盤點:情侶談心常出現(xiàn)的問題

   　It’s no secret that men and women communicate differently – but is there really no way to translate Mars talk to Venus speak? Dr. B. Janet Hibbs, a psychologist and couples therapist, says there’s hope as long as you’re willing to adjust your “filter” – a.k.a. the part of your brain that processes what he says, spins it around and reacts to it. Ready for a practice run? Here are six common communication problems in relationships。

　　人人都知道男人和女人的表達方式不同——但真的沒有辦法讓“金星”聽懂“火星”的話嗎？心理學(xué)家兼伴侶治療師B。珍妮特·希布斯博士說，只要你愿意調(diào)整你的“過濾器”——即大腦中處理他所說的話，翻來覆去想一下，然后再做出回應(yīng)的那部分——就有希望。準(zhǔn)備練習(xí)一下嗎？這里有六種在伴侶關(guān)系中經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)的交流問題。

　　WHAT HE SAYS: “I’m sorry you feel that way。”

　　WHAT YOU HEAR: “You’re being a psycho。”

　　WHAT HE MEANS: “I just really want this argument to be over。” Women like to hash things out, talking issues through from start to finish. Guys, on the other hand, have much more of a flight instinct when it comes to confrontation – especially if he doesn’t fully understand why you’re so upset。

　　他說：“你那么想我感到很抱歉。”

　　你的理解：“你神經(jīng)兮兮的。”

　　他的意思是：“我真的不想再吵了。”女人們喜歡刨根問底，將問題從頭到尾說清楚。而另一方面，當(dāng)發(fā)生沖突時，男人們本能地更想要逃避——尤其是當(dāng)他不能充分地理解你為什么如此不悅的時候。

　　WHAT HE SAYS: “If you feel undervalued, ask for a raise。”

　　WHAT YOU HEAR: “Ugh, your problems are so simple – just fix it。”

　　WHAT HE MEANS: “Work’s bothering you? Let me help!” The truth is, men tend to see themselves as problem solvers in romantic relationships, and so what comes across as condescending1 can actually be your guy’s way of trying to help。

　　他說：“如果你覺得報酬低，可以要求加薪。”

　　你的理解：“哎，你的問題這么簡單——只要解決就好了。”

　　他的意思是：“工作讓你感到困擾嗎？讓我來幫助你！”事實上，在戀愛關(guān)系中，男人往往視他們自己為問題解決者，所以他看起來傲慢的表現(xiàn)實際上是你的男人在試圖幫助你的方式。