英語視頻暢談歐美人文風(fēng)情77：同理心的力量

　　So what is empathy? And why is it very different than sympathy?

　　什么是同理心?為什么它和同情心那么不同?

　　Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection. Empathy is very interesting.

　　同理心激發(fā)連結(jié)。同情心促使失連。同理心是非常有趣的。

　　Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar, who studied professions—very diverse professions where empathy is relevant, and came up with four qualities of empathy: Perspective taking (the ability to take the perspective of another person, or recognize their perspectives as their truth), staying out of judgment (not easy when you enjoy this as much as most of us do), recognizing emotion of another people, and then communicating that.

　　Teresa Wiseman是名護理學(xué)者，她研究職業(yè)--與同理心相關(guān)、非常不同的職業(yè)，并提出四種同理心的特性：接受觀點(接受他人觀點的能力，或是認同他們的觀點為他們的事實)、不加評論(這不容易，當(dāng)你跟我們大多數(shù)人一樣喜歡評論他人時)、看出他人的情緒、并接著與那交流。

　　Empathy is feeling with people. And to me, I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space when someone's kind of in a deep hole, and they shout out from the bottom and they say, "I'm stuck. It's dark. I'm overwhelmed." And then we look and we say, "Hey," and climb down, "I know what it's like down here, and you're not alone."

　　同理心是與人一起感受。對我而言，我總是把同理心想成這種神圣的空間，當(dāng)某人好像在一個深穴里，而他們從底部大叫，他們說：“我被困住了。這里好黑。我受不了了。”然后我們看看，我們說：“嘿”，然后爬下去說：“我知道在這下面是什么樣子，你并不孤單。”

　　Sympathy is, "Woo! It's bad, ahuh? Now, you want a sandwich?"

　　同情心是：“哇!真糟糕啊，對吧?現(xiàn)在，你想要個三明治嗎?”

　　Empathy is a choice. And it's a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling. Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with "at least."

　　同理心是種選擇。那是種很容易受到傷害的選擇，因為為了要能與你連結(jié)，我必須連結(jié)到我自己心里能了解那感受的東西。一個同理心的回應(yīng)極少(如果真的有的話)以“至少...”來開頭。

　　I had a...yeah, and we do it all the time, because, you know what, someone just shares something with us that's incredibly painful, and we're trying to silver lining that. I don't think that's a verb, but I'm using it as one.

　　我有個...對，而我們總是在做這事，因為，你知道嗎，某人剛與我們分享一些極為痛苦的事，而我們試著要“一線希望”它。我不認為那是個動詞，但我要把它當(dāng)動詞用。

　　We're trying to put this silver lining around it, so "I had a miscarriage."

　　我們試著要擠出一線希望，所以當(dāng)人說：“我流產(chǎn)了。”

　　"At least, you know you can get pregnant."

　　“至少你知道你能懷孕。”

　　"I think my marriage is falling apart."

　　“我覺得我的婚姻正在破碎。”

　　"At least, you have a marriage."

　　“至少你有段婚姻。”

　　"John's getting kicked out of school."

　　“John要被學(xué)校退學(xué)了。”

　　"At least, Sarah, he's an A-student."

　　“至少，Sarah，他是個優(yōu)等學(xué)生。”

　　But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better.

　　但我們在面對非常難受的對話時，其中我們有時會做的一件事，是我們試著要讓事情好轉(zhuǎn)一點。

　　If I share something with you that's very difficult, I'd rather you say, "I don't even know what to say right now. I'm just so glad you told me," because the truth is rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.

　　如果我跟你分享某件非常難過的事，我寧愿你說：“我現(xiàn)在甚至不知該說什么好。我只是很開心你肯跟我說。”因為事實是，回應(yīng)很少會讓事情好轉(zhuǎn)。能讓事情好轉(zhuǎn)的是連結(jié)。