(雙語(yǔ))月亮和六便士 第30章(1)

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Chapter 30

第三十章

But the bed I made up for myself was sufficiently uncomfortable to give me a wakeful night, and I thought a good deal of what the unlucky Dutchman had told me. I was not so much puzzled by Blanche Stroeve's action, for I saw in that merely the result of a physical appeal. I do not suppose she had ever really cared for her husband, and what I had taken for love was no more than the feminine response to caresses and comfort which in the minds of most women passes for it. It is a passive feeling capable of being roused for any object, as the vine can grow on any tree; and the wisdom of the world recognises its strength when it urges a girl to marry the man who wants her with the assurance that love will follow. It is an emotion made up of the satisfaction in security, pride of property, the pleasure of being desired, the gratification of a household, and it is only by an amiable vanity that women ascribe to it spiritual value. It is an emotion which is defenceless against passion. I suspected that Blanche Stroeve's violent dislike of Strickland had in it from the beginning a vague element of sexual attraction. Who am I that I should seek to unravel the mysterious intricacies of sex? Perhaps Stroeve's passion excited without satisfying that part of her nature, and she hated Strickland because she felt in him the power to give her what she needed. I think she was quite sincere when she struggled against her husband's desire to bring him into the studio; I think she was frightened of him, though she knew not why; and I remembered how she had foreseen disaster. I think in some curious way the horror which she felt for him was a transference of the horror which she felt for herself because he so strangely troubled her.

但是我給自己安設(shè)的床鋪卻很不舒服，整整一夜我也沒(méi)睡著，只是翻來(lái)覆去思索這個(gè)不幸的荷蘭人對(duì)我講的故事。勃朗什·施特略夫的行為還是容易解釋的，我認(rèn)為她做出那種事來(lái)只不過(guò)是屈服于肉體的誘惑。她對(duì)自己的丈夫從來(lái)就沒(méi)有什么感情，過(guò)去我認(rèn)為她愛(ài)施特略夫，實(shí)際上只是男人的愛(ài)撫和生活的安適在女人身上引起的自然反應(yīng)。大多數(shù)女人都把這種反應(yīng)當(dāng)做愛(ài)情了。這是一種對(duì)任何一個(gè)人都可能產(chǎn)生的被動(dòng)的感情，正象藤蔓可以攀附在隨便哪株樹(shù)上一樣。因?yàn)檫@種感情可以叫一個(gè)女孩子嫁給任何一個(gè)需要她的男人，相信日久天長(zhǎng)便會(huì)對(duì)這個(gè)人產(chǎn)生愛(ài)情，所以世俗的見(jiàn)解便斷定了它的力量。但是說(shuō)到底，這種感情是什么呢？它只不過(guò)是對(duì)有保障的生活的滿足，對(duì)擁有家資的驕傲，對(duì)有人需要自己沾沾自喜，和對(duì)建立起自己的家庭洋洋得意而已；女人們稟性善良、喜愛(ài)虛榮，因此便認(rèn)為這種感情極富于精神價(jià)值。但是在沖動(dòng)的熱情前面，這種感情是毫無(wú)防衛(wèi)能力的。我懷疑勃朗什·施特略夫之所以非常不喜歡思特里克蘭德，從一開(kāi)始便含有性的誘惑因素在內(nèi)，可是性的問(wèn)題是極其復(fù)雜的，我有什么資格妄圖解開(kāi)這個(gè)謎呢？或許施特略夫?qū)λ臒崆橹荒艽碳て?，卻未能滿足她這一部分天性，她討厭思特里克蘭德是因?yàn)樗械剿哂袧M足她這一需求的力量。當(dāng)她拼命阻攔自己丈夫，不叫他把思特里克蘭德帶回家來(lái)的時(shí)候，我認(rèn)為她還是真誠(chéng)的；她被這個(gè)人嚇壞了，盡管她自己也不知道為什么要怕他。我也記得她曾預(yù)言過(guò)思特里克蘭德會(huì)帶來(lái)災(zāi)難和不幸。我想，她對(duì)思特里克蘭德的恐懼是她對(duì)自己的恐懼的一種奇怪的移植，因?yàn)樗兴曰蟛唤?，心煩意亂。