己展現(xiàn)給他人的形象一點(diǎn)兒自豪感也沒(méi)有的人。他們住在我家對(duì)街已經(jīng)超過(guò)六年了，對(duì)于現(xiàn)在的狀況，他們找不到任何借口。”

“沒(méi)有嗎？”外公深吸一口氣，像是在心里權(quán)衡了一下，然后他說(shuō)，“瑞克，告訴我。假如你有一個(gè)在心理或者生理上有嚴(yán)重缺陷的兄弟姐妹，或是子女，你會(huì)怎么做？”

就像外公在教堂里放了個(gè)屁一樣，爸爸的臉皺成一團(tuán)，搖著頭，最后說(shuō)道：“查特，這有什么關(guān)系嗎？”

外公盯著他看了很久，然后輕輕地說(shuō)：“朱莉的爸爸有個(gè)智障的兄弟，而且——”

爸爸打斷了他，笑著說(shuō)：“好吧，這很說(shuō)明問(wèn)題了，對(duì)不對(duì)?！?/p>

“很……說(shuō)明問(wèn)題？”外公輕聲地、冷靜地問(wèn)道。

“當(dāng)然！這足夠說(shuō)明那家人為什么像現(xiàn)在這樣！”他笑了，輪番看著我們。

“那是遺傳病。”

人人都看著他。利奈特露出驚訝的表情，她頭一次語(yǔ)塞了。媽媽說(shuō)：“瑞克！”爸爸只能緊張地笑了笑：“我是在開(kāi)玩笑！我是說(shuō)，他們家一定有什么地方出了問(wèn)題。哦，對(duì)不起，查特。我忘了，那個(gè)姑娘讓你想起了蕾妮。”

“瑞克！”媽媽再一次叫道，現(xiàn)在她真的生氣了。

“哦，佩西，拜托。你爸爸過(guò)分煽情了，他搬出一個(gè)不知道在哪里的弱智親戚，只是想讓我因?yàn)榕u(píng)鄰居而感到內(nèi)疚。每個(gè)家庭都有每個(gè)家庭的問(wèn)題，可他們還是會(huì)收拾好草坪。他們應(yīng)該對(duì)自己的產(chǎn)業(yè)有點(diǎn)責(zé)任感，哦，真讓人受不了！”

外公的臉因?yàn)榧?dòng)而發(fā)紅，但他的聲音一直很平靜：“那所房子不是他們的產(chǎn)業(yè)，瑞克。房主本應(yīng)該負(fù)責(zé)房屋的清潔工作，但他沒(méi)有做到。由于朱莉的爸爸要對(duì)他的兄弟負(fù)責(zé)，所以他們?nèi)康氖杖攵加脕?lái)照顧他的兄弟了，這顯然要花很多錢(qián)。”

媽媽的聲音很輕很輕：“政府部門(mén)不管他嗎？”

“我不清楚細(xì)節(jié)，佩西。也許附近沒(méi)有這樣的政府救濟(jì)部門(mén)。也許他們覺(jué)得私人陪護(hù)對(duì)他更好?！?/p>

“還是一樣，”爸爸說(shuō)，“政府有相應(yīng)的救濟(jì)措施，如果他們不去依靠，那是他們的選擇。他家有什么染色體變異的問(wèn)題并不是我們的責(zé)任，我一點(diǎn)兒也不覺(jué)得內(nèi)疚——”

外公一拍桌子，幾乎站了起來(lái)：“這跟染色體沒(méi)有任何關(guān)系，瑞克！那是由出生時(shí)缺氧造成的?！彼诺土寺曇?，卻讓他的話聽(tīng)上去更有說(shuō)服力了。

“朱莉的叔叔出生時(shí)臍帶繞頸兩周。前一秒鐘他還是個(gè)完全正常的嬰兒，就像你兒子布萊斯一樣，后一秒鐘他就留下了永久性的創(chuàng)傷?！?/p>

媽媽忽然歇斯底里地爆發(fā)了。幾秒鐘之內(nèi)，她哭得淚如泉涌，爸爸摟著她，試圖讓她鎮(zhèn)靜下來(lái)，可是沒(méi)有用。她根本哭得無(wú)法自拔。

利奈特扔下餐巾嘟囔著“這個(gè)家簡(jiǎn)直是個(gè)笑話”，然后走了。媽媽匆忙地離開(kāi)房間，用手捂著臉，抽泣著，爸爸跟在她后面，臨走時(shí)扔給外公一個(gè)我從來(lái)沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)的兇狠表情。

現(xiàn)在只剩外公和我對(duì)著一桌冷掉的食物?！巴?，”我終于開(kāi)口，“我不知道這是怎么回事。”

“他們還沒(méi)有告訴你?！彼麑?duì)我說(shuō)。

“什么意思？”

他像塊花崗巖一樣沉默著，然后靠在桌子上對(duì)我說(shuō)：“你覺(jué)得是什么讓你媽媽這么難過(guò)？”

“我……我不知道，”我擠出一個(gè)勉強(qiáng)的笑容，“因?yàn)樗桥?？?/p>

他幾乎不動(dòng)聲色地笑了笑：“不對(duì)。她很難過(guò)，是因?yàn)樗雷约翰钜稽c(diǎn)兒就跟貝克先生有一樣的遭遇?！?/p>

我認(rèn)真地想了想，然后說(shuō)道：“她的兄弟出生的時(shí)候也是臍帶繞頸？”

他搖搖頭。

“呃，那是……”

他靠得更近了，低聲對(duì)我說(shuō)：“是你?！?/p>

“我？”

他點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭：“繞頸兩周?！?/p>

“可是……”

“給你接生的醫(yī)生很能干，而且臍帶繞得不算太緊，所以他能夠在你出生的時(shí)候把它松開(kāi)。你沒(méi)有在出生的時(shí)候被自己勒死，但悲劇很可能就這樣發(fā)生了。”

如果早幾年，甚至早幾個(gè)星期有人告訴我出生的時(shí)候可能被勒死，我一定會(huì)拿來(lái)開(kāi)開(kāi)玩笑，而且我大概會(huì)說(shuō)，是啊，這很好，但是現(xiàn)在，我根本不想跟誰(shuí)討論這件事。

但是經(jīng)歷了這么多，我已經(jīng)接近崩潰了，我的腦子里不能自已地徘徊著一個(gè)問(wèn)題。如果情況不同，我會(huì)怎么樣？他們會(huì)怎樣對(duì)待我？聽(tīng)爸爸的意思，他不會(huì)花太多心思在我身上，這是肯定的。他會(huì)把我放在某個(gè)精神病院，或其他什么地方，然后忘記我的存在。但我又想，不！我是他兒子，他不會(huì)那么做……

他真的不會(huì)嗎？

我環(huán)顧家里的一切——大房子，白色的地毯，古董和藝術(shù)品，諸如此類(lèi)。他們會(huì)為了讓我過(guò)上更好的生活而放棄這一切嗎？

我很懷疑，非常懷疑。我會(huì)是個(gè)讓他們難堪的東西，是他們極力想忘掉的東西。我的父母一向看重事物的外在，尤其是爸爸。

外公輕輕地說(shuō)：“不要去設(shè)想沒(méi)有發(fā)生的事，布萊斯?！彼路鹉芸吹轿业南敕?，又加了一句，“為了他沒(méi)做的事而譴責(zé)他，是不公平的?！?/p>

我點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭，試圖平靜下來(lái)，卻仍然思緒萬(wàn)千。他說(shuō)：“對(duì)了，謝謝你剛才幫我說(shuō)話。”

“什么？”我問(wèn)，喉嚨里感到一陣抽搐和腫脹。

“關(guān)于你的外婆。你怎么知道的？”

我搖搖頭：“朱莉告訴我了?！?/p>

“哦？你終于跟她說(shuō)話了？”

“是的。實(shí)際上，我去跟她道歉了?！?/p>

“哦！”

“這讓我感覺(jué)好多了，不過(guò)現(xiàn)在……上帝，我覺(jué)得自己又變成渾蛋了?！?/p>

“別這樣。你道歉了，這才是最重要的?！彼酒饋?lái)說(shuō)，“我想出去走走。你要跟我一起去嗎？”

出去走走？我現(xiàn)在只想回到房間，鎖上門(mén)，一個(gè)人待著。

“我覺(jué)得這有助于清空頭腦。”他說(shuō)。我發(fā)現(xiàn)這不僅僅是出去走走——而是邀請(qǐng)我和他一起去做點(diǎn)什么。

我站了起來(lái)：“好，我們出去吧?！?/p>

外公從一個(gè)只會(huì)對(duì)我說(shuō)“把鹽遞過(guò)來(lái)”的人，變成了一個(gè)真正健談的朋友。我們?cè)诟浇阶咴竭h(yuǎn)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)外公不只懂得很多，還是個(gè)有趣的人。這很微妙。不僅是他所談及的東西，還有他講話的方式。我想，這種感覺(jué)真的很酷。

在回家的路上，我們經(jīng)過(guò)無(wú)花果樹(shù)曾經(jīng)屹立的地方，那里現(xiàn)在是一所房子。外公停下來(lái)望著夜空，說(shuō)：“那里一定曾有過(guò)壯觀的景色?！?/p>

我也把頭抬起來(lái)，頭一次發(fā)現(xiàn)這里的夜晚能看到星星?！澳阋?jiàn)過(guò)她爬上去嗎？”我問(wèn)他。

“有一次開(kāi)車(chē)經(jīng)過(guò)這里的時(shí)候，你媽媽曾指給我看過(guò)。她爬得那么高，把我嚇了一跳，不過(guò)，讀了那篇新聞，我明白她為什么要這么做?！彼麚u搖頭，“樹(shù)被砍掉了，可是她仍然保留著那棵樹(shù)給她帶來(lái)的快樂(lè)和感動(dòng)。你明白我的意思嗎？”

我很高興自己不用回答這個(gè)問(wèn)題。他只是笑了笑，接著說(shuō)道：“有人住高樓，有人在深溝。有人光萬(wàn)丈，有人一身銹。世人萬(wàn)千種，浮云莫去求。斯人若彩虹，遇上方知有?！?/p>

走到我家的門(mén)廊，外公把手放在我的肩膀上：“很高興跟你一起散步，布萊斯。我很開(kāi)心?！?/p>

“我也是?！蔽腋嬖V他。然后我們一起走進(jìn)屋子。

我們馬上意識(shí)到，走進(jìn)了一個(gè)戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)。雖然沒(méi)有人叫喊哭泣，但從父母的表情我就能看出來(lái)，我和外公出門(mén)的時(shí)候，這里經(jīng)歷了一次重大危機(jī)。

外公悄悄地對(duì)我說(shuō)：“我想，我得去修修這道‘圍欄’了?！彼呦蚩蛷d，去和爸爸媽媽談一談。

我對(duì)眼前的氣氛束手無(wú)策。我直接回到房間，關(guān)上門(mén)，撲倒在床上，陷入一片黑暗。

躺在那兒，我在心里回放著晚餐時(shí)的爭(zhēng)執(zhí)。心煩意亂之間，我坐起來(lái)，望著窗外。貝克家的房子里亮著燈，街燈亮得刺眼，可是夜幕仍然是一片厚重的黑色。似乎比平時(shí)還要暗，也許更沉重。

我靠近窗戶(hù)，仰望天空，但是看不到一顆星星。

我不知道朱莉有沒(méi)有在夜里爬上無(wú)花果樹(shù)，坐在滿(mǎn)天星斗中間。

我搖搖頭。平庸，華麗，或是燦爛。那又怎么樣？對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，朱莉安娜·貝克從來(lái)都是平淡而枯燥的。

我打開(kāi)臺(tái)燈，從抽屜里翻出報(bào)道朱莉的那份報(bào)紙。

和我想的一樣——他們恨不得把朱莉?qū)懗珊葱l(wèi)國(guó)會(huì)山的斗士。他們管她叫“來(lái)自都市荒原的強(qiáng)大呼聲”以及“一座光芒四射的燈塔，闡明了我們的需求：遏制對(duì)我們?cè)?jīng)古雅安寧的社區(qū)的過(guò)度開(kāi)發(fā)”。

饒了我吧。我是說(shuō)，一個(gè)人為了在自己的土地上蓋房子而砍掉一棵樹(shù)，這有什么不對(duì)呢？那是他的土地，他的樹(shù)，他的決定，就是這樣。這篇文章讓我想吐。

除了文中引用的朱莉自己的話。也許是為了和記者的觀點(diǎn)作個(gè)對(duì)比，但是有關(guān)朱莉的部分并不像我想象的那樣自傷自憐。我不知道該怎么說(shuō)，它們看起來(lái)……呃，很深刻。坐在樹(shù)上讓她變得非常富有哲理。

奇怪的是，她的話我完全能夠理解。她講述了坐在樹(shù)上的感覺(jué)，還說(shuō)那不僅僅是空間上的區(qū)別?！斑h(yuǎn)離地面，被風(fēng)吹拂著，”她說(shuō)，“就像你的心被美撞了一下?！蹦阏J(rèn)識(shí)的哪個(gè)初中生能說(shuō)出這種話？反正我的朋友里一個(gè)都沒(méi)有。

不只是這些，她還說(shuō)了什么整體可以遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)大于組成它的各部分之和，以及人們?yōu)槭裁葱枰承〇|西帶著他們抽離日常生活，讓他們感受到生命的奇跡。

我把關(guān)于她的部分讀了一遍又一遍，想知道她什么時(shí)候開(kāi)始思考這些東西。我是說(shuō)，不開(kāi)玩笑，朱莉安娜·貝克很聰明，但這些東西已經(jīng)遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過(guò)了功課全A的范疇。

如果我一個(gè)月前讀到這篇文章，我會(huì)把它當(dāng)成垃圾丟進(jìn)垃圾箱，但是不知為何，它現(xiàn)在對(duì)我有了新的意義。非常有意義。

一個(gè)月以前，我也絕對(duì)不會(huì)注意朱莉的照片，但現(xiàn)在我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己正在盯著它看。不是那幅全景照片——那上面的緊急救援裝備占的地方比朱莉還大。是另外一張照片，在下半個(gè)版面。攝影師大概用了長(zhǎng)焦鏡頭，你能看到她在樹(shù)上，但只露出肩膀以上的部分。她望著遠(yuǎn)方，風(fēng)把頭發(fā)吹向背后，仿佛她正開(kāi)著一條船，駛向太陽(yáng)。

這么多年，我一直躲著朱莉安娜·貝克，從來(lái)沒(méi)有好好看過(guò)她的樣子，而現(xiàn)在，我忽然無(wú)法自拔地凝視著她。這種奇怪的感覺(jué)漸漸充斥了我的胃，我不喜歡這樣。一點(diǎn)兒也不喜歡。說(shuō)實(shí)話，這種感覺(jué)把我嚇得夠嗆。

我把報(bào)紙塞在枕頭底下，試圖提醒自己朱莉安娜·貝克曾經(jīng)給我?guī)?lái)的痛苦。

可是我的思緒很快就飄向別的地方，沒(méi)過(guò)多久，我又把這份愚蠢的報(bào)紙從枕頭底下掏出來(lái)。

這太瘋狂了！我在干什么？

我強(qiáng)迫自己關(guān)上燈，躺在床上。心情漸漸平復(fù)，好吧，是時(shí)候該放松點(diǎn)兒了。

Chapter 07

Get a Grip, Man

BRYCE

It didn't take long for me to realize that I'd traded in my old problems with Juli Baker for a whole new set of problems with Juli Baker. I could feel her anger a mile away.

It was actually worse having her mad at me than having her harass me. Why? Because I'd screwed up, that's why. I had egg all over my face, and blaming it on her yard had done nothing to wash it off. The way she ignored me, or so obviously avoided me, was a screaming loud reminder to me that I'd been a jerk. A royal cluck-faced jerk.

Then one day I'm coming home from hanging out with Garrett after school, and there's Juli in her front yard, hacking at a shrub. She is thrashing on the thing. Branches are flying over her shoulder, and clear across the street I can hear her grunting and growling and saying stuff like, "No... you... don't! You are coming... off... whether you like it or... not!"

Did I feel good about this? No, my friend, I did not. Yeah, their yard was a mess, and it was about time someone did something about it, but c'mon — where's the dad? What about Matt and Mike? Why Juli?

Because I'd embarrassed her into it, that's why. I felt worse than ever.

So I snuck inside and tried to ignore the fact that here's my desk and here's my window, and right across the street from me is Juli, beating up a bush. Not conducive to concentration. No siree, Bob. I got all of zero homework done.

The next day at school I was trying to get up the nerve to say something to her, but I never even got the chance. She wouldn't let me get anywhere near her.

Then on the ride home I had this thought. It kind of freaked me out at first, but the more I played with it, the more I figured that, yeah, helping her with the yard would make up for my having been such a jerk. Assuming she didn't boss me too much, and assuming she didn't decide to get all gooey-eyed or something stupid like that. No, I'd go up and just tell her that I felt bad for being a jerk and I wanted to make it up to her by helping her cut back some bushes. Period. End of story. And if she still wanted to be mad at me after that, then fine. That was her problem.

My problem was, I never got the chance. I came trekking down from the bus stop to find my grandfather doing my good deed.

Now, jump back. This was not something I could immediately absorb. My grandfather did not do yard work. At least, he'd never offered to help me out. My grandfather lived in house slippers —where'd he get those work boots? And those jeans and that flannel shirt —what was up with those?

I crouched behind a neighbor's hedge and watched them for ten or fifteen minutes, and man, the longer I watched, the madder I got. My grandfather had already said more to her in this little slice of time than he'd said to me the whole year and a half he'd been living with us. What was his deal with Juli Baker?

I took the back way home, which involved climbing two fences and kicking off the neighbor's stupid little terrier, but it was worth it, considering I avoided the garden party across the street.

Again I got no homework done. The more I watched them, the madder I got. I was still a cluck-faced jerk, while Juli was laughing it up with my grandfather. Had I ever seen him smile? Really smile? I don't think so! But now he was knee-high in nettles, laughing.

At dinner that night he'd showered and changed back into his regular clothes and house slippers, but he didn't look the same. It was like someone had plugged him in and turned on the light.

Good evening, he said as he sat down with the rest of us. "Oh, Patsy, that looks delicious!"

Well, Dad, my mom said with a laugh, "your excursion across the street seems to have done you a world of good."

Yeah, my father said. "Patsy tells me you've been over there all afternoon. If you were in the mood for home improvement projects, why didn't you just say so?"

My father was just joking around, but I don't think my grandfather took it that way. He helped himself to a cheese-stuffed potato and said, "Pass the salt, won't you, Bryce?"

So there was this definite tension between my father and my grandfather, but I think if Dad had dropped the subject right then, the vibe would've vanished.

Dad didn't drop it, though. Instead, he said, "So why's the girl the one who's finally doing something about their place?"

My grandfather salted his potato very carefully, then looked across the table at me. Ah-oh, I thought. Ah-oh. In a flash I knew those stupid eggs were not behind me. Two years of sneaking them in the trash, two years of avoiding discussion of Juli and her eggs and her chickens and her early-morning visits, and for what? Granddad knew, I could see it in his eyes. In a matter of seconds he'd crack open the truth, and I'd be as good as fried.

Enter a miracle. My grandfather petrified me for a minute with his eyes but then turned to my father and said, "She wants to, is all."

A raging river of sweat ran down my temples, and as my father said, "Well, it's about time someone did," my grandfather looked back at me and I knew — he was not going to let me forget this. We'd just had another conversation, only this time I was definitely not dismissed.

After the dishes were cleared, I retreated to my room, but my grandfather came right in, closed the door behind him, and then sat on my bed. He did this all without making a sound. No squeaking, no clanking, no scraping, no breathing ... I swear, the guy moved through my room like a ghost.

And of course I'm banging my knee and dropping my pencil and deteriorating into a pathetic pool of Jell-O. But I tried my best to sound cool as I said, "Hello, Granddad. Come to check out the digs?"

He pinched his lips together and looked at nothing but me.

I cracked. "Look, Granddad, I know I messed up. I should've just told her, but I couldn't. And I kept thinking they'd stop. I mean, how long can a chicken lay eggs? Those thing shatched in the fifth grade! That was like, three years ago! Don't they eventually run out? And what was I supposed to do? Tell her Mom was afraid of salmonella poisoning? And Dad wanted me to tell her we were allergic — c'mon, who's going to buy that? So I just kept, you know, throwing them out. I didn't know she could've sold them. I thought they were just extras."

He was nodding, but very slowly.

I sighed and said, "Thank you for not saying anything about it at dinner. I owe you."

He pulled my curtain aside and looked across the street. "One's character is set at an early age, son. The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life." He was quiet for a minute, then dropped the curtain and said, "I hate to see you swim out so far you can't swim back."

Yes, sir.

He frowned and said, "Don't yes-sir me, Bryce." Then he stood and added, "Just think about what I've said, and the next time you're faced with a choice, do the right thing. It hurts everyone less in the long run."

With that, poof, he was gone.

The next day I went to shoot some hoops at Garrett's after school, and when his mom dropped me off later that afternoon, my granddad didn't even notice. He was too busy being Joe Carpenter in Juli's front yard.

I tried to do my homework at the breakfast bar, but my mom came home from work and started being all chatty, and then Lynetta appeared and the two of them started fighting about whether Lynetta's makeup made her look like a wounded raccoon.

Lynetta. I swear she'll never learn.

I packed up my stuff and escaped to my room, which, of course, was a total waste. They've got a saw revving and wailing across the street, and in between cuts I can hear the whack, whack, whack! whack, whack, whack! of a hammer. I look out the window and there's Juli, spitting out nails and slamming them in place. No kidding. She's got nails lined up between her lips like steel cigarettes, and she's swinging that hammer full-arc, way above her head, driving nails into pickets like they're going into butter.

For a split second there, I saw my head as the recipient of her hammer, cracking open like Humpty Dumpty. I shuddered and dropped the curtain, ditched the homework, and headed for the TV.

They handymanned all week. And every night Granddad would come in with rosy cheeks and a huge appetite and compliment my mom on what a great cook she was. Then Saturday happened. And the last thing I wanted was to spend the day at home while my grandfather churned up dirt and helped plant Juli's yard. Mom tried to get me to do our own yard, but I would have felt ridiculous micromowing our grass with Granddad and Juli making real changes right across the street.

So I locked myself in my room and called Garrett. He wasn't home, and everybody else I called had stuff they had to do. And hitting up Mom or Dad for a ride to the movies or the mall was hopeless. They'd tell me I was supposed to be doing the yard.

What I was, was stuck.

And what I wound up doing was looking out the stupid window at Juli and my grandfather. It was a totally lame thing to do, but that's what I did.

I got nailed doing it, too. By my grandfather. And he, of course, had to point me out to Juli, which made me feel another two inches shorter. I dropped the curtain and blasted out the back door and over the fence. I had to get out of there.

I swear I walked ten miles that day. And I don't know who I was madder at — my grandfather, Juli, or me. What was wrong with me? If I wanted to make it up to Juli, why didn't I just go over there and help? What was stopping me?

I wound up at Garrett's house, and man, I'd never been so glad to see anyone in my life. Leave it to Garrett to get your mind off anything important. That dude's the master. We went out back and shot hoops,watched the tube, and talked about hitting the water slides this summer.

And when I got home, there was Juli, sprinkling the yard.

She saw me, all right, but she didn't wave or smile or anything. She just looked away.

Normally what I'd do in that situation is maybe pretend like I hadn't seen her, or give a quick wave and charge inside. But she'd been mad at me for what seemed like ages. She hadn't said word one to me since the morning of the eggs. She'd completely dissed me in math a couple days before when I'd smiled at her, trying to tell her I was sorry. She didn't smile back or nod or anything. She just turned away and never looked back.

I even waited for her outside the classroom to say something, anything, about her fixing up the yard and how bad I felt, but she ditched me out the other door, and after that anytime I got anywhere near her, she'd find some way to skate around me.

So there she was, watering the yard, making me feel like a jerk, and I'd had enough of it. I went up to her and said, "It's looking real good, Juli. Nice job."

Thanks, she said without smiling. "Chet did most of it."

Chet? I thought. Chet? What was she doing, calling my grandfather by his first name? "Look, Juli," I said, trying to get on with why I was there. "I'm sorry for what I did."

She looked at me for a second, then went back to watching the water spray across the dirt. Finally she said, "I still don't get it, Bryce.Why didn't you just tell me?"

I... I don't know. It was dumb. I should have. And I shouldn't have said anything about the yard, either. It was, you know, out of line.

I was already feeling better. A lot better. Then Juli says, "Well, maybe it's all for the better," and starts bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, acting more like her old self. "Doesn't it look great? I learned so much from Chet it's amazing. You are so lucky. I don't even have grandparents anymore."

Oh, I said, not knowing what to say.

I do feel sorry for him, though. He sure misses your grandmother. Then she laughs and shakes her head, saying, "Can you believe it? He says I remind him of her."

What?

Yeah, she laughs again. "That's what I said. But he meant it in a nice way."

I looked at Juli and tried to picture my grandmother as an eighth grader. It was hopeless. I mean, Juli's got long, fluffy brown hair and a nose full of freckles, where my grandmother had always been some variety of blond. And my grandmother had used powder. Puffy white powder. She'd put it on her face and in her hair, in her slippers and on her chest... That woman powdered everything.

I could not see Juli coated in powder. Okay, maybe gun powder, but the white perfume stuff? Forget it.

I guess I was staring, because Juli says, "Look, I didn't say it, he did. I just thought it was nice, that's all."

Yeah, whatever. Well, good luck with the grass. I'm sure it'll come up great. Then I totally surprised myself by saying, "Knowing you, you'll get 'em all to hatch." I didn't say it mean or anything, I really meant it. I laughed, and then she laughed, and that's how I left her — sprinkling her soon-to-be sod, smiling.

I hadn't been in such a good mood in weeks. The eggs were finally behind me. I was absolved. Relieved. Happy.

It took me a few minutes at the dinner table to realize that I was the only one who was. Lynetta had on her usual pout, so that wasn't it. But my father's idea of saying hello was to lay into me about the lawn.

No sweat, I told him. "I'll do it tomorrow."

All that got me was a scowl.

Then Mom says to my granddad, "You tired tonight, Dad?"

I hadn't even noticed him sitting there like a stone.

Yeah, my father tosses down the table at him. "That girl working you too hard?"

My grandfather straightens his fork on his napkin and says, "'That girl' is named Juli, and no, she isn't 'working me too hard,' as you so callously put it."

Callous? Me? My dad laughs and says, "Developed quite a soft spot for that girl, haven't you?"

Even Lynetta let her pout go for a minute. These were fighting words and everyone knew it. Mom nudged Dad with her foot, but that only made things worse. "No, Patsy! I want to know why your father has the energy and inclination to befriend a complete stranger when he's never done so much as toss a baseball around with his own grandson!"

Well, yeah! I thought. But then I remembered — I owed my grandfather. Owed him big-time. Without thinking, I said, "Take it easy, Dad. Juli just reminds him of Grandma."

Everyone clammed up and stared at me. So I looked at my grandfather and said, "Uh... isn't that right, Granddad?"

He nodded and rearranged his fork some more.

Of Renée? My father looked at my mother and then at Granddad. "She can't possibly!"

My granddad closed his eyes and said, "It's her spirit that reminds me of Renée."

Her spirit, my father says. Like he's talking to a lying kindergartner.

Yes, her spirit. My grandfather's quiet for a minute, then asks, "Do you know why the Bakers haven't fixed up the yard until now?"

Why? Sure. They're trash, that's why. They've got a beat-up house, two beat-up cars, and a beat-up yard.

They are not trash, Rick. They are good, honest, hardworking people —

Who have absolutely no pride in how they present themselves to the rest of the world. We've lived across the street from those people for over six years, and there is no excuse for the state they're in.

No? My grandfather takes a deep breath and seems to weigh things in his mind for a few seconds. Then he says, "Tell me this, Rick. If you had a brother or sister or child who had a severe mental or physical handicap, what would you do?"

It was like my granddad had passed gas in church. My father's face pinched, his head shook, and finally he said, "Chet, what does t