每天讀一點(diǎn)英文:那些美好而憂傷的記憶 20 與父親共舞

A Dance with Dad

I am dancing with my father at my parents' 50th-wedding-anniver-sary celebration. The band is playing an old-fashioned waltz as we move gracefully across the floor. His hand on my waist is as guiding as it always was, and he hums the tune to himself in a steady, youthful way. Around and around we go, laughing and nodding to the other dancers.

We are the best dancers on the floor, they tell us. My father squeezes my hand and smiles at me. All the years that I refused to dance with him melt away now. And those early times come back.

I remember when I was almost three and my father came home from work, swooped me into his arms and began to dance me around the table. My mother laughed at us, told us dinner would get cold. But my father said, "She's just caught the rhythm of the dance! Our dinner can wait." Then he sang out, "Roll out the barrel, let's have a barrel of fun," and I sang back, "Let's get those blues on the run."

We danced through the years. One night when I was 15, lost in some painful, adolescent mood. My father put on a stack of records and teased me to dance with him. "C'mon," he said, "let's get those blues on the run."

When I turned away from him, my father put his hand on my shoulder, and I jumped out of the chair screaming, "Don't touch me! I am sick and tired of dancing with you!" I saw the hurt on his face, but words were out and I could not call them back. I ran to my room sobbing hysterically.

We did not dance together after that night. I found other partners, and my father waited up for me after dances, sitting in his favorite chair. Sometimes he would be asleep when I came in, and I would wake him, saying, "If you were so tired, you should have gone to bed."

"No, no," he'd say, "I was just waiting for you."

Then we'd lock up the house and go to bed.

My father waited up for me through my high school and college years when I danced my way out of his life

Shortly after my first child was born; my mother called to tell me my father was ill. "A heart problem," she said, "now, don't come. It's three hundred miles. It would upset your father."

A proper diet restored him to good health. My mother wrote that they had joined a dance club. "The doctor says it's a good exercise. You remember how your father loves to dance."

Yes, I remembered. My eyes filled up with remembering.

When my father retired, we mended our way back together again; hugs and kisses were common when we visited each other. He danced with the grandchildren, but he did not ask me to dance. I knew he was waiting for an apology from me. I could never find the right words.

As my parents' 50th anniversary approached, my brothers and I met to plan the party. My older brother said, "Do you remember that night you wouldn't dance with him? Boy, was he mad? I couldn't believe he'd get so mad about a thing like that. I'll bet you haven't danced with him since."

I did not tell him he was right.

My younger brother promised to get the band. "Make sure they can play waltzes and polkas," I told him.

I did not tell him that all I wanted to do was dance once more with my father.

When the band began to play after dinner, my parents took the floor. They glided around the room, inviting the others to join them. The guests rose to their feet, applauding the golden couple. My father danced with his granddaughters, and then the band began to play the "Beer Barrel Polka".

"Roll out the barrel," I heard my father singing. Then I knew it was time. I wound my way through a few couples and tapped my daughter on the shoulder.

"Excuse me," I said, looking directly into my father's eyes and almost choking on my words, "but I believe this is my dance."

My father stood rooted to the spot. Our eyes met and traveled back to that night when I was 15. In a trembling voice, I sang, "Let's get those blues on the run."

My father bowed and said, "Oh, yes. I've been waiting for you."

Then he started to laugh, and we moved into each other's arms.

與父親共舞

在父母五十周年結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日那天我與父親跳舞了。樂隊(duì)演奏著舊式的華爾茲，我們?cè)诘匕迳蟽?yōu)美地滑動(dòng)著。他的手環(huán)著我的腰，像以往一樣指引著我，平和而又充滿活力地哼著調(diào)子。我們跳了一圈又一圈，不時(shí)地向其他舞者笑著點(diǎn)頭致意。他們說我們是舞場(chǎng)中最優(yōu)秀的舞者。父親握著我的手，露出了微笑。
我們繼續(xù)著舞步，這時(shí)我想起在我三歲那年，父親下班回家，一把將我摟在懷里，圍著桌子開始跳舞。母親笑著說，飯都要涼了。但父親卻說：“她剛好跟上舞蹈的節(jié)奏，飯可以等會(huì)再吃。”然后，他開始哼唱：“Roll out the barrel, let's have a barrel of fun。”我就唱道：“Let's get those blues on the run。”那天晚上，他教我跳波爾卡、華爾茲，還教我跳狐步舞。那晚我們連飯都沒吃。
我們每天都要跳舞。在我五歲時(shí)，父親教我跳shuffle off to Buffalo。后來，我們?cè)诼稜I(yíng)少女團(tuán)夏令營(yíng)中，贏得了舞蹈比賽的冠軍。我們還去美國(guó)勞軍聯(lián)合組織所在的地方表演吉特巴舞。每次父親進(jìn)入舞池之后，都會(huì)與所有的人跳舞，與在場(chǎng)的女士們旋轉(zhuǎn)，甚至還有士兵。我們都為父親歡呼、鼓掌，因?yàn)樗且粋€(gè)真正的舞者。
我十五歲那年的一個(gè)晚上，或許由于青春期的多愁善感，我非常悲傷。父親拿出一堆唱片，非要我跟他跳舞。“來吧，”他說，“Let's get those blues on the run。”我沒理他，獨(dú)自承受著自己的痛苦。他走過來把手放在我的肩上。我跳下椅子，對(duì)他吼道：“別碰我！別碰我！我討厭和你跳舞！”我看到了他臉上受傷的表情，但話已出口，我無法收回。我痛哭著跑回了房間。
從那之后，我再也沒和父親跳過舞。我有了其他舞伴，而父親總是會(huì)穿著法蘭絨睡衣，坐在自己最喜歡的椅子上，等我回家。有時(shí)當(dāng)我回來，他已經(jīng)睡著了。我便把他叫醒，告訴他：“既然你這么累，就該早點(diǎn)去睡覺。”
他總是會(huì)說：“不，沒有。我在等你呢。”
然后，我們就鎖上房門，各自去睡了。
在我上高中和大學(xué)的幾年里，每次我出去跳舞，父親都會(huì)一直等我回家。
在我的第一個(gè)孩子出生不久的一個(gè)晚上，母親打電話告訴我說父親病了：“是心臟的問題。現(xiàn)在不要過來，三百英里太遠(yuǎn)了，你父親會(huì)生氣的。等等吧，有了結(jié)果我會(huì)告訴你。”
父親的檢查顯示他壓力有些過重，不過合理的飲食使他恢復(fù)了健康。只是暫時(shí)的小毛病。背部椎間盤問題，心臟問題，白內(nèi)障晶體移植。但是他從未停止跳舞。母親寫信說他們參加了一個(gè)舞蹈俱樂部。“你還記得你父親多么喜歡跳舞嗎？”
是的，我記得。我的眼中充滿了對(duì)過去的回憶。
父親退休之后，我們又聚在了一起。每次見面，我們都要相互擁抱，親吻。但是父親從未讓我陪他跳舞。他和外孫女們跳舞。我的女兒們還不識(shí)字就知道怎么跳華爾茲。
“一、二、三，一、二、三，”父親總是數(shù)著舞步。“能來和我跳支華爾茲嗎？”每次我希望父親對(duì)我說出這句話的時(shí)候，心里都會(huì)感到陣痛。但是我知道父親在等我的道歉，而我總是很難找到恰當(dāng)?shù)恼Z言。
而隨著父母結(jié)婚五十周年紀(jì)念日的到來，我的兄弟和我計(jì)劃為他們舉辦一次舞會(huì)。我哥哥說：“還記得你拒絕陪他跳舞的那個(gè)晚上嗎？天哪，他簡(jiǎn)直瘋了。真不敢相信他為了此事竟如此傷心。從那以后，你肯定沒和他跳過舞吧。”
我沒有回答，但他說得沒錯(cuò)。
弟弟說他能夠搞定一支樂隊(duì)。
我告訴他：“一定要保證他們能夠演奏華爾茲和波爾卡舞曲。”
他說：“爸爸可以跳任何一支曲子。你不想跳嗎？是不是很緊張?。?rdquo;我沒有告訴他，我只是想和父親再跳一次舞。
晚餐過后，樂隊(duì)開始演奏，父母步入了舞池。他們?cè)诜块g里翩翩起舞，并邀請(qǐng)其他人加入。客人們都站起來，一齊為這對(duì)金婚夫婦喝彩。父親開始和他的外孫女跳舞，樂隊(duì)演奏起了“Beer Barrel Polka”。
我聽見父親在唱：“Roll out the barrel”。我知道現(xiàn)在是最佳時(shí)機(jī)。我知道要想讓父親和我跳舞，我需要說些什么。我穿過人群，拍了拍女兒的肩膀。
“對(duì)不起。”我說，有一種窒息的感覺。“我想這是我的舞曲。”
父親呆了一樣站在那里。我們都注視這對(duì)方，思緒飛回到我十五歲的那個(gè)夜晚。我用略帶顫抖的聲音唱道：“Let's get those blues on the run。”
父親鞠躬道：“噢，當(dāng)然。我一直在等你。”
說完，他大笑起來。我們挽著彼此的胳膊，停了一下，以便跟上舞曲的節(jié)奏。